Jokes

[Lost]

A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that reads:

The End is Near!
Turn Yourself Around Now
Before it's Too Late!

As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

The priest turns to the pastor and asks , "Do you think the sign should just say: 'Bridge Out'?"

[drakko]

A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that reads:

The End is Near!
Turn Yourself Around Now
Before it's Too Late!

As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

The priest turns to the pastor and asks , "Do you think the sign should just say: 'Bridge Out'?"

not bad!

anymore jokes?

[Lost]

>Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't
>going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to
>get ahead. Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to
>take math, history, and logic. "What's logic?" asked Bubba. The
>professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed-
>eater?"
>
>"I sure do," answered the redneck. "Then I can assume, using logic,
>that you have a yard," replied the professor.
>
>"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe. The Professor
>continued: "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you
>also have a house." Impressed, the redneck shouted, "AMAZIN'!!!"
>"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
>
>"Betty Mae! This is incredible!" (Bubba is obviously catching on.)
>
>"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you
>are heterosexual," said the professor. "You're absolutely right! Why
>that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I can't wait to
>take this here logic class."
>
>Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the
>hallway where Cooter is still waiting.
>
>"So what classes are ya taking?" Cooter asks. "Math, history, and
>logic," replies Bubba.
>
>"What in tarnation is logic?"
>
>"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"
>
>"No."
>
>"You're queer, ain't ya?"

[whatalark]

ha! got any more?

[Coldie]

I wished my boss a "Good morning... and Happy Birthday to you!" as he walked into the office.

I know he felt happy that someone had remembered his birthday. Being his birthday today, I was in my red suit and knee length skirt. I knocked on his office door during noon and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go for lunch, just you and me."

He said, "Oh yeah, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went for lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, I said to my boss, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

My boss replied, "No, I guess not."
And I said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at my apartment, I said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." And he excitedly replied, "Sure!"

I went into the bedroom and a few minutes later I came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my boss' wife, children and dozens of our friends, all singing "Happy Birthday."

And there he was, sitting on the couch... NAKED!

[Lost]

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT END A SENTENCE WITH A PREPOSITION.

Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform
sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but
nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian
medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a
white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue
smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful medicine but you can only use it once a
year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as
you wish!"

The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to
continue?"

The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234,
and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another
year."

Harry rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess.
That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and
puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into
bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123" and suddenly he becomes
more aroused than anytime in his life, just as the medicine man had
promised.

His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks, "What
did you say 123 for?"


Now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition........