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20 yr old girl looking for family/godparents

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Post by ohmz52 » Fri, 10 Jan 2014 6:41 am

I question the credibility of this post.
The grass is greener on the other side.

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Joined: Mon, 07 Sep 2009 4:06 pm
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Post by x9200 » Fri, 10 Jan 2014 9:13 am

Now when the situation is more clear let me be more open.

1) Already your first post indicates something may be wrong and this was unlikely about your self-esteem and all what you wrote so far fitted the same puzzle.

2) I think there is a moderate chance you are for real (in the sense you are not here for a sponsor or some lame academic or journalistic work) but this is not like I would bet on it. There are at least two strong red flags within what you posted here and I am not talking about an overall likelihood of such stories on Internet to be genuine.

3) I found this odd to have such drive towards the family and reject the friendship at the same time. You seem to be able to comprehend what is the family and what is your age factor in it yet you act like you would like to board the ship and a miracle should happen. Family is about creating emotional/trust bonds. Friendship is the same. At your age there is no way you could be recognized as a family member (in the true sense) without creating similar bond.
You know how such things typically happen? If you devote a part of yourself to somebody in real life. E.g. if you have some elderly neighbors and they live alone for whatever reason and they need some help (less/more serious, everyday) and you are there to help them and you help them. If you are true and genuine in your feelings for them they will very likely recognize it and after some time they will feel about you as of their daughter. Instead, you seem to act like you went out for shopping sending a tender and waiting for the vendors to come in with their offers. This is damn arrogant for someone really looking for a family.

My advice was truthful, considerate and still holds. Go, visit a shrink. Judging from your reactions it should be possible to identify your problem. Of course it does not mean it will be easily fixed but I really believe this may be the best approach to solve the whole issue making you more happy in your life.

severin wrote:hello

i am a 20 yr old girl from Malaysia and i am looking for a family to live with. i do not have any family or friends and i live alone.

i always wanted a family or someone to run to when things go wrong or someone to talk to. unfortunately i don't have any of it and living alone is killing me from the inside. i just want to be loved and accepted and have a place to belong. i have had a very rough life since i was young.

if you are interested in 'adopting' me then leave me a reply. its like having another child. i hope to be treated as your own and whatever you expect from your own kids, you can expect from me too <3 i can help with chores etc. hey i can look after you when you are older too.

i am not talking about legal adoption. i am obviously too old for that, i don't qualify lol. i am old enough to live with whoever i want but i want it to be a family type platonic relationship. of course i need to make sure the person is safe first.

i am looking for people over 30 doesn't matter male or female or a someone who is married. if you ever wanted a daughter, this would be suitable for you. please drop me a message and introduce yourself and we can discuss further.

i am aware that we live in different countries but i don't think distance matters (since malaysia and sg is so near) if you are really interested in having a daughter figure, we can work things out. people legally 'adopt' kids from overseas all the time and that is a lot more work. by the end of the day, it depends how serious you are about this and how far you are willing to go because i am ready to give this a shot.

i am posting in singapore because there are more expats there and lets face it this sort of relationship is more common among foreigners. locals don't really do things like this (especially if the person is from a different race) they are not as open minded. trust me i have tried looking. :/

hope to hear from you soon! thanks :)
severin wrote:hello thank you for your message.

yes its dangerous and kinda ridiculous to post something like this but i don't know where else to look.

i have actually tried going to churches. i will admit people are nice there but its just not the same as having a real family. also, everyone tries to make me believe in god etc. eventually i stopped going because it was too much for me to handle.

i have tried taking part in activities to meet new people. i met a lot of people but it didn't work out. i got rejected face to face which is very hurtful. its emotionally exhausting and its makes the whole situation weird. its hard to face them again haha.

so i thought it would be easier to put an advert up and let whoever interested to reply instead. of course i would like to know the person first . i would like to meet them in person and see if we get along and spend time with them etc.

but thank you for your advice! i appreciate it.
severin wrote:1. well the people that i asked, they were not interested in having another child or maybe because i am from a different race. lets face it, 'adoption' is not for everyone haha. that is why i figured its easier to put up an advert and let people who are interested to reply, then meet them.

2. i don't live with my biological family anymore because they are abusive. that is why i am on my own. and no i don't want to get married. lol.
severin wrote:i don't have any friends right now because all my friends have moved on? i met them in school/college and after they have left, we don't meet anymore.

about the people that i have met in real life via sports etc. none of them were interested in taking me in. its not that we didn't get along, they just couldn't do it or didn't want to do it.

i also met people from the internet (i had a similar post on a different website and people replied. so i met them in real life)... first of all most of them were weirdos trying to take advantage of me. the normals ones that i met, sometime we get along sometimes we don't. thats not a surprise. you can't get along with everyone lol. sometimes i don't like the person or the person doesn't like me or we meet a few times and lose interest eventually.

but one thing for sure is. all of the people i met were never really interested in taking me in. they just replied and pretend they are interested. once we meet in real life they just want to be friends or say they can't do it. that is what happens when you post on the internet as a young girl. you attract all the freaks. haha

so no i have never met anyone who is serious about this. hmm...there was only one person who genuine about this and we were doing alright but as time passed we stopped talking and when i asked him whats up he said he has his own issues and he doesn't have the capacity to be my 'dad' anymore. lol. i didn't live with him though. i just saw him once in a while when we were both free.

inside, i know i will never find anyone because i have been looking for years! and it never worked out. and now i am getting 'old' so it sounds strange to people? and i don't understand why because other 20 yr olds have families and that acceptable but when a stranger of the same age is looking for a family its considered weird. but i am still alive so i might as well give it a shot.
severin wrote:just because something is different doesn't mean you have to be afraid of it or assume there is something wrong with me. but its typical human behavior to react negatively to change. so i am not surprised, just annoyed at how ignorant people are.

hobbies? a psychologist? LOL. i just want a family. no one will never know what it feels like unless they have been in the same situation.

i honestly didn't know this would be so hard to understand. i posted here hoping i will come across someone who is interested in what i am looking for but all i am getting are unfruitful replies which are only a waste of time. neither of us are gaining anything from it. let this post be deleted. this is going no where. goodbye.

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Post by Beeroclock » Fri, 10 Jan 2014 11:46 am

I also wondered if credible and didn't reply initially, but after further posts decided there's a good chance it's for real, and wanted to offer some advice even it falls on deaf ears.

OP seems intelligent/articulate and very fixed on the solution to her problem being a new family to replace the previous abusive family and allow her to belong.

I differ from x9200 " this was unlikely about your self-esteem", but I do agree OP needs proper support to step back from the fixed solution and explore the problems first. Maybe a counselor is a good starting point, and they will refer to psychologist if appropriate. Wish you all the best, if you're still reading.

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