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Teenage Angst

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v4jr4
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Postby v4jr4 » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 2:42 pm

PNGMK wrote:I look at parents who raise great kids and I envy them.


There are 2 sides to every story.

Back then, I couldn't understand my little brother's thinking pattern (he's 5 years younger than me), in which, of course, we didn't "sync", especially before I went to university (he was 13, I was 18).

Long story short, we were living in our own separate world. Yet, somehow, after 2 years or so, we managed to "sync" when we agree that we're responsible for our own act. That's all it takes.

It's not due to the tiger-mom-eagle-dad thing, since we were raised without their guidance (they worked in Japan, leaving both of us in the hand of our aunt and grandma). Probably it's just that "Asians" thing.
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Postby PrimroseHill » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 2:45 pm

HV is boring and she is probably right, it is overrated. However, she also have both parents that work fulltime. We do not have a live in help, just a once a week lady that comes in, same as London. So, by the time, I get home, cooked, usual housework etc, do I want to be trapising to other places and then cart groceries back or decide that my GP will be in Jurong or get that superduper ramen place at $5 in Pasir Ris? That's something that she doesn't understand. Also, the reason for living where we do is that at the end of the day- your house is always your biggest asset, so eventually when you do sell it, the potential buyers all want similar things -close to transportation, supermarket, restaurants, food court, wet market, GP, dentist, banks that are local and not getting on the bus/mrt for all of those. In terms of home style, that was what we had in London too.
She is being "difficult" just so. Living in central London means that she has less freedom, she isn't allowed to go to the West End by herself or without adult supervision. No Camden after dark either.
In terms of settling into live in SG, she has settled in the best out of 3 of us. She has more friends and friends that are actually nice, more thoughtful and in some ways, not trying to be stereotype here or racist but are a lot like her; mix, Eurasians. We always have an open door policy where her friends are concerned so we have met her friends both boys and girls and they are really nice kids - the group that she mixes with.
Her grades has not suffered, in actual it is something that she has always taken pride in doing well. She does find the work at school with the IB tougher than the GCSE.
Last edited by PrimroseHill on Fri, 25 Oct 2013 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby PrimroseHill » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 3:08 pm

A lot of her London previous school friends, especially the girls are all into the sex, making out, being groped etc etc. She tells me and we talk about it, actually amicably, just as she tends to talk to OH about the drugs and alcohol.
Its the random nastiness, bitchiness. She is totally self absorded, selfish and arrogant in the belief that she is right.
I do understand in parts is the hormones. I do understand that it is tough - not quite the young kid, yet not quite old enough nor have the maturity enough to deal with certain issues. Yet the sheer selfishness and bitchiness shocks me.
Example - we did quite a few countries in EU a few months ago. Got a good cheapish deal etc etc. However, I still have to balance a few factors before taking off for the summer - (a) maximising our days off as we are only allocated X no of days off pa (b) juggling OH's leave and team coverage (c) juggling my leave and team coverage (d) her school holidays and this year (e) my father was dying, he was at Stage 4 of stomach cancer. So, summer hols were delayed till nearly end of July, taking advantage of the Hari Raya and National Day as well as my father illness. At the time when I explain it to her, she agreed. Then a few days later she flipped her lid - it was- I want to come home a few days earlier. I told you what I wanted. I told you that I wanted to go away earlier. on and on she went.

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Postby Steve1960 » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 3:19 pm

I could cry for you! It is still all so vivid in my memory. There is no magic answer just tired quotes and analogies. Grin and bear it, its like a bucking bronco you just have to dust yourself off and get back on again.

I did find that a hobby helped. My daughter had started to get into grime music and was a decent singer so she started writing lyrics and recording at a studio. Is there anything that your daughter is really enthusiastic about?

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Postby PrimroseHill » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 3:28 pm

Steve1960 wrote:I could cry for you! It is still all so vivid in my memory. There is no magic answer just tired quotes and analogies. Grin and bear it, its like a bucking bronco you just have to dust yourself off and get back on again.

I did find that a hobby helped. My daughter had started to get into grime music and was a decent singer so she started writing lyrics and recording at a studio. Is there anything that your daughter is really enthusiastic about?


What's with the music? One minute she was into the crappy X Factor shito now she is into screamo music.

She does have a few hobbies which she has picked up here - guitar. She has recently picked French again outside of school.
She used to love netball, I even went with her weekly games at Kallang, then she dropped it, excuse - the women she plays with are in their 20s. She used to love swim - now her excuse - our home pool is shite, not like Robbie's condo or Elliott's

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Postby Steve1960 » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 3:42 pm

PrimroseHill wrote:[What's with the music? One minute she was into the crappy X Factor shito now she is into screamo music.

She does have a few hobbies which she has picked up here - guitar. She has recently picked French again outside of school.
She used to love netball, I even went with her weekly games at Kallang, then she dropped it, excuse - the women she plays with are in their 20s. She used to love swim - now her excuse - our home pool is shite, not like Robbie's condo or Elliott's


I think music is a way of release and finding an identity. The more obscure it is the better because it makes her more individual. I was a child of 70's glam rock so I tend not to judge peoples music tastes!

Swimming and possibly netball might have more to do with her body. My daughter loved swimming but stopped around the age of your daughter because she was self conscious about her figure.

Focus on what she does now like, expect it to change on a whim with no reasonable excuse. Hopefully she will find something that hits the right spot and improves her moods.

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 3:54 pm

PH, I know it not a laughing matter, but I had a giggle when you wrote

We discuss and open about sex, I have told her that if and when she does it, I rather she doesn't make me a grandmother at such a young age; I will take her to a GP to get the pill and the dangers of STI.


My wife is Asian and just the opposite. I had to do ALL the explaining about the birds & the bees to my young budding daughter as my wife couldn't/wouldn't, as the case may be. Straight-laced puritanical Catholic upbringing I guess. At least my daughter was well informed, from a male perspective and a medical perspective as well as links to sites that could give her even more info. But because of that, she has no fear of asking me anything and knows that she will get the straight unvarnished truth.

If she likes the screamo music, ask her if she has heard the local group Caracal. (My son fronts that group - a lot of their stuff is on Utube as well)

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Postby v4jr4 » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 4:24 pm

Steve1960 wrote:I think music is a way of release and finding an identity. The more obscure it is the better because it makes her more individual. I was a child of 70's glam rock so I tend not to judge peoples music tastes!


Steve1960 wrote:Focus on what she does now like, expect it to change on a whim with no reasonable excuse. Hopefully she will find something that hits the right spot and improves her moods.


+100
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Postby Hannieroo » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 5:00 pm

My son was vile from 13 to 15. Made me cry every single day. Then he turned 15 and every month I see more maturity. He's getting why we control ourselves. I see those years like a toddler, testing the boundaries. It does get better and you're obviously getting it right if the basics are all there.

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Postby zzm9980 » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 9:13 pm

edit: actually, never mind. I don't want to get involved in this. :)

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Postby Steve1960 » Fri, 25 Oct 2013 9:55 pm

zzm9980 wrote:edit: actually, never mind. I don't want to get involved in this. :)


Why? You just don't care about me at all do you. Did you ever think about my feelings? this is just sh*t, call yourself a parent? You never did anything for me.

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Postby zzm9980 » Sat, 26 Oct 2013 8:16 am

Steve1960 wrote:
zzm9980 wrote:edit: actually, never mind. I don't want to get involved in this. :)


Why? You just don't care about me at all do you. Did you ever think about my feelings? this is just sh*t, call yourself a parent? You never did anything for me.


:lol: :lol: +1

Actually I was going to come down on the side of Primrose's kid, and point out how someone my age can see even in her post telling her side how out of touch she is likely with her kid. But then Primrose's kid probably also is a brat and doesn't deserve my help. :P

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Sat, 26 Oct 2013 8:31 am

As I saw ZZM's earlier post before he edited it and then saw Steve's last night after ZZM edited it, I couldn't stop ROFLMAO to make reply! :lol: :lol:

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Postby PrimroseHill » Sat, 26 Oct 2013 1:57 pm

I am probably pretty out of touch, yes and my kid is probably a brat too :D

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Postby zzm9980 » Sun, 27 Oct 2013 6:53 pm

PrimroseHill wrote:I am probably pretty out of touch, yes and my kid is probably a brat too :D


Take her for ramen in Pasir Ris then and tell assure her that Holland Village is one of the least boring places in Singapore, and everything else is much worse.

Which ramen place there anyway? I'm always on the hunt for better ramen.


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