Time flies :o

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sundaymorningstaple
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Time flies :o

Post by sundaymorningstaple » Sat, 31 Aug 2013 12:44 pm

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man.
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Obama's clock?"
"His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Post by nakatago » Sat, 31 Aug 2013 12:50 pm

I heard this joke first in the '80's. Just replace the name in the punchline with the current political figure!
"A quokka is what would happen if there was an anime about kangaroos."

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Here kitty, kitty, kitty.....

Post by sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 04 Sep 2013 9:47 am

A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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the lynx
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Post by the lynx » Wed, 04 Sep 2013 10:38 am

When the joke's too good, you gotta say it thrice eh? :P

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Post by sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 04 Sep 2013 10:56 am

Must be my keyboard or something. I've been getting a lot of double posts in the past weeks it seems. That or my right little finger had gotten a speech impediment and is starting to stutter! :o
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Strong Eagle
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Post by Strong Eagle » Wed, 04 Sep 2013 11:02 am

Where's the rest of the joke?

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the lynx
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Post by the lynx » Wed, 04 Sep 2013 11:06 am

Strong Eagle wrote:Where's the rest of the joke?
Gramps deleted 'em. Just repetitions from the second joke.

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Post by sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 04 Sep 2013 11:21 am

The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Post by Mi Amigo » Wed, 04 Sep 2013 11:48 am

Aha, I get it now. I thought I was being even dumber than usual and missing a piece of Jewish humour. Now with the punchline it makes sense. :D
Be careful what you wish for

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Post by nakatago » Wed, 04 Sep 2013 12:43 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
Oy vei...
"A quokka is what would happen if there was an anime about kangaroos."

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Post by Max Headroom » Wed, 04 Sep 2013 3:16 pm

Tsk tsk, the chutzpah.

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