He didn't lie.

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Fri, 05 Jul 2013 11:52 am

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."

the lynx · Post by **the lynx** » Fri, 05 Jul 2013 12:15 pm

Friday eh?

Akimbo · Post by **Akimbo** » Fri, 05 Jul 2013 12:40 pm

It's Friday!!!!

Post by **nakatago** » Fri, 05 Jul 2013 2:09 pm

It's Friday

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Mon, 15 Jul 2013 4:08 pm

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him with anger. "What the HELL IS WRONG with you? You think I DON'T KNOW how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!"

nutnut · Post by **nutnut** » Mon, 15 Jul 2013 7:06 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him with anger. "What the HELL IS WRONG with you? You think I DON'T KNOW how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!"

the lynx · Post by **the lynx** » Tue, 16 Jul 2013 8:26 am

sundaymorningstaple wrote:A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him with anger. "What the HELL IS WRONG with you? You think I DON'T KNOW how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!"

No wonder the joke seemed familiar...

http://forum.singaporeexpats.com/ntopic83311.html

But hey, if the joke's too good, you gotta say it twice!

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Tue, 16 Jul 2013 8:39 am

Somehow I missed that entire thread.

zzm9980 · Post by **zzm9980** » Tue, 16 Jul 2013 9:21 am

the lynx wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him with anger. "What the HELL IS WRONG with you? You think I DON'T KNOW how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!"
No wonder the joke seemed familiar...

http://forum.singaporeexpats.com/ntopic83311.html

But hey, if the joke's too good, you gotta say it twice!

Bazinga.

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Wed, 24 Jul 2013 9:00 am

A man walked into a bank, got in line and when it was his turn he pulled out a gun and robs the bank.

But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The customer replies, "Well, yes!"

The bank robber raises his gun and shoots him.

He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK?"

The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did."

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Mon, 29 Jul 2013 2:36 pm

Saw this on FB a while ago....

There are 3 kind of Men..
Do you know...?

1-The ORIENTALS-
They have 1 wife & 1 girlfriend but they love their wife the most.

2-The AMERICANS-
They have 1 wife & 1 girlfriend but they love their girlfriend the most.

3-The INDIANS-
They have 1 wife & 4 girlfriends but they love their mother the most..

zzm9980 · Post by **zzm9980** » Mon, 29 Jul 2013 5:33 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Saw this on FB a while ago....

There are 3 kind of Men..
Do you know...?

1-The ORIENTALS-
They have 1 wife & 1 girlfriend but they love their wife the most.

2-The AMERICANS-
They have 1 wife & 1 girlfriend but they love their girlfriend the most.

3-The INDIANS-
They have 1 wife & 4 girlfriends but they love their mother the most..

So good.

Mi Amigo · Post by **Mi Amigo** » Tue, 30 Jul 2013 10:01 pm

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Tue, 30 Jul 2013 11:36 pm

Got 1st Edition inside? and published by Gutenberg Press?

the lynx · Post by **the lynx** » Wed, 31 Jul 2013 12:53 pm

For the men who ask why buy a whole cow for milk...

Why would we buy a whole pig for a wiener?

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He didn't lie.

He didn't lie.

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