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Feeling the pain over a loss! How to patch up again?

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Feeling the pain over a loss! How to patch up again?

Postby what to do? » Mon, 27 Dec 2004 11:50 pm

I was dealt a very cruel blow on Christmas Eve when my girlfriend of two years suddenly decides that she wants to break up. It all started when her phone receives an SMS and out of curiosity I ask her who it was. She immediately hides her phone and says it's nobody. I ask to show me her phone but she refuses and starts to cry. Then she tells me that she wants to break up with me. I assume right then and there that she's been screwing around and that this message from a guy is something that she doesn't want me to see at all. So we both spend the next few hours crying together and her telling me why this decision was made. Having nothing to do with the SMS or guy that was messaging her (just a friend she says), she wants to splilt apart for awhile because of the near constant fights we have been having for so long. That part I can agree as I have been going through some rough times this year. I spent my first 7 months here unemployed (I moved here without a job to be with her), followed by a short 3 month contract position and then another cruel blow of another 8 months with no job. It was pure hell for me. I ran out of money and because she really loved me, she helped me out when and where she could. I guess so long of doing this dragged her down. I finally found a job and even though the pay is $1000 less than what I used to make, she claims that it will probably be another two years before we can get married, as she wants to tie the knot with me next year.

So she moved out from my place back to her flat and says that she still loves me but wants to give me a chance to work hard and save as much as I can so we can get married. The last few days have been quite rough as it has been a lot of tears and heartache. She claims she didn't want to do this but she felt that if she stayed with me, she would end up hating me, which would break her heart. So it seems that she wants to give our relationship a chance but I fear that there is another guy in the picture. She finally showed me her phone with the messages deleted of course but I could see that she sent numerous messages to this guy that lives in New Zealand. She says he's only a friend and that shes not interested romantically in him. Does anyone have any advice on ways of patching up or trying to win her back faster? For one, yeah I have a great job although the pay is low so it looks like I need to do sideline work in order to make more cash. Any suggestions? Losing someone you love is hard, even though we still talk throughout the day and she still says that she loves me a lot. Just that the living together and being totally dependent on each other has changed. Thanks for any advice...

pastrian.allac
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Postby pastrian.allac » Tue, 28 Dec 2004 10:36 am

I'm so sorry to learn about your split. Sounds to me your gal might be creating a chance for herself to be with your New Zealander rival. Of course she would be claiming that they're merely friends. A woman's instinct. Ok, negative words enough said. Why not let each other (you and her) cool down for some time to ask within yourselves what are your future path?

I separated with my ex when he couldn't give me the commitments I wanted. Only God knows how much I really want to settle down with him. I've told him few times about my thoughts, even willing to work with him for our future (coz we're not really financially stable). Still, he couldn't buck up for it. Maybe it's not time yet for him. I left, telling him that I have to sacrifice our love for the sake of his future; and now, he's learnt to stand up again and buy a condo, and plan for his future betterly. He thanked me for my departure coz I make him matured and learn to chart his life better. I have no regrets, but for him, he's lost the love of his life. I guess no pain, no gain.


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