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Study: Most SGNs wntt help if they witness dom. violence

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Postby x9200 » Thu, 30 May 2013 10:02 am

sundaymorningstaple wrote:
PNGMK wrote:Don't leave Kat. Half the commentators on this are expat men in miserable yellow fever marriages or suffering from yellow fever.


Spoken like one who is infected badly! :lol:

But honestly speaking, you, like me, are happily married and learned to live with the fever! Yeah baby! :P I do feel sorry for those expat women who believe East West marriages are miserable. A lot are, I suppose, but, while I can't speak of others on this board, I'll be married for 30 years in a couple of months so I have no complaints. :cool:

I think you can tell it after short observation and it does not have to be by 25ys difference mark. In our previous place we had a direct view to the bbq area and some parties look like this: 10 white guys (30-40yo) sitting around one table and 10 local girls (25-30yo) sitting around another table.

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Postby the lynx » Thu, 30 May 2013 10:10 am

x9200 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:
PNGMK wrote:Don't leave Kat. Half the commentators on this are expat men in miserable yellow fever marriages or suffering from yellow fever.


Spoken like one who is infected badly! :lol:

But honestly speaking, you, like me, are happily married and learned to live with the fever! Yeah baby! :P I do feel sorry for those expat women who believe East West marriages are miserable. A lot are, I suppose, but, while I can't speak of others on this board, I'll be married for 30 years in a couple of months so I have no complaints. :cool:

I think you can tell it after short observation and it does not have to be by 25ys difference mark. In our previous place we had a direct view to the bbq area and some parties look like this: 10 white guys (30-40yo) sitting around one table and 10 local girls (25-30yo) sitting around another table.


Probably it was just men wanting to talk men stuff, and women wanting to talk about women stuff? Since we are on this topic of gender differences already... :P

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 30 May 2013 10:19 am

Hannie, I tend to agree with you, but somehow, looking at (please no offense) some of the baggage accompanying expat males, I can imagine why they (the baggage) suspect their husbands and distrust the "tiny Asian female" after they have had a few kids and let themselves go to pot while trying to raise the family, not realizing that they could have done both. (I know that sounds chauvinistic as well - not meant to be). The males, on the other hand, may well have let themselves go as well, or not, as the case may be, but if they still had any spark left between them, then the male wouldn't be quite so easily swayed. It's usually a cause & effect type of thing. Subtle, but over time and with the right temptation, fatal.

The old expat / young Asian girl isn't as prevalent as it used to be, like when I first arrived here in 1982. There was still a lot of that. Now, the average age of most expats is a good 20 years younger and they are still reasonably fit and if married, tend to stay that way, but if single are a good catch by some Asian standards (definitely not all). For the record, as noted previously, I'll be married 30 years this year. My "Yellow" fever wife is neither yellow nor 20 years younger than I. In fact, she's 14 months older than I am. I have been married previously, but was single/divorced well before coming to Singapore.

x9200, then what you are saying is the age spread isn't much difference that what is normally found in the west as well. (Unless it was a case of marrying your high school/college sweetheart where the age, even then, could still vary by four years (e.g., freshman married a senior college student). But I believe Hannie is talking about the middle-aged expat with a mid-life identity crises. :wink:

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Postby x9200 » Thu, 30 May 2013 10:32 am

Am I that weird to find this situation weird? Lynx, is it what you would do? :)

SMS, yes, this is not the age difference, I was more into happy white-local marriage things. if you get together and you have no common topics to share ... I don't know...

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 30 May 2013 10:44 am

Therein lies my reason for it's sustainability, we had nothing in common except an attraction for each other. We've spend the last 30 years in a continual discovery mode. Therefore, we don't tend to take each other for granted. Although, after this long, we are so comfortable we do know each other and what our reactions/answers will be, just like any other long term couple. But those heady days of yore were great as we shared the joy of discovery of two different cultures together. Sure we had our differences we had to work through, but we always had each others backs against those pesky naysayers against our 'mixed' marriage. Just tended to make us that much stronger.

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Postby zzm9980 » Thu, 30 May 2013 10:57 am

Hannieroo wrote: the fat, sweaty white guy married to a local girl 25 years younger than him.


They're usually not locals, unless you just mean local to South East Asia. The true locals have their eyes set on a much higher income bracket that tend to take better care of their physical appearances.

edit: x92 and SMS hit on the rest of this. I was addressing just the occasional old fat greasy guy you still see. And often I'm rather sure the girl is 10yr+ older than her outfit and makeup is supposed to make you think.

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Postby Sergei82 » Thu, 30 May 2013 11:06 am

sundaymorningstaple wrote:...we had nothing in common...

Which, contrary to what many used to believe in, may lead tp more interesting, stronger and longer lasting marriage. I already have somebody who has a lot in common with me - MYSELF. Why do I need somebody else like that?

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Postby Hannieroo » Thu, 30 May 2013 11:19 am

Letting yourself go (both parties), not tending your marriage and good old fashioned mid life crisis, as you say, all plays a part.

But I think also when you go overseas to a non- western country, not just here, the women can sometimes not do well with the change. By needing (wanting) a certain lifestyle, homesickness etc you have a comparison where you have a middle aged woman with a couple of kids with all the things that go with a long term relationship, good and bad. Then you have a younger, slimmer model. She's not lived through the constant moving, her future children won't need expensive schooling, she's happy in the (cheaper non-expat) neighbourhood she grew up in, not homesick and has plenty of family around. A younger, slimmer, happier, cheaper model. In at least one of our locations we were the only original married couple. Or at least the only one to leave intact.

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 30 May 2013 12:43 pm

One has to wonder how often the same sort of thing happens in Western Countries as well, when the same type of family you are mentioning, are suddenly moved from SmallTown, USA to NYC where there are lots of gals who fit your description of Asian gals but are caucasians/black/hispanic/asian but born in NYC and keep themselves trim, slimmer, happier, cheaper. I can see the SmallTown Wife being overwhelmed there as well. Happens all the time. Frankly, I don't know. I've seen both kinds. I feel sorry for the middle aged man who does make the mistake of marrying an asian girl 20 years his junior and she is obviously looking for a ticket or a purse. Him? He get's what he deserves, the way I see it. His wife should take him to the cleaners! ;-)

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Postby Hannieroo » Thu, 30 May 2013 1:45 pm

I don't think it's a race thing. It's (ime) an economic and social thing. The industry my husband works in means we usually live places that have a large if not almost completely expat population that works in one industry. The nature of the industry means it's frequently based in countries that are very patriarchal and with very low local wages. Could be Bucharest, could be KL. Not a race thing. Singapore is probably more like NY in that it has a diverse expat population. That is one thing I do find weird, actually. I'm used to airports covered in pictures of rigs and schools owned by BP.

Most of the men hide their money, stash their pensions and screw the wives over.

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Postby morenangpinay » Thu, 30 May 2013 2:59 pm

"if someone they knew– a friend, relative or neighbor – were being abused by a partner"

I think you guys forgot there is a qualifier in the topic the op posted. But would the police intervene if you reported someone is being abused? how bout those domestic workers who are being abused by their boss? I recall SE posted something like that sometime ago but the concerned agencies cant intervene unless the person being abused calls. I maybe wrong.

But if the attack is happening infront of me it needs immediate action so I would probably be intervening. It depends on the situation.

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Postby PNGMK » Thu, 30 May 2013 5:08 pm

morenangpinay wrote:"if someone they knew– a friend, relative or neighbor – were being abused by a partner"

I think you guys forgot there is a qualifier in the topic the op posted. But would the police intervene if you reported someone is being abused? how bout those domestic workers who are being abused by their boss? I recall SE posted something like that sometime ago but the concerned agencies cant intervene unless the person being abused calls. I maybe wrong.

But if the attack is happening infront of me it needs immediate action so I would probably be intervening. It depends on the situation.


The SPF will act on DV calls. Their effectiveness, and even more so the effectiveness of the courts - varies greatly with the individual officers and magistrates involved IMO.

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Postby JR8 » Thu, 30 May 2013 6:16 pm

PNGMK wrote:The SPF will act on DV calls. Their effectiveness, and even more so the effectiveness of the courts - varies greatly with the individual officers and magistrates involved IMO.



I'd be interested to know what qualifies you to make such a statement.

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Postby JR8 » Thu, 30 May 2013 6:29 pm

Hannieroo wrote:You just read what you want into that, pet. Yep, prejudiced through and through. Hate men.

Testosterone and studies prove that domestic violence is usually committed by men. I'm not saying the opposite is untrue or rare but it is less common. If it wasn't you wouldn't have felt the way you did about reporting it, right? Your own words. The gay community is seeing a problem as more men are settling for normal everyday relationships the problems that come with include DV.

You could start a fight in an empty room. But I'm flattered by the attention.


Your comment is one of the more sexist and uninformed that I have read on this forum in a long time.

Peer-reviewed PhD level published journal articles have for decades shown that DV occurs in almost equal proportions between the genders. The fact that you do not know this speaks volumes. You are speaking from a prejudiced position, as opposed to an informed one.

You seem to be unable to differentiate between perception and fact (of which you are equally a victim). For example, if you were my small-town cop, I would not want to report that I'm a victim of DV to you, because you are apparently so prejudiced.

So in this town in which you are cop, hey presto 90% of victims are women, and just 10% men, simply because most men don't trust you. Great result eh (except for all the victims getting polled-over, under your watch)!

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Postby x9200 » Thu, 30 May 2013 7:04 pm

JR8 wrote:Peer-reviewed PhD level published journal articles have for decades shown that DV occurs in almost equal proportions between the genders. The fact that you do not know this speaks volumes. You are speaking from a prejudiced position, as opposed to an informed one.

If this is the case I guess you should have no problem to provide some references for articles with reasonable number of citations?


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