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Study: Most SGNs wntt help if they witness dom. violence

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 29 May 2013 8:35 pm

Hannieroo wrote:You just read what you want into that, pet. Yep, prejudiced through and through. Hate men.

Testosterone and studies prove that domestic violence is usually committed by men. I'm not saying the opposite is untrue or rare but it is less common. If it wasn't you wouldn't have felt the way you did about reporting it, right? Your own words. The gay community is seeing a problem as more men are settling for normal everyday relationships the problems that come with include DV.

You could start a fight in an empty room. But I'm flattered by the attention.


Tryin' to stay outta this one but I have to ask, do you think it's less common, or less reported due to the stigma that would be, in theory, attached to the male if he were the victim of violence by a woman? I think there is a lot more of DV towards men than ever sees the light of day. I'm defo not saying there is more, but I think there is a lot more than we think.

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Postby JR8 » Wed, 29 May 2013 8:47 pm

Hannieroo wrote:You just read what you want into that, pet.



Pet? 'Ya Geordie right, to be ganning on like this?'

What does it mean, it's like a 'I'm equal' an yet 'I can condescend to you'.

How about you stick your pet where the sun is scarce. Solace might lie there.

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Postby katbh » Wed, 29 May 2013 9:53 pm

Hannieroo. It is nice to hear your voice of reason. Hard to listen to the other stuff going on here. I really did think the world had moved on but it appears that Singapore is the last running ground of arrogant expat chauvinists. Or is it just this forum? I suspect the later.
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 29 May 2013 10:19 pm

katbh, would you listen to yourself. 2 or 3 dissenters who don't agree with you makes this the last bastion of male chauvinism? Now who looks really foolish. Seriously, you've never been in a discussion where people had a differing opinion? Pretty sheltered life, huh.

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Postby katbh » Wed, 29 May 2013 10:21 pm

And you a moderator. It is not differing opinion - it is wrong!. I am out.
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Postby Sergei82 » Wed, 29 May 2013 10:58 pm

Well, of course if I see somebody explicitly being raped or slashed into pieces, I will not just watch and eat popcorn, I will intervene (after calling police 1st - we are in Singapore, and locals may unite lying against me).
I was talking about quarrels in couples with light beating. The only right moment to interrupt that is when one is about to rip another's head off or smtng like that - to save a person from getting traumatized or dying. But it extremely rarely comes to that in such "light" cases.

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Postby zzm9980 » Wed, 29 May 2013 11:22 pm

Sergei82 wrote: light beating


Thanks for the lol.

I'll agree with the opposition sentiment here that "victims" in such cases are rarely innocent, but that doesn't make it right. I can't count how many times someone has driven me to the point of deserving to be smacked. But guess what? I don't smack them because it's wrong, no matter much deserving of it they are and how much I want to. This has resulted in my destroying cell phones (and the walls behind them), and other things, in fits of anger. Sometimes I think I wish I had hit the person because they would heal :D phones don't.

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Postby Hannieroo » Thu, 30 May 2013 12:28 am

JR8 wrote:
Hannieroo wrote:You just read what you want into that, pet.



Pet? 'Ya Geordie right, to be ganning on like this?'

What does it mean, it's like a 'I'm equal' an yet 'I can condescend to you'.

How about you stick your pet where the sun is scarce. Solace might lie there.


Gosh, no. I've never considered you and I equals. But you make my heart sing, gotta love a biter.

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Postby Hannieroo » Thu, 30 May 2013 12:47 am

sundaymorningstaple wrote:
Hannieroo wrote:You just read what you want into that, pet. Yep, prejudiced through and through. Hate men.

Testosterone and studies prove that domestic violence is usually committed by men. I'm not saying the opposite is untrue or rare but it is less common. If it wasn't you wouldn't have felt the way you did about reporting it, right? Your own words. The gay community is seeing a problem as more men are settling for normal everyday relationships the problems that come with include DV.

You could start a fight in an empty room. But I'm flattered by the attention.


Tryin' to stay outta this one but I have to ask, do you think it's less common, or less reported due to the stigma that would be, in theory, attached to the male if he were the victim of violence by a woman? I think there is a lot more of DV towards men than ever sees the light of day. I'm defo not saying there is more, but I think there is a lot more than we think.


I think it is less common. There are fundamental differences between the sexes you cannot ignore, size being one. But reporting is an issue so numbers are going to be fuzzy. But less common could mean 5% less or 25%. I don't think with the nature of the abuser/victim relationship you could ever get a tangible number. But women being beaten and cowed, globally, is a huge issue and always has been. Lightly or not.

I do not have prejudices. I have opinions that I have a right to air in spite of my ownership of a pair of Fallopian tubes. It's not cricket to bring personal stories into debate and expect others to treat it as definitive.

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Postby x9200 » Thu, 30 May 2013 6:26 am

JR8 wrote:The balance of power lies with the one who is pyscho, as they make all the moves, and a normal person can't predict how a psycho will act, thus you can only respond.

IMHO is not correct to assume majority of DV couples has this component. You don't need to be a psycho to fall into 'I hate you, don't leave me' category. This is IMO most often about insecurity and probably half of the society is like this to some extent. Women, especially less educated will not leave their oppressors not because they like to be beaten, but because they fear to be alone, are in the situation that made them very dependent etc.

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Postby x9200 » Thu, 30 May 2013 7:08 am

Sergei82 wrote:
Hannieroo wrote:Domestic violence is the woman's fault...

Most of the time if not always.

You got abused - you left the abuser - I feel compassionate.

You got abused, you forgave and got abused again, you left the abuser - well, still pity on you - foolishly forgiving the 1st time.

You are getting abused times and times again by the same person - you're a freaking masochist, isn't it? That is disgusting, stay away from me!

But Sergei, it is really not that simple. You see it from your own perspective and you are a self confident, probably strong will, independent person. For you it is a piece of cake to say kiss my a** and wave goodbye, but this is not universally true and it is unfair to shift responsibility and blame somebody just because he or she is not strong enough. It take some if not a lot of strengths to leave someone, start a new life, often find a job after years outside the market, take care of kids (if the case) and in some places, including Singapore, to live with a stigma of being a single mother. On top of this, there is still this stupid thing called love and this has not much to do with acting reasonably. If you have been made unwillingly a drug addict, would it be your fault?

To the point. If there is just a loud argument I would do nothing. If there is violence I would probably step in but unlikely physically. I would shout loud at them to stop. If it would turn violent against me I would step back and call police. It is hard to generalize because it would also depend how they behave, is this like and "equal" fight (they are pushing each other around), or one person clearly gets victimized.

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Postby PNGMK » Thu, 30 May 2013 7:37 am

katbh wrote:Hannieroo. It is nice to hear your voice of reason. Hard to listen to the other stuff going on here. I really did think the world had moved on but it appears that Singapore is the last running ground of arrogant expat chauvinists. Or is it just this forum? I suspect the later.


Don't leave Kat. Half the commentators on this are expat men in miserable yellow fever marriages or suffering from yellow fever.

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Postby Hannieroo » Thu, 30 May 2013 9:06 am

Yeah, don't leave me. Too few women here.

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 30 May 2013 9:16 am

PNGMK wrote:Don't leave Kat. Half the commentators on this are expat men in miserable yellow fever marriages or suffering from yellow fever.


Spoken like one who is infected badly! :lol:

But honestly speaking, you, like me, are happily married and learned to live with the fever! Yeah baby! :P I do feel sorry for those expat women who believe East West marriages are miserable. A lot are, I suppose, but, while I can't speak of others on this board, I'll be married for 30 years in a couple of months so I have no complaints. :cool:

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Postby Hannieroo » Thu, 30 May 2013 9:47 am

I'm not sure western women assume all east/west marriages are miserable. I do know we roll our eyes when we see the fat, sweaty white guy married to a local girl 25 years younger than him. But providing they both appreciate the dynamics of their relationship that's up to them. But longer married expat wives do frequently have to put up with far younger women thinking their husband is fair game and I think that colours a lot of views. It gets old.


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