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Study: Most SGNs wntt help if they witness dom. violence

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Postby katbh » Wed, 29 May 2013 5:40 pm

Sergei. I am not really interested in continuing this personal debate. Good luck
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Postby Sergei82 » Wed, 29 May 2013 5:48 pm

That is great. Looks like you do not have what it takes to give your arguments, you only can go personally. Or maybe you are abused by your boyfriend/husband and want somebody to step in to initiate victim-perpetrator-rescuer triangle. :)
Obviously, those triangles are not something you read about...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
The "game" position of Rescuer is distinct from that of a genuine rescuer in an emergency, such as a firefighter who saves a victim from a burning building or a lifeguard who saves a victim from drowning. As a drama role, there is something dishonest or unspoken about the Rescuer's attempts, or at best, a mixed motive or need to be a rescuer or have a victim to help. In fact, 'The Karpman Triangle game inhibits real problem-solving...creates confusion and distress, not solutions'. A drama triangle "Rescuer" plays the role more because they are driven to be a rescuer as a way of avoiding looking at their own anxiety, underlying feelings than because the victim needs their involvement, as in the case of a fireman/rescuer.

In Eric Berne's words, 'The first group, is playing "I'm Only Trying to Help You", while the others are helping people'.

...

The situation plays out when a situation arises and a person takes a role as victim or persecutor. Others then take the other roles. Thereafter 'the two players move around the triangle, thus switching roles', so that for example the victim turns on the rescuer, the rescuer switches to persecuting -- or as often happens the rescuer ends up entering the situation and becoming a victim.

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Postby Hannieroo » Wed, 29 May 2013 5:56 pm

I think the thread is more asking why sg people would ignore a person in distress. But it seems it's global.

What if it was the first time? What if they were actually strangers? Still walk on by?

I'm a bit disgusted.

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Postby Sergei82 » Wed, 29 May 2013 6:00 pm

Hannieroo wrote:I think the thread is more asking why sg people would ignore a person in distress. But it seems it's global.

What if it was the first time? What if they were actually strangers? Still walk on by?

I'm a bit disgusted.

Stay aside, call police if needed.

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Postby Wd40 » Wed, 29 May 2013 6:03 pm

Singapore is little bit different from the rest of the world. In the rest of the world, for eg, people have relatively much higher freedom to excercise their natural instincts.

Singapore in its quest to create an extremely oversafe and sterile enviroment has killed much of those nature instincts from the natives and turned them into zombies.

In the rest of the world for example, if someone hits your car, you get out and punch a couple of blows to that person without fearing too much about the consequences. In Singapore, its so funny, both parties smiling, shaking hands, taking photos :lol:

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Postby nakatago » Wed, 29 May 2013 6:23 pm

Wd40 wrote:Singapore is little bit different from the rest of the world. In the rest of the world, for eg, people have relatively much higher freedom to excercise their natural instincts.

Singapore in its quest to create an extremely oversafe and sterile enviroment has killed much of those nature instincts from the natives and turned them into zombies.


+1

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Postby zzm9980 » Wed, 29 May 2013 6:31 pm

the lynx wrote:
zzm9980 wrote:See, I must be the odd-ball. I wouldn't mind my own business. I would try to break it up and/or call the police. I would not just ignore it. Breaking it up does not mean trying to beat down the guy (or girl) as some of the previous examples in this thread.


Hence my point. Why must one beat up the other person to break a fight?


Missed your post the first time. :D Sorry

How does one even know it is a domestic dispute? What if it is just a random person attacking someone of the other gender? Would you all really stay out of it? Again, I'm not advocating a violent intercession, but at least vocal and escalate it to the police. For all of the expert armchair shrinks in this thread, the victim bashing is a little funny and sad. Yes, the battered spouse is likely to go back to the violent partner. They will never escape that cycle without significant support or professional help, and the most likely way that person will receive that support is if the authorities get involved. Ignoring it or "laughing and eating popcorn" isn't going to help anyone.

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Postby PNGMK » Wed, 29 May 2013 7:07 pm

zzm9980 wrote:See, I must be the odd-ball. I wouldn't mind my own business. I would try to break it up and/or call the police. I would not just ignore it. Breaking it up does not mean trying to beat down the guy (or girl) as some of the previous examples in this thread.


And what if the male partner is trying to throw his Malay wife over the HDB parapet? You HAVE to intervene and then the muslim shithead turns his attention on to you.

(Note - if he had been Chinese he'd have been a buddhist shithead, if Indian a Hindu shithead - but for some reason I've broken up more Malay DV than others having been previously married to one).

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Postby Hannieroo » Wed, 29 May 2013 7:17 pm

Life isn't without it's risks. Sometimes doing the right thing gets you in bother.

I can't even believe this is a question. FFS. Samaritans R Us.

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Postby Hannieroo » Wed, 29 May 2013 7:21 pm

I'm also making a list of the people I won't be asking to wait with me at the cab rank after the meet. Jeez, wouldn't want to save their ass from a mugging.

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Postby JR8 » Wed, 29 May 2013 7:24 pm

Hannieroo wrote:All that evil required is for good men to do nothing.

Domestic violence is the woman's fault, rape is entirely down to short skirts and the expectation that women just want to settle down with a man is because anything else will tax our poor little brains.


The mistake, even through the fog of ill-placed sarcasm, is to see domestic violence as a one way thing (male on female, within a heterosexual relationship); but it's not. Far from it.

DV is about manipulation and control, and it runs all ways. You really need to get beyond the stereotypes. How do you think it feels being a male victim, within a society that popularly only considers women are victims? How do you think it feels going to the police and reporting your spouse has assaulted you, when this is so contrary to expectations you fear they will laugh in your face?

Going further, why do some women's groups advocate that DV is only a male on female issue, as if they have the sole monopoly on the victimhood? The politicisation of the issue, is perplexing...

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Postby Hannieroo » Wed, 29 May 2013 7:33 pm

I don't think I said that it was. The almost entirely female slant is from people commenting how refreshing the patriarchal stance is here. So no mistake on my part.

From what I can gather violence towards male partners is an issue but obviously not as widespread. Although the UK has been pushing for more recognition of it, particularly in the gay community.

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Postby JR8 » Wed, 29 May 2013 7:50 pm

Hannieroo wrote:From what I can gather violence towards male partners is an issue but obviously not as widespread. Although the UK has been pushing for more recognition of it, particularly in the gay community.


Obviously! :lol:

Based upon your own prejudice?

And it's only gays right? :o





... well thank God, we got that straight....

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Postby Hannieroo » Wed, 29 May 2013 7:57 pm

You just read what you want into that, pet. Yep, prejudiced through and through. Hate men.

Testosterone and studies prove that domestic violence is usually committed by men. I'm not saying the opposite is untrue or rare but it is less common. If it wasn't you wouldn't have felt the way you did about reporting it, right? Your own words. The gay community is seeing a problem as more men are settling for normal everyday relationships the problems that come with include DV.

You could start a fight in an empty room. But I'm flattered by the attention.

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Postby PNGMK » Wed, 29 May 2013 8:20 pm

Hannieroo wrote:I don't think I said that it was. The almost entirely female slant is from people commenting how refreshing the patriarchal stance is here. So no mistake on my part.

From what I can gather violence towards male partners is an issue but obviously not as widespread. Although the UK has been pushing for more recognition of it, particularly in the gay community.


IME (and only IME do I speak) Asian women have the art of non violent abuse down to a fine point; they are masters at provocation, emotional blackmail, hysterics, back stabbing, financial abuse, psychological abuse etc I'm surprised NUS doesn't offer degrees in it. None of this is actionable in Singapore courts unlike the west. The men are inarticulate due to the multi language situation (speak 3 but fluent in none) and incapable of arguing back in a reasoned manner and hence resort to beatings.

When Singapore discussed revoking the martial rape law here my main argument against it was that it would most likely only be used as a tool by vindictive wives and that I strongly doubted it would see any 'real' cases being solved and that the women's charter provided adequate cover for women. Once again only my personal opinion based on my experience.


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