Study: Most SGNs wntt help if they witness dom. violence

[the lynx]

See, I must be the odd-ball. I wouldn't mind my own business. I would try to break it up and/or call the police. I would not just ignore it. Breaking it up does not mean trying to beat down the guy (or girl) as some of the previous examples in this thread.

Hence my point. Why must one beat up the other person to break a fight?

[nakatago]

In a society where saving face is of utmost importance.....

[Sergei82]

You go, guys, interrupt them. But when you're being beaten by both of them at the same time, I will not step in - will be just watching and eating popcorn.
At most - I will call police if it looks serious, but I will not get my share of beating because somebody was not smart enough to stand aside and let the couple enjoy their quarrel (that is exactly what is happening, although you may think they are suffering).

[JR8]

You go, guys, interrupt them. But when you're being beaten by both of them at the same time, I will not step in - will be just watching and eating popcorn.
At most - I will call police if it looks serious, but I will not get my share of beating because somebody was not smart enough to stand aside and let the couple enjoy their quarrel (that is exactly what is happening, although you may think they are suffering).

I think this is a good point. In some relationships bullying or violence forms an intrinsic part, as necessary as a skeleton to an animal.

I am NOT saying it is right, particularly as I once found myself on the receiving end for a year, until I found the focus to see the wood for the trees, and escape it. Battered wife syndrome runs both way, and is not at all uncommon. An associated book title posits the contradiction of why such relations often endure: 'I hate you, don't leave me'. Two psychologically '''unbalanced''' people who have hooked up like jigsaw pieces.

So, the point is, what for you might be domestic violence, for others is an every day part of the dynamics of a relationship. When you're hit every day, being hit is normal. And some stranger on the street coming up to you and your abuser, and threatening to interrupt your normal dynamic, and start a fight... it's like, who are you, what's your problem FO will ya!


Yes, it's complicated.

[katbh]

Sorry...but REALLY! No excuse. Never should a person sit by and watch another person be hurt - especially when there is an imbalance of power. As you said ... YOU eventually saw the wood for the trees!. Help others to also see it.
You should NEVER be idle. You are putting forward excuses for society's failure to take this problem as seriously as it is warranted. And it is a serious problem. I put it to you that 90% of the above posts suggesting that you should not step in, are put forward by males. Come on fess up. You are simply re-inforcing the statistics found by the study quoted by AWARE. Shame

[Hannieroo]

I'd beat his ass for being a dick then her ass for putting up with it. Refreshing attitude, my arse. A vagina does not make you subservient to a man, less intelligent or less deserving of basic human rights. Including the right not to be beaten.

And you know what, bgd? These women are subservient because quite frankly they see you as an expat wallet. Not because they adore you for the god you clearly are.

[Sergei82]

Sorry...but REALLY! No excuse. Never should a person sit by and watch another person be hurt - especially when there is an imbalance of power. As you said ... YOU eventually saw the wood for the trees!. Help others to also see it.
You should NEVER be idle. You are putting forward excuses for society's failure to take this problem as seriously as it is warranted. And it is a serious problem. I put it to you that 90% of the above posts suggesting that you should not step in, are put forward by males. Come on fess up. You are simply re-inforcing the statistics found by the study quoted by AWARE. Shame

Again you didn't get what me and JR8 saying! This is NOT society fault: this is fault of the one who is being beaten up! Only! If she (he) did not want that, she would've left 1st time hand was raised at her.
If you want to be a hero: go ahead - nobody needs your heroism, and those who you protect will become your enemies, but obviously (!) you will enjoy it, because you like helping when you're not asked. People turn against you, but you have an excuse: I just wanted to help - look how good I am and how unfair the world to me is!!!
You will have your neurotic "prize" from your little game. Other thing, nobody will want to be with you.There is no paradox in that. Psychology basics!

[JR8]

I speak having witnessed and lived with the grim reality on the 'inside' of such a relationship. I would never have imagined that such a toxic place existed until I arrived there, as until then my life had been happy and carefree.

Still, live and learn, grow and move on. As I've said before I just wish that at school they'd have given us a one hour primer on personality disorders ('DSM-IV' etc), as it would have saved me a considerable about of grief with various 'weirdos' in later life.

The balance of power lies with the one who is pyscho, as they make all the moves, and a normal person can't predict how a psycho will act, thus you can only respond.

I expect you might never have found yourself the victim of such a person, hence your rather 'higher ideals'. Those tend to go out the window the first time you get a 'warning shot' knife stuck in you, or beaten over the head with a pan.


p.s. I subsequently spent a year or so on an associated Yahoo chat-group as a 'recovery buddy' for people who staggered in dazed, bruised and confused. You better belief I had some people absolutely spilling their guts to me over these kind of issues, and this also allowed me to frame-up my own situation most accurately.

[Hannieroo]

All that evil required is for good men to do nothing.

Domestic violence is the woman's fault, rape is entirely down to short skirts and the expectation that women just want to settle down with a man is because anything else will tax our poor little brains.

[katbh]

Hmmmm Sergei.... Not sure about your morals here. You seem to be totally unaware of the psychology of abuse. Hard to believe in our modern thinking intelligent world. Well there will always be those who live in the dark ages.

[katbh]

Good on you Hannieroo. But I fear that Sergei may think you are serious!

[Sergei82]

Good on you Hannieroo. But I fear that Sergei may think you are serious!

I suggest you go and try what you're talking about. Then you will not need my explanation.

As I said, the only way I intervene is calling police when things go serious.

Well, if somebody else is beating my girlfriend, that is totally different, isn't it? We are talking about random encounters here and that you shouldn't poke your nose into something that you have no idea about.

[Sergei82]

Domestic violence is the woman's fault...

Most of the time if not always.

You got abused - you left the abuser - I feel compassionate.

You got abused, you forgave and got abused again, you left the abuser - well, still pity on you - foolishly forgiving the 1st time.

You are getting abused times and times again by the same person - you're a freaking masochist, isn't it? That is disgusting, stay away from me!

[katbh]

Sergei..your understanding of the psychology of abuse matches your picture. Sorry but you are SOOO out of step with the modern world.

[Sergei82]

Sergei..your understanding of the psychology of abuse matches your picture. Sorry but you are SOOO out of step with the modern world.

You probably have been in situations you're talking about SOOO many times! If not, I suggest you use all your nonsense moderately (unaware of the psychology of abuse, in our modern thinking intelligent world, your understanding of the psychology of abuse matches your picture, out of step with the modern world). If you have grounds to stay on your position, you may have the point, otherwise you're just showing that it is not me the one who has those qualities you described.