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How do you help a newly arrived child to settle in?

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Tea_and_cake
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How do you help a newly arrived child to settle in?

Post by Tea_and_cake » Mon, 06 May 2013 10:17 am

Our previously happy and confident 3 year old is not adjusting well to the move from Melbourne to Singapore. She is in preschool here, as I thought that it would provide continuity (she was in preschool in Melbourne), routine and the opportunity to make new friends. However she is really resisting going to preschool and seems very sad and angry at times. I wondered if others who had experienced similar things with their own children could offer any advice about how to support a child through this.

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QRM
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Post by QRM » Mon, 06 May 2013 4:39 pm

Try taking her out of pre school and spend time exploring SG together?

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Post by Hannieroo » Mon, 06 May 2013 10:34 pm

Poor wee thing. I can see how pre school should have worked but I second pulling her out, for the remainder of the school year if you can. Lots of trips out, lots of play dates. We always do the children's rooms first so they know it's their space and we encourage memory books and photos and talking it out in an age appropriate fashion. It will pass.

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Post by QRM » Tue, 07 May 2013 11:23 am

Good point we always spend the first few weeks here, or on any move, really going to town on her new room. She makes all the choices on decor, furniture etc, (new fish tanks are always a winner!) Our kid now actually looks forward to moving to a new place.

Just get a load of camo netting etc to make a secret forest. Use and paint the big moving boxes to make dens, its actually good fun.

Could be the Pre-school, which one did you go to? Some of them in Singapore are "enrichment" classes and are a lot stricter expecting the kids to be ready for maths exams. If there are lots of kids with text books and glasses walk away, if they have lots of playdough and crayons then you onto a winner.

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Post by PaulynY » Mon, 13 May 2013 8:33 am

I'm just wondering how long has this been going on? Yes taking her out maybe a good idea, but after shopping around for a preschool, albeit local ones, I realised that many do not have vacancies to take in our kids. So, it may be a good idea IMHO to ask d preschool to deserve d spot for her while she adapts to her new life.
I made my own transition from Adelaide to Malaysia last august. Unexpectedly, my son, 3 at that time was greatly affected by it. Though we were basically moving 'home', he sensed a lot of insecurities. We too took him shopping, showed him his own room and his bed and try to reassure him that no matter where we move to in the world, this room will always be his.
Next month, we will be relocating again, this time to Singapore. We had made plans to spend a month of settling down with local surroundings, which includes going to library, playgrounds, markets etc. Pre school for him will resume in July. Fingers crossed, hope my plans will work.good luck with your little princess

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Post by Makingthemove » Tue, 14 May 2013 12:34 pm

Tricky one. We had issues with our son (then aged 7) settling when we arrived in Sing last August. Nine months on he's loads better. The move just had much more of an impact on him than I'd anticipated and it coincided with a time in his school life where they typically start teaching independence - getting the kids to do things on their own. That's a natural leap in the school he goes to (and would have been the same back in the UK) - but it's just a shame that he happened to be making the jump at the same time as moving continents, and it was all too much.

We had some very dark days and I felt for him and still do and it wasn't a happy time. Lots better now but I'm not sure what I would do differently: LOTS of warning when things are changing. Lots of inclusion. Don't big up the treats too much because they are ultimately short term and I've found the expectation for more and more of them a bit depressing: we did a bit of spoiling and are busy unpicking that now. Try not to hark back to how things were too much but keep the contact with the things that happened before in a reassuring and happy way. Skype, whatever the age, is a wonderful thing.

Fill the weekends with nice family things that you know everyone will like to re-set the batteries as each week comes around. Follow your instincts (mine are awful but I do try and listen!).

Know that it will pass.

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Post by Tea_and_cake » Tue, 14 May 2013 10:00 pm

Thanks everyone. It's hard for the little ones as they don't have the words to express how they feel. We're still in a Serviced Apartment and will be for another 4 weeks, which doesn't help.

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Post by Hannieroo » Fri, 17 May 2013 9:38 pm

You poor thing. When your container gets here and there are familiar things around you life should improve pretty quickly.

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