The Purina Diet

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sundaymorningstaple
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The Purina Diet

Post by sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 11 Mar 2013 11:22 am

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my neighbors dog at Giant, and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.

Although I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 lbs before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food’s nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I’d been sitting in the middle of the street licking my balls when a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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nakatago
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Post by nakatago » Mon, 11 Mar 2013 11:24 am

You're so mean on the sarcasm and irony impaired!

:twisted:
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Mi Amigo
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Post by Mi Amigo » Mon, 11 Mar 2013 11:50 am

Hahaha! Nice one. I wish I could make up stuff like that on the spur of the moment.

Some time ago, I was walking out from home to get into a taxi carrying my golf clubs plus the bag with the shoes in, etc. A neighbour asked me "Are you going to play golf?" "Oh no," I replied, "I'm going shopping in Orchard Road but I wanted to make it a bit more of a challenge."

I'm sure I could have come up with something more witty if I'd only had more time to prepare.
Be careful what you wish for

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the lynx
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Post by the lynx » Mon, 11 Mar 2013 12:25 pm

I don't know why but I think I heard that Purina Diet story elsewhere before...

SMS did you share it somewhere in Facebook or anything? :-k

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sundaymorningstaple
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Post by sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 11 Mar 2013 12:39 pm

I confess, I'm not nearly that clever. It came from on of my friends on FB this morning. But I though I'd never stop laughing.

The only change I made from the original text was from Target to Giant.
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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the lynx
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Post by the lynx » Mon, 11 Mar 2013 1:04 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:I confess, I'm not nearly that clever. It came from on of my friends on FB this morning. But I though I'd never stop laughing.

The only change I made from the original text was from Target to Giant.
Speaking of Target, I realised there is one in Singapore. At Clementi, behind the station. Not sure if it is the original Target store though.

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zzm9980
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Post by zzm9980 » Mon, 11 Mar 2013 1:29 pm

the lynx wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:I confess, I'm not nearly that clever. It came from on of my friends on FB this morning. But I though I'd never stop laughing.

The only change I made from the original text was from Target to Giant.
Speaking of Target, I realised there is one in Singapore. At Clementi, behind the station. Not sure if it is the original Target store though.
Most definitely not.

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