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earthfriendly · Post by **earthfriendly** » Sat, 05 Jan 2013 1:37 pm

Brah wrote: JR8 wrote:
Some of this stuff is so simple, but some of us learn it too late in life.

Many of the messages out there are non-constructive in helping us shape a healthy outlook in life. I can totally understand why people want to homeschool their kids. E.g. the definition of success for a man. It makes them aggressive (either passive-aggressive or physical) and out of touch with their inner being. And then for women, dramas and wanting to be popular. Prejudment, following the crowd even though when it is bad for us.... I do not want to churn out conventional-thinking kids. I want them to be independent-minded and develope their own internal standards, learn to tune out all the external noises.

taxico · Post by **taxico** » Sat, 05 Jan 2013 1:40 pm

it must have been the bad wine.

ScoobyDoes · Post by **ScoobyDoes** » Sat, 05 Jan 2013 5:27 pm

I'm tuned out..........thankfully.

zzm9980 · Post by **zzm9980** » Sun, 06 Jan 2013 8:12 pm

I'm lost.

Brah · Post by **Brah** » Sun, 06 Jan 2013 8:16 pm

Mean this new thread which I think was to break off the MBTI stuff, etc. from the manpower one?

Me too...

earthfriendly · Post by **earthfriendly** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 4:45 am

Yeah. Sergei does not want his topic to be hi jacked. Remember?

earthfriendly · Post by **earthfriendly** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 4:53 am

ScoobyDoes wrote:I'm tuned out..........thankfully.

May I extend my congratulation to you? We just completed the course "How to Train Your Husband to Carry Your Big Fat Purse". We have to undo four decades of indoctrination and now he tells his daughter "marry a man that will carry your purse". Ironically, it was the daughter who insisted that daddy stopped that as it was embarassing. So young and already so rigid, so much to learn.....

Placing values like what is "right", "wrong" or "proper", the rigidity. In many instances it is not necessary and in my very humble opinion bad for our health.

JR8 · Post by **JR8** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 5:46 am

earthfriendly wrote: Placing values like what is "right", "wrong" or "proper", the rigidity. In many instances it is not necessary and in my very humble opinion bad for our health.

So when she leaves home you'd welcome her never speaking to you again, if she so chose? I mean I'm sure you'd wish that she will, but what if?

earthfriendly · Post by **earthfriendly** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 5:53 am

I don't understand how your question relate to the quote. But I don't want to live today in fear of what may happen tomorrow. Anyway, when parents treat their kids well, the latter usually reciprocate.

earthfriendly · Post by **earthfriendly** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 6:02 am

One of my daughter has hard time coping with deviation, when things don't go as plan (her plan) or schedule (her schedule), she becomes very tense, throws a fit. From my POV, it is irrational fear of unknown but for her the fear is real. Slowly but surely we show her it is ok to not have control over the events in our life. It takes time.

JR8 · Post by **JR8** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 6:15 am

earthfriendly wrote:I don't understand how your question relate to the quote. But I don't want to live today in fear of what may happen tomorrow. Anyway, when parents treat their kids well, the latter usually reciprocate.

I hadn't realised it was a quote, I thought it was simply something you were personally suggesting/advocating. Not that it would seem to make any difference.

I'm not inviting you to 'live in fear'. I'm trying to understand how deeply your apparent beliefs go. The logical extension would seem to be providing your children freedom to express their own will, wins out over guiding them, and any expectations that you might have of them.

Do you have any rules for them at all, like bed-times, or doing what they're told, or is it 'anything goes'?

earthfriendly · Post by **earthfriendly** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 6:46 am

One has sleep issue and I make sure she sleeps on time to get her > 10 hours of rest. The other one needs less sleep, no trouble falling asleep or getting up in the morning. I don't have to do much with her. And when the former question that it is unfair she has to go to bed earlier. I tell her we don't give everyone the same thing but rather what they need.

I don't really enforce rules but rather make a determination of what each child needs and offer her that.

earthfriendly · Post by **earthfriendly** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 6:54 am

JR8 wrote:
Do you have any rules for them at all, like bed-times, or doing what they're told, or is it 'anything goes'?

I told them to question everything, including my words and my rules. And in the process, I found out some of my "rules" are not useful. They provide their input and we tweak it a little bit to make it work for the entire family.

Recently I moved the kids glasses, away from where I group all the glasses, to a lower level so they can reach. Based on their input.

the lynx · Post by **the lynx** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 9:00 am

I think this is the one from Noise from Neighbours where the topic took a turn into noisy kids and parenting.

Post by **x9200** » Mon, 07 Jan 2013 9:35 am

From my discussion with earthfriendly on the other topic (about the noisy neighbours) it simply looks that what she means is just what probably majority of intelligent and open minded people consider a norm so it is nothing as extreme and vague as suggested by the choice of the phrases she uses.
As far as I see it, It translate to: take care of your children so they are open minded and develop natural curiosity. Do not impose on them your own limitations.

Sadly I fail to see a clear link between this and the angry Sergei topic.

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