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taxico
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children...

Postby taxico » Wed, 03 Oct 2012 3:52 pm

i've decided i might want a child.

i've had, literally, hundreds of conversations with people with children about me having one.

all agree that you are never ready for a child until it comes along. and that it is ultimately very satisfying.

my dad said it's like a debt - the sooner you finish repaying it, the better.

i'm not sure if my wife agrees... but i've been thinking about it for a while now... but a child doesn't come with a return policy, so... !

boy, life could be worse than making a decision about having children (or not) but i feel quite anxious about it as we are growing... old.

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Postby nutnut » Wed, 03 Oct 2012 6:50 pm

Congratulations! You have made the first step on a long and enjoyable journey! I've got a couple of ankle biters and I have to say I have enjoyed every step, your life changes, your friends often change, your views of things in the world change and your priorities change. It's pretty much the biggest thing you can do in your life and it's excellent. (It can be bumpy of course!)

One thing I would say is ensure that you and your wife are very tight as a unit and you stick together on decisions made about your kids, it's for their best interest.

Good luck!
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x9200
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Postby x9200 » Wed, 03 Oct 2012 7:59 pm

Having children is a very weird experience. You find yourself in a situation you have hardly any time for yourself and you simply can not recall what you actually did with your time when you had no kids. You will likely be chronically tired (a bit different from fatigue), you can not get drunk with your wife both at the same time (providing you are maidless) and the weird part is that you still enjoy it and don't want to go back to the time when you had no kid(s).

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Postby nutnut » Wed, 03 Oct 2012 8:08 pm

x9200 wrote:Having children is a very weird experience. You find yourself in a situation you have hardly any time for yourself and you simply can not recall what you actually did with your time when you had no kids. You will likely be chronically tired (a bit different from fatigue), you can not get drunk with your wife both at the same time (providing you are maidless) and the weird part is that you still enjoy it and don't want to go back to the time when you had no kid(s).


Chronic tiredness only lasts for a the first 3 months really, depending when the baby starts to sleep through and how tough you are on routine! Expect to think of 7:30am as a "lie-in" though! ;)

Maid is excellent if you can spring for one, as it's cheap babysitting from someone you and your kids know well, also, I can only imagine the help it must be when you have hundreds of bibs and clothes to wash daily (no matter how small), our kids were older when we had our maid, so didn't have nappies and babies.

Yep, despite all this, it's brilliant, just t see your child look at you liek you are the only person in the world is simply amazing and to be greeted by your kids after you come home from work with delight and excitement.

All worth more than a million dollars IMO! (Which, I think raising a kids in Singapore probably costs that nowadays ;) )
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Postby Strong Eagle » Wed, 03 Oct 2012 9:55 pm

It's really very simple.

Should I get a pet?

Image

Or... should I have children?

Image

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Postby taxico » Wed, 03 Oct 2012 10:48 pm

i think i'm ready for the idea of children, but i'm not sure if it's something i will/can accept without remorse when it does happen.

and regret is such a dreadful thing to have when you're talking about your own child right?

that's no way to start, i think.

also, i'm not sure if i can do the baby doo doo. i ALWAYS HEAR MOMS TELL ME that when it's your own baby, the doo doo IS NO BIG DEAL and smells awesome.

i've had dogs. and i love them to death. by god, i would do anything if they were in harm's way, but godamit if it smells, steps and feels like poop...

finally, i'm a firm believer in NOT using a nanny/maid. probably still on my soap box right now, but i feel parents should be the ones raising children, not nannies.

(i know i'll regret saying that...)

my sister's got a kid and she's a single mom. she looks tired as heck from her internet photos. she uses a stay out nanny on week days although she isn't working.

tiredness, she said's the reason why.

anyone on this forum REGRETS being a parent?

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x9200
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Postby x9200 » Wed, 03 Oct 2012 11:21 pm

nutnut wrote:
x9200 wrote:Having children is a very weird experience. You find yourself in a situation you have hardly any time for yourself and you simply can not recall what you actually did with your time when you had no kids. You will likely be chronically tired (a bit different from fatigue), you can not get drunk with your wife both at the same time (providing you are maidless) and the weird part is that you still enjoy it and don't want to go back to the time when you had no kid(s).


Chronic tiredness only lasts for a the first 3 months really, depending when the baby starts to sleep through and how tough you are on routine! Expect to think of 7:30am as a "lie-in" though! ;)

Unfortunately not always you get a maintenance free model. Until the 3rd month our son woke up every 1.5h or more frequently. It got better in time but the fun was far beyond 3 months. Now (almost 2yo) I can't do anything technical and not to have him standing next to me exploring hands-on what daddy is dealing with. He can already open all possible standard locks in the apartment, switch on/off all AV equipment, actively chases any opportunity to take over any ipad, hand phone or laptop etc etc etc.... constant attention needed.
Still a lot of fun though :)

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x9200
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Postby x9200 » Wed, 03 Oct 2012 11:33 pm

taxico wrote:i think i'm ready for the idea of children, but i'm not sure if it's something i will/can accept without remorse when it does happen.

and regret is such a dreadful thing to have when you're talking about your own child right?

You sound like a person with right attitude so don't worry. Your world will be turned upside down and you will be happy with it. You will gain a perspective hard to imagine from your current stand point. You will be a different person. We waited 7 years with the decision because we thought we were not ready but finally decide to go ahead as the higher readiness level was clearly not going to happen and the bio clock was ticking.

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Postby v4jr4 » Thu, 04 Oct 2012 11:19 am

Well, this article may help you to avoid direct assumptions that some people made :P
"Budget Expat"

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Postby nutnut » Thu, 04 Oct 2012 12:01 pm

I agree that a maid should not raise a kid, our maid does clean and tidy up around the house, although, the kids are made to take care of certain chores themselves.

It does take the remedial tasks away from you and gives you more time to raise your kids and spend quality time with them, I have seen people who take their maid everywhere to look after their kids for them (most locals to be honest) we never do that, our maid only babysits when the kids are in bed or if we have something very important that we have to do together. It's rare that they are put to bed by anyone else, she is excellent with the kids, and sure she interracts with them, but, the kids know she is not and never will be a replacement to us!

In regards to being ready, I think if you wait until you are "ready" you will soon realise that you were never ready and will never be ready, it's a two feet plunge into the unknown I'm afraid :)
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ecureilx
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Postby ecureilx » Thu, 04 Oct 2012 1:42 pm

Strong Eagle wrote:It's really very simple.

Should I get a pet?

>
Or... should I have children?
>


My other half is leaning towards getting a pet .. of late .. :D

of late, She seems convinced that Cesar Milan can fix dogs .. and nobody can fix children ..

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Postby nakatago » Thu, 04 Oct 2012 1:51 pm

ecureilx wrote:fix children ..


I thought that was called 'parenting.'

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Postby ecureilx » Thu, 04 Oct 2012 3:13 pm

nakatago wrote:
ecureilx wrote:fix children ..


I thought that was called 'parenting.'


oh ho .. Guess Cesar Milan is starting to look more attractive :D

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Postby nutnut » Thu, 04 Oct 2012 3:28 pm

Do not try and fix the child. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth....

That there is no child. Then you'll see, that it is not the child that fixes, it is only yourself.
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Postby ecureilx » Thu, 04 Oct 2012 4:30 pm

nutnut wrote:Do not try and fix the child. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth....

That there is no child. Then you'll see, that it is not the child that fixes, it is only yourself.


oh .. makes sense .. let me see how that translates into action .. in the near future ;)


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