How do I stop becoming a cranky old grouch of an old man?

[offshoreoildude]

I'm only 47. But I can quite easily see myself becoming the grouch of the neighborhood or condo., if I aren't already. I suspect, it's due to the inevitable decline in testosterone, coupled with a growing sense of mortality, alongside the few disappointments life has brought (a bitter divorce that makes it hard to see my son as much as I'd like). I'm somewhat spiritual (a BAC), I try to exercise, I have a good job (too much travel though) and we are not at all strained financially.

Firstly - why resist becoming the old grouch? It seems a time honored tradition for western men at least. Would I rather be the eastern Guru mystic in my old age?

Any ideas? Any other men struggling with this? I KNOW my mid life crisis is over - that resulted in massive affair, a new sports car etc... so I need not worry about that. But what about the next 30 to 40 years? Is it just grouch-ville from now on?

[sundaymorningstaple]

Maybe you have passed your use-by day in Asia. I've said this periodically on my 7 years here on this board. I know I have, but I'm still fulfilling obligations here that require my physical presence, so at 65 I'm still a working stiff in Singapore. Add to that, I'm really starting to dread returning the the US thanks a great deal to the past dozen years of whats happening there. I'm between a rock & a hard place and at 65 it's not a good place to be. You can still have another career in virtually any area you want to go. You just need to "Just do it!" as Nike would say.

I changed careers at 48 by the way. I give up commercial oilfield diving and took up PR and became a Headhunter and HR / Finance Manager of a 200+ man SME here, albeit on local terms.

[offshoreoildude]

I've changed careers several times.... from being EEE to the oilfield and somewhere in between a few other things. I don't think it's work that's the issue somehow. I need to find my dream, however like you I too have an obligation that keeps us in Singapore. And yes; there is a useby date for expats in Asia.

[Darthcoder]

Maybe you need to hook up with some of the ang mo crazy girls here to lighten up your mood. Should be fairly easy for you

*Assuming you dont have a partner that is

[ScoobyDoes]

Firstly - why resist becoming the old grouch? It seems a time honored tradition for western men at least. Would I rather be the eastern Guru mystic in my old age?

How to stop?



Mate, that boat already sailed.

[offshoreoildude]

Maybe you need to hook up with some of the ang mo crazy girls here to lighten up your mood. Should be fairly easy for you

*Assuming you dont have a partner that is

The last thing I need is more useless pussy in my life.

[Strong Eagle]

Firstly - why resist becoming the old grouch?

You want to be a grouch? Don't resist. Go with the flow. If you ever get to the US, you'll be a Republican... whining (US), whinging (UK) about everything.

Choices are simple. You can grow old... and at age 47, I judge you have reached this place prematurely... or you can grow to be an elder.

What's the difference? You grow old when you focus inwardly... on how the world treats you, instead of how you treat the world. The world can be viewed as a f*cked place, because, in many ways, it is exactly that. As a grouch, you can find 10,000 shining examples of why your position is justified.

But if you don't want to be a grouch, then the answer lies in how you choose to treat the world. How will you take your skills to make things better? How will you reveal about you that makes life better for others? What is your accountability to something other than yourself? It's hard to be a grouch when you are working towards making things better.

SMS posits that he is a grouch... but the reality is that he has chosen to participate in his life, and those around him... witness the many activities he is involved with in his community.

Me... I am a Warrior... I create community with others so that I can avoid being a grouch... because... grouches are inwardly focused.

http://forum.singaporeexpats.com/ftopic90518.html

[earthfriendly]

Every now and then we all need a break from life, the daily grind. This year I took over a month's break from my husband and elementary age kids. I hired a babysitter to take care of them. I went back to live with my sister and did solo traveling in Asia. It does wonders for me and helps improve my relationships with those close to me, and the world in general. It allows me to re-orientate myself. Life is so much more than our immediate roles e.g. as a parent, care giver, spouse. There is so much out there, just waiting for our engagement. I enjoyed reading the following article.

http://sweepingzen.com/giving-til-it-doesnt-hurt

[x9200]

I'm only 47. But I can quite easily see myself becoming the grouch of the neighborhood or condo., if I aren't already. I suspect, it's due to the inevitable decline in testosterone, coupled with a growing sense of mortality, alongside the few disappointments life has brought (a bitter divorce that makes it hard to see my son as much as I'd like). I'm somewhat spiritual (a BAC), I try to exercise, I have a good job (too much travel though) and we are not at all strained financially.

Firstly - why resist becoming the old grouch? It seems a time honored tradition for western men at least. Would I rather be the eastern Guru mystic in my old age?

I don't know about the others but for me, your residual image as they would say it in Matrix is of somebody 65-70 so I am really surprised you are that young. In that sense you have probably already achieved some level of grumpiness and other necessary qualities.
Why does it bother you to become a grouch?

[offshoreoildude]

Every now and then we all need a break from life, the daily grind. This year I took over a month's break from my husband and elementary age kids. I hired a babysitter to take care of them. I went back to live with my sister and did solo traveling in Asia. It does wonders for me and helps improve my relationships with those close to me, and the world in general. It allows me to re-orientate myself. Life is so much more than our immediate roles e.g. as a parent, care giver, spouse. There is so much out there, just waiting for our engagement. I enjoyed reading the following article.

http://sweepingzen.com/giving-til-it-doesnt-hurt

Thankyou for your considered response. I did take a month off recently which has made some difference - I took my mother back to Europe where she hadn't been for over 50 years. I too have become far more philanthropic in my old age as well. I agree that life should be more than just our immediate roles.

[Brah]

Just saw this thread now and thought, hmmm, while some may have been tongue in cheek, there is something to this.

While I wouldn't consider myself a grouch, the necessity of using anger and confrontation over the years here to get the simplest things done or to make people stop and think before responding with the obvious has had an effect on me, and I don't like it and don't identify with it. I wasn't like this before I got here and I don't think it's an age thing.

SE has a point, and expounds upon his point constructively in his extra-curricular activities.

We could consider getting a sub-group of the Eagles, a sort of Men Of A Certain Age group, together.

[JR8]

Brah: >>>We could consider getting a sub-group of the Eagles, a sort of Men Of A Certain Age group, together.


A SGn version of Last of the Summer Wine*

(*The longest running sitcom in the world, centred on the antics of 3 retirees permanently at a loose end. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_of_the_summer_wine)

[sundaymorningstaple]

Damned near! 'cept we ain't retired yet. retyred a couple of times but still got some miles left in us!

[nakatago]

Brah: >>>We could consider getting a sub-group of the Eagles, a sort of Men Of A Certain Age group, together.


A SGn version of Last of the Summer Wine*

(*The longest running sitcom in the world, centred on the antics of 3 retirees permanently at a loose end. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_of_the_summer_wine)

So, are we gonna pitch this to a network? Is that aspiring TV writer Scot still around?

[movingtospore]

Just saw this thread now and thought, hmmm, while some may have been tongue in cheek, there is something to this.

While I wouldn't consider myself a grouch, the necessity of using anger and confrontation over the years here to get the simplest things done or to make people stop and think before responding with the obvious has had an effect on me, and I don't like it and don't identify with it. I wasn't like this before I got here and I don't think it's an age thing.

SE has a point, and expounds upon his point constructively in his extra-curricular activities.

We could consider getting a sub-group of the Eagles, a sort of Men Of A Certain Age group, together.

Tho' I am not that old (yet) I also find myself turning into someone I often don't like since I moved here. It's true - the constant daily battles just to get stuff done in SP startsto shape how you interact with the world. And not in a good way. I am trying to seek out people, places and things that I actually like in SP. It's not easy, but it helps. I would love to be able to flee the place 4x year but that's just not possible - so, try to take a deep breath and make the best of it.