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I am in dilemma whether to divorce with my wife

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tan_andrei
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Re: I am in dilemma whether to divorce with my wife

Postby tan_andrei » Fri, 11 May 2012 3:47 pm

taxico wrote:
tan_andrei wrote:...But she start to less caring on son after since she had affair with that guy. No longer teaching him and always spend her time on texting or updating her weibo till midnight. As I no longer allowed to sleep with my son, and he will not sleep till mummy sleep together.

My current concern is I am pretty sure divorce will definitely hurt my son deep but I can’t let my wife continue in this manner.

a. Divorce while owning my kid’s custody as well as my house ownership.

b. Purchase date of my house is 01-Oct-2007 which doesn’t meet the MOP of 5years per below HDB regulation till Oct-12

c. Since I learned to know my wife adultery in Apr’12, so will it be too late to file divorce after Oct’12 in order to meet the MOP? Or is there any success case that keeps the house ownership although MOP not met in past due to similar circumstances?


you seem to want a lot of things. i'm not sure if it's realistic to think that what you want will be possible.

having seen many people around me get divorced, the best ones always work out through a lot of compromise. and a good lawyer.

a divorce isn't as fast/quick as you think. october 2012 will come soon and the flat would have met the 5 year period. good luck retaining it!

oh yeah, like mad said: get a good private detective too.



As my kid only 5 years old and I am quite sure nobody can take care of him better than biological mother. But I really can't tolerate on my wife's behaviour especially brought back the guy slept at the house which I am paying. The most outrageous is the fellow came at once when my son at home. And my son told me that "Mummy hold the Uncle XXX's hand to the master bedroom". Which I am pretty sure kid's statement will not admissible in courts.

So I just think of getting what I am deserved. But definitely it depend on what judge thought if really become court case. Meanwhile, I still hope that my wife will give up the child's custody without going to court case if she know I have evidence (provided I able to get). As I really don't want my son to know what his mum did, this might be a humiliation to him and I can't imagine the impact to his grown.

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Postby Mad Scientist » Sat, 12 May 2012 12:34 pm

OP.
This is what I know and I stand to be corrected
1. In Singapore, custody of a child during a divorce proceeding always favors the wife unless she gives up custody or the court found her to be mentally unfit.
2. Private Investigators are not expensive and their evidence is submissible in court. From memory at Katong vicinity are some good and reasonable ones.
3. Alimony when child is involve will be an expensive affairs
4. What you assume she did must be proof in court or else you will lose hence PIs and lawyer always comes in handy. Family court do have a list of lawyers and their charges

Lastly, although I have not gone thru this path and I am still with the same woman after 25 years of marriage, I have seen and understand what this lead to.
Nobody wins in a divorce case.
Everyone loses alot mentally, physically and emotionally
And you know what ? The one that loses the most is your child
If you start thinking about money first albeit saving your HDB house etc rather than saving your marriage then you will lose
The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.Yahoo !!!

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Postby DesertPhoenix » Mon, 21 May 2012 6:10 pm

My 2 cents:

Getting a divorce in Singapore on the grounds of adultery by the spouse is both difficult to prove and time consuming/costly since you have to engage a PI for gathering dirt.

More than anything, it causes more pain and acrimony which could be avoided. Once you have decided that the marriage is not worth saving, you can initiate divorce proceedings on the grounds of irretrievable breakdown of marriage. In such case, you dont have to provide any supporting evidence and it makes it easier for the partner to agree to the divorce since you are not making moral allegations.

In my opinion, a marriage is ultimately a bond of trust and emotions that once broken cannot be mended easily and therefore should be given a clean break.

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Postby carteki » Tue, 22 May 2012 1:50 am

Maintenance and alimony are 2 completely separate things. She will want alimony. This means that the money continues to accrue to her once the child leaves the house. Maintenance is limited to the maintaning of the child and usually ceases when the child turns 18 or leaves the house.

I'm not sure what Singapore's position is on Alimony - but there is no reason why you should not want to pay maintenance.

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Postby tan_andrei » Tue, 22 May 2012 2:00 pm

carteki wrote:Maintenance and alimony are 2 completely separate things. She will want alimony. This means that the money continues to accrue to her once the child leaves the house. Maintenance is limited to the maintaning of the child and usually ceases when the child turns 18 or leaves the house.

I'm not sure what Singapore's position is on Alimony - but there is no reason why you should not want to pay maintenance.


In fact I don't mind paying Alimony untill I found out she had adultery with others. I also wish to have a clean break but I knew that she will definitely fight for child custody. Based on the woman charter, I believe she will have majority of advantages even though she is jobless. And I can't afford to loss my child's custody.

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Postby taxico » Thu, 24 May 2012 3:06 pm

tan_andrei wrote:In fact I don't mind paying Alimony untill I found out she had adultery with others. I also wish to have a clean break but I knew that she will definitely fight for child custody. Based on the woman charter, I believe she will have majority of advantages even though she is jobless. And I can't afford to loss my child's custody.


you may wish to have a clean break from her, but what about your child?

she is still and will forever be your child's mother. taking that away is cruel.

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 24 May 2012 3:27 pm

taxico wrote:
tan_andrei wrote:In fact I don't mind paying Alimony untill I found out she had adultery with others. I also wish to have a clean break but I knew that she will definitely fight for child custody. Based on the woman charter, I believe she will have majority of advantages even though she is jobless. And I can't afford to loss my child's custody.


you may wish to have a clean break from her, but what about your child?

she is still and will forever be your child's mother. taking that away is cruel.


The Singapore government doesn't seem to mind doing it. e.g., my nephew's wife is banished to the 'peens while the child is stuck here with the father as the baby is a Singapore citizen but no dual citizenship. :-|

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Postby morenangpinay » Thu, 24 May 2012 5:16 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:
taxico wrote:
tan_andrei wrote:In fact I don't mind paying Alimony untill I found out she had adultery with others. I also wish to have a clean break but I knew that she will definitely fight for child custody. Based on the woman charter, I believe she will have majority of advantages even though she is jobless. And I can't afford to loss my child's custody.


you may wish to have a clean break from her, but what about your child?

she is still and will forever be your child's mother. taking that away is cruel.


The Singapore government doesn't seem to mind doing it. e.g., my nephew's wife is banished to the 'peens while the child is stuck here with the father as the baby is a Singapore citizen but no dual citizenship. :-|


sms cant she qualify for the LTSVP+??.

anway to the OP, have you tried counselling? im sure you also have some faults of your own if there is a chance to save the marriage, try it for your son's sake. Im sure having this out in the open will scar your son for life especially since adultery of a wife is not so much as tolerated in society as adultery of a husband.

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 24 May 2012 7:21 pm

Unfortunately his salary isn't high enough for that consideration even if they would allow her back in (she's a victim of the MOM WP marriage without permission scam). We've tried MP, Mayors, side doors. what have you, to no avail. It's been 2 years since she's seen her mother and she's only 4. :cry:

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Postby tan_andrei » Fri, 25 May 2012 11:25 pm

morenangpinay wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:
taxico wrote:
tan_andrei wrote:In fact I don't mind paying Alimony untill I found out she had adultery with others. I also wish to have a clean break but I knew that she will definitely fight for child custody. Based on the woman charter, I believe she will have majority of advantages even though she is jobless. And I can't afford to loss my child's custody.


you may wish to have a clean break from her, but what about your child?

she is still and will forever be your child's mother. taking that away is cruel.


The Singapore government doesn't seem to mind doing it. e.g., my nephew's wife is banished to the 'peens while the child is stuck here with the father as the baby is a Singapore citizen but no dual citizenship. :-|


sms cant she qualify for the LTSVP+??.

anway to the OP, have you tried counselling? im sure you also have some faults of your own if there is a chance to save the marriage, try it for your son's sake. Im sure having this out in the open will scar your son for life especially since adultery of a wife is not so much as tolerated in society as adultery of a husband.


By the way, I just read an article regarding joint custody. I am not too sure does it mean joint custody from both parents even if divorce?

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Postby Mad Scientist » Sat, 26 May 2012 3:22 pm

tan_andrei wrote:By the way, I just read an article regarding joint custody. I am not too sure does it mean joint custody from both parents even if divorce?


You seriously need to engulf yourself in all aspect of divorce before you even start to contemplate the seriousness of going down this path. You cannot even understand simple terms. I truly do not understand how your thinking process works.

[color=blue][b]This is the layman you need to understand
Different jurisdictions use this term in slightly different ways. In the Singapore Courts, the term “custody”
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seperation challenges

Postby ShanZen » Sun, 30 Dec 2012 7:19 pm

There is a small NGO called www.transitioning.org which has a few support groups and voluntary counsellors for the divorced community
Friendship isn't about whom you've known longest.

It's about who came and never left your side

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Postby tan_andrei » Mon, 31 Dec 2012 3:10 pm

I had finally received the Final judgment from court. Based on the final court order, I shall have care & control of my kid (and definitely all the financial support) as well as the ownership of the matrimonial property. It was agreed between me & my ex-spouse when we both sign on the preliminary filing of the divorce. But now other new problems had arisen. Her boyfriend wanted to break-off with her because his wife starts to suspect their relationship. Hence, she is now intending to neglect the court order:

1. My ex-spouse refuses to move out from the matrimonial property. And she expect me to move out from this property which legally under my ownership.
2. My ex-spouse refuses to handover my kid to me and my family members. She doesn’t want to find any job and just full-time taking care of the kid while I must continue paid for her maintenance as well as all the costs to maintain this property.
3. Potentially, she might refuses to sign on the ownership transfer of the matrimonial property while neglect the final judgment.

So while seeking the professional advises from my lawyer, I was struggle with what other action I can do to let her moved out willingly without taking away my son. As I don’t want to go to the extreme and taking legal action to resolve the case. Because I would rather settle it peacefully without mentally hurting my son.

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Postby JR8 » Mon, 31 Dec 2012 11:43 pm

My advice:
Find a specific online discussion group for your situation.

I did, I think it was via Yahoo Groups. Saved my life man.

Good luck to you.



edit: typo
Last edited by JR8 on Tue, 01 Jan 2013 8:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Sergei82 » Tue, 01 Jan 2013 3:48 pm

First she agreed to leave the son with father, but when she realized she's screwed, she wants him back? What a loving mother! 5 yo son is not a cat, most likely he himself can understand what she is doing...

Other thing, mother sleeping with 5 yo son in the same bed (as I read in the beginning of the thread) is by all means NOT normal. Every psychotherapist will tell you that this must never be done at this age, and the son may have serious problems with women when he grows up.


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