I am in dilemma whether to divorce with my wife

[tan_andrei]

My wife is a full-time housewife and look after our 5years old boy since 2009 after she quit her previous job. Our relationship weren’t good due to some conflict between both of our parents, and it is norm that we always try to side our own family members. Anyway, it still not up to the stage of divorce as we love our kid and don’t want him to grow up in a broken family. But things change since few months ago, as she always mention to divorce whenever we had quarrel. And I had started to suspect she had external affair with other guy since January. As I received a sms which accidently sent from her, but she claims that it was about to her sister. And she start to behave weird as I was forced to sleep alone in study room alone since few months ago and she sleep with our son in master bedroom. And she also always carries along her mobile when she is bathing or sleeping. Until I found out something from her mobile when she was charging it. She had some intimate sms left over in inbox with another guy but always deleted on same day. And also register an account in weibo.com using an unusual nickname. I had logon to this weibo.com and found that she had written a few hundred threads which about her relationship with that guy as well as the love towards him. Definitely, the real name wasn’t disclosed in those threads. I was even fury until I learned to that they had slept together in one of our guestroom when my son in schools. The guy is actually a SMRT bus driver who married with 2 kids and one of the kid is an NSman. So I think the guy at least 50+ and I am a senior engineer in my early 30.
Frankly speaking, I am quite appreciate her on taking care our son and he is pretty healthy and strong among his age group. But she start to less caring on son after since she had affair with that guy. No longer teaching him and always spend her time on texting or updating her weibo till midnight. As I no longer allowed to sleep with my son, and he will not sleep till mummy sleep together. My current concern is I am pretty sure divorce will definitely hurt my son deep but I can’t let my wife continue in this manner.
1. Only some web contents from the social media (weibo.com) which I am not too sure if this is helpful on fighting kid’s custody. And I am not too sure if I still need to pay for maintenance if she judged as adultery?
2. My objectives:
a. Divorce while owning my kid’s custody as well as my house ownership.
b. Purchase date of my house is 01-Oct-2007 which doesn’t meet the MOP of 5years per below HDB regulation till Oct-12
http://www.hdb.gov.sg/fi10/fi10326p.nsf ... enDocument
c. Since I learned to know my wife adultery in Apr’12, so will it be too late to file divorce after Oct’12 in order to meet the MOP? Or is there any success case that keeps the house ownership although MOP not met in past due to similar circumstances?

[Mad Scientist]

There is always two side of the coin. Lawyer and private detective to get proof of the pudding before you action anything will be best

[sensei_]

all i can suggest is that you take investigative steps without letting her know first, and build a case against your wife if indeed she is committing adultery.

contacting a lawyer can also advise of any other steps you need to take to protect your interests

just beware that the woman charter will screw you over at first chance.

[tan_andrei]

Yes. I awared that Women Charter will defintely disadvantage to me in most circumtances. But I am not too sure if I still need to pay for her maintenance even she convicted adultery?

And I know it's pretty expensive to hire private detective in Singapore and might end up no result. I was wonder if I confronted my wife and if she admitted to have external affair. Will it be considered as valid evidence if I recorded (with video) it secretly on the whole conversation?

[sensei_]

Yes. I awared that Women Charter will defintely disadvantage to me in most circumtances. But I am not too sure if I still need to pay for her maintenance even she convicted adultery?

And I know it's pretty expensive to hire private detective in Singapore and might end up no result. I was wonder if I confronted my wife and if she admitted to have external affair. Will it be considered as valid evidence if I recorded (with video) it secretly on the whole conversation?

i dont think the law takes too nicely to secretly recorded conversation, hence why companies always say "call will be recorded for training and coaching purposes". it seems you have to give a heads up, which we all know is stupid in some cases.

if you are not in the position to hire a private detective, maybe you will have to do the leg work yourself. basically stalk your own wife, but it can be tiring because ive done it before ("stalked" a deadbeat creditor because the court sheriffs were useless).

[x9200]

i dont think the law takes too nicely to secretly recorded conversation, hence why companies always say "call will be recorded for training and coaching purposes".

You think wrongly. Besides, you are comparing apples to oranges. Its a different situation when a company records its clients for the companies training purposes and when you record a conversation you are a part of for court evidence reasons.

[sensei_]

You think wrongly. Besides, you are comparing apples to oranges. Its a different situation when a company records its clients for the companies training purposes and when you record a conversation you are a part of for court evidence reasons.

happy to be corrected if wrong. another case of mine admittedly in oz and not singapore. but i was recording a telephone conversation with someone who had damaged my property. when i fronted up in pre trial with it, it was dismissed because i didnt give adequate warning about me recording the telephone conversation.

was i given wrong info? quite possibly. will i do it again? most definitely.

[taxico]

You think wrongly. Besides, you are comparing apples to oranges. Its a different situation when a company records its clients for the companies training purposes and when you record a conversation you are a part of for court evidence reasons.

happy to be corrected if wrong. another case of mine admittedly in oz and not singapore. but i was recording a telephone conversation with someone who had damaged my property. when i fronted up in pre trial with it, it was dismissed because i didnt give adequate warning about me recording the telephone conversation.

was i given wrong info? quite possibly. will i do it again? most definitely.

secret recordings (legally obtained AND retained) are admissible in singapore courts.

so your PTC mileage may vary depending on jurisdiction! (shouldn't your recording be made available during discovery?)

[taxico]

...Women Charter will defintely disadvantage to me in most circumtances. But I am not too sure if I still need to pay for her maintenance even she convicted adultery?

you can negotiate this amount with her. it can be a nominal/token sum or nothing at all, but i personally know women (quite a few) who chose a $1 to $10 maintenance "just in case"...

i guess you can hope and pray she gets married soon...

as for adultery, it's not what you (think you) know but what can be proven. the best you can do is to use information to your advantage - seek good representation.

[taxico]

...But she start to less caring on son after since she had affair with that guy. No longer teaching him and always spend her time on texting or updating her weibo till midnight. As I no longer allowed to sleep with my son, and he will not sleep till mummy sleep together.

My current concern is I am pretty sure divorce will definitely hurt my son deep but I can’t let my wife continue in this manner.

a. Divorce while owning my kid’s custody as well as my house ownership.

b. Purchase date of my house is 01-Oct-2007 which doesn’t meet the MOP of 5years per below HDB regulation till Oct-12

c. Since I learned to know my wife adultery in Apr’12, so will it be too late to file divorce after Oct’12 in order to meet the MOP? Or is there any success case that keeps the house ownership although MOP not met in past due to similar circumstances?

you seem to want a lot of things. i'm not sure if it's realistic to think that what you want will be possible.

having seen many people around me get divorced, the best ones always work out through a lot of compromise. and a good lawyer.

a divorce isn't as fast/quick as you think. october 2012 will come soon and the flat would have met the 5 year period. good luck retaining it!

oh yeah, like mad said: get a good private detective too.

[x9200]

You think wrongly. Besides, you are comparing apples to oranges. Its a different situation when a company records its clients for the companies training purposes and when you record a conversation you are a part of for court evidence reasons.

happy to be corrected if wrong. another case of mine admittedly in oz and not singapore. but i was recording a telephone conversation with someone who had damaged my property. when i fronted up in pre trial with it, it was dismissed because i didnt give adequate warning about me recording the telephone conversation.

It's sometimes hard to guess really. In Europe it is definitely allowed. In the States probably not. In Singapore there is not too much protection of the privacy but generally it seems to be similar to EU in the discussed context. What is clearly not allowed is to overcome any clear protection (temper/tap/break into/hack etc) in order to listen to someones else conversation.

[sundaymorningstaple]

Do we have Husband & Wife posting here at the same time cause we have a wife who doesn't want a divorce going on as well.......

[x9200]

Probably not unless starhub uses dynamic routing at the last segments of their connections.

[sundaymorningstaple]

Why? They don't have to be using the same connection or computers do they?

[x9200]

If they are not separated having two maxonline points under one roof with two very different networks would be a bit strange.