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At what level do you personally connect with Sinagporeans?

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sundaymorningstaple
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Fri, 04 May 2012 12:17 pm

local lad wrote:
morenangpinay wrote:In my observation because of the sanitized environment, they have been insulated and deprived of some life experiences which should have given them more growth emotionally. If they didn’t experience any hardship or problems it somehow affects their ability to connect with people or to accept and react to situations which are challenging. Maybe they have never felt the need to relate to people before because everything they need is already given.


Most SGns I know do not have this 'worldly knowledge' because they have not experienced it in their lives. Hence, their experiences are too limited to give advice on subjects they least know about. Therefore, explained the 'stand and stare'. How articulate a person gets depends on how well the person is able to understand and aware of his/her surroundings. If the person is well-traveled , that person would definitely be in a better position to given his/her thoughts of matters of concern.


Which would definitely explain some of the biggest traits of Singaporeans in general. Lack of Spatial Awareness & being Blur like Sotong. :oops:
Last edited by sundaymorningstaple on Fri, 04 May 2012 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby x9200 » Fri, 04 May 2012 12:17 pm

I have never felt connected on a more deeper level to anybody local. Unfortunately. It never even got to any more profound talk. I've been always scared away by the amount of trivialisms and cliches emanated with practically any subject touched. On the other hand there are some people around that seem to have a potential but I have no need nor opportunity to get into anything more serious. On top of this I recognize that many locals act pretty idiotic when confronted with more serious topic. This is not that they are idiots, but simply seems they don't know how to handle such conversations. Kind of lets talk about sex syndrome.

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Postby Barri » Fri, 04 May 2012 12:18 pm

WELCOME to Stepford island! :twisted:

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Postby nakatago » Fri, 04 May 2012 12:19 pm

x9200 wrote:Kind of lets talk about sex syndrome.


Hee-hee. He said the "s" word.

Like that?

:P

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Fri, 04 May 2012 12:20 pm

:lol:

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Postby IOP » Fri, 04 May 2012 12:56 pm

For me is hard to understand this set of mind.
Also I would not prefer to get closer with people with "Losing face" concept.

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Postby ScoobyDoes » Fri, 04 May 2012 1:06 pm

nakatago wrote:
x9200 wrote:Kind of lets talk about sex syndrome.


Hee-hee. He said the "s" word.

Like that?

:P



A syndrome you mean? It must mean it's medically treatable then, most probably with a very long, um, needle.
'When Lewis Hamilton wins a race he has to thank Vodafone whereas in my day I used to chase the crumpet. I know which era I'd rather race in.'

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Postby poodlek » Fri, 04 May 2012 1:11 pm

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up —


As I've been here for a couple of years now, I've acquired a number of local SGns on my Facebook. I have been casually observing their posts and have noticed that they love to post and repost stuff like the above story. The most recent person to post this I commented that I found this story irritating because of the fact that the wife is dead of cancer at the end. I said that I felt that plot element was irrelevant and rendered the story trite and overly melodramatic. The person replied "the point of this story is to show that life is short, so you need to appreciate what you have."
***FACEPALM***
Thank you for pointing out the moral of the story, which I just stated was delivered with a literary sledgehammer, when it could have been much more gracefully written.

A similar phenomenon to the above: one SGn posts a joke, another comments with "HAHAHA so funny lah! Bcoz <<<explains>>>" There must be something I'm not getting about html here....I intended to write "explains punchline" above but it keeps getting shortened to just "explains"
Nuance is just so lost on many of these people...

Mr. K yesterday started with a series of dumb absurdities, which weren't that funny to start with, but he was just being silly. On every single one, he got a SGn to reply with "No, bro, that's incorrect. It was so-and-so who said that." Errrrrr, yes, that was the joke.... So he had to stop at the risk of making them all look like morons by having to explain his jokes to them. My question I was going to post was "what do Singaporeans find funny?" since our humour seems totally lost on them.... But I'm guessing it's something that doesn't require too many layers of thought. Sorta like American humour :-P

**apologies for the massive digression.

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Postby nakatago » Fri, 04 May 2012 1:16 pm

Ha-ha. It's funny because it's true.

poodlek wrote:As I've been here for a couple of years now, I've acquired a number of local SGns on my Facebook. I have been casually observing their posts and have noticed that they love to post and repost stuff like the above story. The most recent person to post this I commented that I found this story irritating because of the fact that the wife is dead of cancer at the end. I said that I felt that plot element was irrelevant and rendered the story trite and overly melodramatic. The person replied "the point of this story is to show that life is short, so you need to appreciate what you have."
***FACEPALM***
Thank you for pointing out the moral of the story, which I just stated was delivered with a literary sledgehammer, when it could have been much more gracefully written.

A similar phenomenon to the above: one SGn posts a joke, another comments with "HAHAHA so funny lah! Bcoz <<<explains>>>" There must be something I'm not getting about html here....I intended to write "explains punchline" above but it keeps getting shortened to just "explains"
Nuance is just so lost on many of these people...

Mr. K yesterday started with a series of dumb absurdities, which weren't that funny to start with, but he was just being silly. On every single one, he got a SGn to reply with "No, bro, that's incorrect. It was so-and-so who said that." Errrrrr, yes, that was the joke.... So he had to stop at the risk of making them all look like morons by having to explain his jokes to them. My question I was going to post was "what do Singaporeans find funny?" since our humour seems totally lost on them.... But I'm guessing it's something that doesn't require too many layers of thought. Sorta like American humour :-P

**apologies for the massive digression.


Hey, remember when I asked here about Singaporean stand-up comics?

:roll:

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Postby nakatago » Fri, 04 May 2012 1:20 pm

poodlek wrote:Bcoz <<<explains>>>" There must be something I'm not getting about html here....I intended to write "explains punchline" above but it keeps getting shortened to just "explains"


The "<" and ">" symbols are used as mark-up which allows rich formatting of the posts. It's similar to how "[" and "]" are used. You can look for BBCode formatting and syntax for details (too lazy to do it myself).

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Postby poodlek » Fri, 04 May 2012 1:46 pm

nakatago wrote:
poodlek wrote:Bcoz <<<explains>>>" There must be something I'm not getting about html here....I intended to write "explains punchline" above but it keeps getting shortened to just "explains"


The "<" and ">" symbols are used as mark-up which allows rich formatting of the posts. It's similar to how "[" and "]" are used. You can look for BBCode formatting and syntax for details (too lazy to do it myself).


Thanks :-) In French (at least when I was learning it 15-20 years ago) they use << >> for quotation marks. I didn't think it would make a difference for formatting...now I know.

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Fri, 04 May 2012 4:05 pm

What do Singaporeans find funny? What we would call Slapstick and/or Vaudeville humor. Visual humour as well, hence the penchant for watching Mr. Bean. :roll:

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Postby the lynx » Fri, 04 May 2012 4:26 pm

x9200 wrote:I have never felt connected on a more deeper level to anybody local. Unfortunately. It never even got to any more profound talk. I've been always scared away by the amount of trivialisms and cliches emanated with practically any subject touched. On the other hand there are some people around that seem to have a potential but I have no need nor opportunity to get into anything more serious. On top of this I recognize that many locals act pretty idiotic when confronted with more serious topic. This is not that they are idiots, but simply seems they don't know how to handle such conversations. Kind of lets talk about sex syndrome.


I was going to say the exact thing but x92 already worded it out precisely - thanks.

And you guys know what is scarier? The fact that I belonged to the race and nationality that resembles Chinese Singaporeans to the point that we behave almost the same way and yes, no one can tell us apart here.

...and I am utterly exasperated by the superficiality and triviality that we all do and the fact that I'm expected to adhere to just because. :(

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Postby movingtospore » Fri, 04 May 2012 8:22 pm

Agree with much of what all of said here, I spend much of my time feeling like I'm talking to a wall here, especially with the younger ones at work. It's like they're just blank.

All of that said, in Singapore, by far the most insufferable, superficial, crazy, disconnected -with-reality person I've met is American. And so very American. So you never know.

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Postby JR8 » Fri, 04 May 2012 9:37 pm

Thanks all for the replies which are both fascinating and also useful in helping me process the situation as it presents itself.

I can't reply to everything above or I'd be here all day :). In broad terms I think it comes down to a cultural difference in how they 'connect' and relate to people. I don't think that one can say they are lacking, it is just that they are different. Or perhaps one could say they are lacking, but only relatively and from the viewpoint of someone of a different culture.

For example Poodle mentioned group meditation followed by discussion. I've seen that discussed here in another topic and the discussion is described thus: ‘.. a circle of sharing of “aha”


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