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Addadude
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Cow Economics

Postby Addadude » Tue, 07 Feb 2012 8:14 pm

The World explained through Cow Economics

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ANGLO-IRISH BANK (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
"Both politicians and nappies need to be changed regularly, and for the same reasons."

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the lynx
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Postby the lynx » Tue, 07 Feb 2012 9:45 pm

Hey good one!

I saw Udders ice cream parlours have these on the tables. For customers to have good laugh :P

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Postby ecureilx » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:41 am

Singapore ?? :

Watch the cow, and do nothing, until the Govt says what you should do with the cow :D :D

No offense to Singaporeans, but that was actually suggested by a Singaporean colleague .. :)

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 12:07 pm

You forgot "Complain about the cow in the Kopitiams but do nothing until the gahmen tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it."

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Postby nakatago » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 1:21 pm

(Waiting for someone to bash us foreigners for making fun of Singapore...)

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Postby BillyB » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 1:28 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:You forgot "Complain about the cow in the Kopitiams but do nothing until the gahmen tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it."


Or maybe, 'learn everything about the cow down to the most insignificant detail, but fail to recognise a cow and how to milk it when one is presented in front of you.'

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 1:39 pm

MILK? I thought Milk came from waxy cardboard containers found on the shelves in NTUC! :o

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Postby nutnut » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 1:42 pm

BillyB wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:You forgot "Complain about the cow in the Kopitiams but do nothing until the gahmen tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it."


Or maybe, 'learn everything about the cow down to the most insignificant detail, but fail to recognise a cow and how to milk it when one is presented in front of you.'

Maybe also;

Spend a total of 14 hours a day in front of the cow not milking it, then, calling those around you for milking it solid for 7.5 hours and going home to see their family...
nutnut

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Postby BillyB » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 1:45 pm

nutnut wrote:
BillyB wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:You forgot "Complain about the cow in the Kopitiams but do nothing until the gahmen tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it."


Or maybe, 'learn everything about the cow down to the most insignificant detail, but fail to recognise a cow and how to milk it when one is presented in front of you.'

Maybe also;

Spend a total of 14 hours a day in front of the cow not milking it, then, calling those around you for milking it solid for 7.5 hours and going home to see their family...


Or maybe: 'hating cows, because cows can be white and black, or mixed......'

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Postby ecureilx » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 1:46 pm

holy cow !!!!!!!!!!! sacrebleu ..

what did the Cow do this time ?? Is it a FT cow or native cow ???

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Postby BillyB » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 1:48 pm

ecureilx wrote:holy cow !!!!!!!!!!! sacrebleu ..

what did the Cow do this time ?? Is it a FT cow or native cow ???


Ha ha! Cows take up a lot of room on their transporter wagons.....cows make burgers which is what all the FT eat so they are ruining Singapore.........blah, blah, blah

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Postby nutnut » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 1:56 pm

Hahaha, I think we should stop this before it gets out of hand, we ain't kidding anyone! Everyone knows, what on earth do you think people will say in response, they understand you mean something else entirely Billy, you're a vegetarian aren't you?
nutnut

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ecureilx
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Postby ecureilx » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 2:10 pm

nutnut wrote:Hahaha, I think we should stop this before it gets out of hand, we ain't kidding anyone! Everyone knows, what on earth do you think people will say in response, they understand you mean something else entirely Billy, you're a vegetarian aren't you?


No, don't stop .. we are still in >-> Leisure Chat, Jokes, Rubbish and >-> and haven't drifted away .. or rather, there is nothing to drift .. ? :)

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Postby BillyB » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 2:14 pm

nutnut wrote:Hahaha, I think we should stop this before it gets out of hand, we ain't kidding anyone! Everyone knows, what on earth do you think people will say in response, they understand you mean something else entirely Billy, you're a vegetarian aren't you?


No idea what you are talking about.

Incidentally, I was told this week by a local lady to 'go back to your own Country, you white trash'......

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Postby nakatago » Wed, 08 Feb 2012 2:31 pm

Country has two cows.
Hires someone to ask how to maximize the two cows.
Drafts a plan, realizes other people are needed.
Other people are brought in from other countries to take of the cows, becomes comfortable being at the top. Now, doesn't want to take care of the cows.
Becomes complacent and just waits for the head honcho to tell him what to do with the cows which is delegated to the outsiders.
There are too many outsiders now and wants them gone because he fears they will take away his job or takeover his country.
Sends both cows back to their country.


:roll:


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