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Cow Economics
Cow Economics
The World explained through Cow Economics
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ANGLO-IRISH BANK (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ANGLO-IRISH BANK (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
"Both politicians and nappies need to be changed regularly, and for the same reasons."
- sundaymorningstaple
- Moderator
- Posts: 39766
- Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004 1:26 pm
- Location: Retired on the Little Red Dot
You forgot "Complain about the cow in the Kopitiams but do nothing until the gahmen tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it."
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers
Or maybe, 'learn everything about the cow down to the most insignificant detail, but fail to recognise a cow and how to milk it when one is presented in front of you.'sundaymorningstaple wrote:You forgot "Complain about the cow in the Kopitiams but do nothing until the gahmen tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it."
- sundaymorningstaple
- Moderator
- Posts: 39766
- Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004 1:26 pm
- Location: Retired on the Little Red Dot
Maybe also;BillyB wrote:Or maybe, 'learn everything about the cow down to the most insignificant detail, but fail to recognise a cow and how to milk it when one is presented in front of you.'sundaymorningstaple wrote:You forgot "Complain about the cow in the Kopitiams but do nothing until the gahmen tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it."
Spend a total of 14 hours a day in front of the cow not milking it, then, calling those around you for milking it solid for 7.5 hours and going home to see their family...
nutnut
Or maybe: 'hating cows, because cows can be white and black, or mixed......'nutnut wrote:Maybe also;BillyB wrote:Or maybe, 'learn everything about the cow down to the most insignificant detail, but fail to recognise a cow and how to milk it when one is presented in front of you.'sundaymorningstaple wrote:You forgot "Complain about the cow in the Kopitiams but do nothing until the gahmen tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it."
Spend a total of 14 hours a day in front of the cow not milking it, then, calling those around you for milking it solid for 7.5 hours and going home to see their family...
No, don't stop .. we are still in >-> Leisure Chat, Jokes, Rubbish and >-> and haven't drifted away .. or rather, there is nothing to drift .. ?nutnut wrote:Hahaha, I think we should stop this before it gets out of hand, we ain't kidding anyone! Everyone knows, what on earth do you think people will say in response, they understand you mean something else entirely Billy, you're a vegetarian aren't you?

No idea what you are talking about.nutnut wrote:Hahaha, I think we should stop this before it gets out of hand, we ain't kidding anyone! Everyone knows, what on earth do you think people will say in response, they understand you mean something else entirely Billy, you're a vegetarian aren't you?
Incidentally, I was told this week by a local lady to 'go back to your own Country, you white trash'......
- nakatago
- Moderator
- Posts: 8358
- Joined: Tue, 01 Sep 2009 11:23 pm
- Location: Sister Margaret’s School for Wayward Children
Country has two cows.
Hires someone to ask how to maximize the two cows.
Drafts a plan, realizes other people are needed.
Other people are brought in from other countries to take of the cows, becomes comfortable being at the top. Now, doesn't want to take care of the cows.
Becomes complacent and just waits for the head honcho to tell him what to do with the cows which is delegated to the outsiders.
There are too many outsiders now and wants them gone because he fears they will take away his job or takeover his country.
Sends both cows back to their country.

"A quokka is what would happen if there was an anime about kangaroos."
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