[Right, I'll take this one.]
Forget the 'man points'.... you want the visa, any visa.... yah?
The truth is, how tight are you with this bird? Essentially married in all but legal contract?
If you're not you're f'd as you have no way of getting any visa. If you are essentially married all bar legally then there are ways in (use the Search, Common law, partner, etc, it comes up every week), then you might get a DP.