Singapore Expats Forum

Should i Divorce Pls read and give me advice

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.

sawat
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon, 31 Oct 2011

Should i Divorce Pls read and give me advice

Postby sawat » Mon, 31 Oct 2011 11:02 pm

i know my wife at 2007.i married my wife at 2009. im 33 and shes 31and a thai.Before we married theres times i cant get her and shes working part time and sudying. I feel in love with her and told to stop working and i supported her for the last few semester so that she can concentrate on her studies, getting a degree will help me get a PR for her in Singapore.

We married after she get her cert.She left me 4 month after our marriage initially was a visit her family and in the end up its was a work interview in thailand and she work for one year . During this time she dont let me go over to see her saying she work night shift at airport and 4 off days a month. She is trying to save some money back home so i dont have to worry too much for the expencess in thailand when she is back in Singapore.She only came back and stay here for less then 1 month during the year and a half year.

When she came back i found out tru face book that she have been with a guy all the years she left me alone here. I see photos of them going to pattya for holiday kissing hugging and bed photos.They celebrate Valentine days together and she even brought him to the familly and relative to celebrate 2010 new years day. I was very depress and puzzled why she came back if shes so happy there during that time. We didnt talk for a week untill she wrote me two letters that she is sorry and ask me to forgive her. She would go back if i cant forgive her.

We talk it out and she told me she was with the guy before she know me. They broke off and i get to know her after thats why she came to singapore to married me and the guy is the past. So i forgave her.

My wife left me again telling me her mum is going for a eye operaton . Her mum fell down after one week of the operation and she told me she need to stay longer. I have trouble contacting her and she could only call me once a day or off her phone. She send me this message
( Although after reading this, it may hurt you, but i think i need to tell you all which kept in my heart for some period. i have been thinking for a very long time, i decided to stay in Thailand to look after my mom and i cant be with you anymore. Thats not the life i want and my family and friends are all here. Therefore i cant leave here. Hope you can understand my situiation and i really feel thankful for everything you gave me in life. Please forgive me and forget me. Take good care of yourself.)

After Reading this i was puzzled cos she was happy here and she even keep some cloths that she wore to sleep in a plastic bag, telling me she will be back in a week and dont want my mum to wash for her. We plan to go for PR interview and many other stuff. I manage to talk to her and ask her to come back, i ask her to give me more time to make everything right for her this time round i will make her feel better and not to worry about the medical cost at thailand. I felt she might want to work again to top up on the medical bills. In the end she told me that she is going to stay at her uncle house as there will have no flood and its more convinent for her mum. Cos her house need to climb stairs to the bed room. The uncle house have no connection and she would try to call me everyday by driving out to her home. And she promise she will be back after her mum got for another eye operation on nov 8. I work overtimes trying to save the 5k plus for the medical bills. which she told me that she dont need cos she have it. But i just wanted to give to her cos im her husband i feel thats the least i can do for her. I also went for thai lesson just so i could talk to her and her family better. I plan to go english course with her so she dont feel bored and bring her to thai embassy to have more intraction with thai people so she can make friends here.

During the few days on the phone, I sence that things is not right so i log in to the secret facebook i created to spy on that guy. I found photos that they are together again, this time she travel to malaysia to find him as his working there.

Im so depress now i feel so stupid to believe her stories , can anyone advice me on what should i do? im Really lost. i feel like the third party and why she marry me at the first place. I still love her but i really dont know how to share my wife with other guy. Should i let her go even though i feel really hurt and lost now.

I worried a lawyer will cost me a fortune cos im not a high earner. I need to wait till she come back one day which i dont know when. I really need some advice. i Feel ashame to talk to anyone even my family members how do i let my mum knows about this, she will be very hurt.
Sorry for my bad english im not good at writing

User avatar
JR8
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 16514
Joined: Wed, 24 Mar 2010
Location: K. Puki Manis

Postby JR8 » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:58 am

It isn't happening is it?

You know it, we know it, you know everyone can see it.

Divorce her.

sawat
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon, 31 Oct 2011

Postby sawat » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 1:13 am

JR8 wrote:It isn't happening is it?

You know it, we know it, you know everyone can see it.

Divorce her.


Thanks for the advice.

My wife dont quarrel with me at all is it normal? i feel something is missing at times but i cant tell what it was.

User avatar
JR8
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 16514
Joined: Wed, 24 Mar 2010
Location: K. Puki Manis

Postby JR8 » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 1:17 am

Maybe it's because she just doesn't care?

The red flag went up when you said she walked out on the marriage after 4 months. Plus she's so hard to be in contact with, and everything seems to have to come from you.

It's not good.

p.s. What is your situation now?
Are you living with her in SG. Or are you still in SG, her floating around and you sending her money she says she doesn't want?

sawat
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon, 31 Oct 2011

Postby sawat » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 1:30 am

JR8 wrote:Maybe it's because she just doesn't care?

The red flag went up when you said she walked out on the marriage after 4 months. Plus she's so hard to be in contact with, and everything seems to have to come from you.

It's not good.

p.s. What is your situation now?
Are you living with her in SG. Or are you still in SG, her floating around and you sending her money she says she doesn't want?


She actually dont take much money from me. During the year there she didnt take any money from me even her pocket money i left for her is still here in singapore. She stays here as a 1 year long term pass. Even i offered to pay her mum medical bills she also as me to keep for myself she have money as she work during the one year she manage to keep 14ksg. She was getting 2k plus while she was there. its pretty high for thai people. Even when i was there for holidays she pays for everything.

I can feel she still loves me maby she loves him more. Everytimes when she start to text me telling me she s not coming back,i talk to her about the pass diffcult time we had till we are finally together she cried.

User avatar
JR8
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 16514
Joined: Wed, 24 Mar 2010
Location: K. Puki Manis

Postby JR8 » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 1:34 am

She loves you so much she walks out and goes off with other men and posts it all over the internet. Great!


p.s. Only thing I'm left wondering is what does she gain from all of this?

sawat
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon, 31 Oct 2011

Postby sawat » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 2:00 am

JR8 wrote:She loves you so much she walks out and goes off with other men and posts it all over the internet. Great!


p.s. Only thing I'm left wondering is what does she gain from all of this?


I believe she dosent know the guy posted on the face book as she dosent know i could see that guy facebook. I still believe she will come back but i afraid it will be more painful if it happens again

User avatar
Mad Scientist
Director
Director
Posts: 3447
Joined: Thu, 03 Dec 2009
Location: TIMBUKTU

Postby Mad Scientist » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 3:06 am

Let's put the emotion part out of the equation.

Questions ?

You wife studied in SG for the degree ?

She stayed here under what pass ?

What work pass are you having in SG ?

You ROM in SG ?
The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.Yahoo !!!

sawat
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon, 31 Oct 2011

Postby sawat » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 4:47 am

Mad Scientist wrote:Let's put the emotion part out of the equation.

Questions ?

You wife studied in SG for the degree ?

She stayed here under what pass ?

What work pass are you having in SG ?

You ROM in SG ?


She got her degree in Thailand

She stay here under long term pass renew yearly

I'm a Singaporean

I Rom in SG

User avatar
Mad Scientist
Director
Director
Posts: 3447
Joined: Thu, 03 Dec 2009
Location: TIMBUKTU

Postby Mad Scientist » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 5:30 am

sawat wrote:She got her degree in Thailand

She stay here under long term pass renew yearly

I'm a Singaporean

I Rom in SG


Ah....... that's better and now we have clarity

These is two fold.

1. To divorce her, you can engage a family lawyer or seek MCD or SOS help. Best to seek advice from social worker or family counsel . This is a matter of the heart so it is best to get advice from them or family members as they can be the judge and give you an honest opinion. There is always two sides of the coin. I am not the best person to give you advice on the matter of the heart. All I can provide is avenues for you to go

2. If you decide to go ahead with this procedure, MCD can guide you. Since you and your wife do not have any children, it should be a straight forward divorce proceeding which is cheaper. If you have proof of her going behind your back, then it will be a done deal before you know it.

Family lawyer can be an expensive procedure. Procedures are easy to do . The pain and the wound that follow suit will have a hard time to heal.
The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.Yahoo !!!

sawat
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon, 31 Oct 2011

Postby sawat » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 8:57 am

Sorry what is MCD? I did talk to me about sepration on the phone before. She told me to send the letter for her to sign and send all clothings back to her. Or throw them away, is this a better way I'm also afraid if I see her cry. My heart will give in again

User avatar
Mad Scientist
Director
Director
Posts: 3447
Joined: Thu, 03 Dec 2009
Location: TIMBUKTU

Postby Mad Scientist » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 9:20 am

Ministry of Community Development Youth and Sport

www.mcys.gov.sg

If she already agree to it, what is there to discuss ?
The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.Yahoo !!!

sawat
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon, 31 Oct 2011

Postby sawat » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 9:41 am

Mad Scientist wrote:Ministry of Community Development Youth and Sport

www.mcys.gov.sg

If she already agree to it, what is there to discuss ?


I guess I still finding excuse to hold on. I still love her after what she did. I still waiting for her to come back. I really want to hear what she have to say. Actually I also don't know what to do

User avatar
Mad Scientist
Director
Director
Posts: 3447
Joined: Thu, 03 Dec 2009
Location: TIMBUKTU

Postby Mad Scientist » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 10:46 am

sawat wrote:
Mad Scientist wrote:Ministry of Community Development Youth and Sport

www.mcys.gov.sg

If she already agree to it, what is there to discuss ?


I guess I still finding excuse to hold on. I still love her after what she did. I still waiting for her to come back. I really want to hear what she have to say. Actually I also don't know what to do


Like I said before this is the matter of the heart. I cannot advise you on this per se. I am blessed being married to the same woman over 30 years and blessed with children from our marriage. Marriage is about compromising. Hence I understand from a married man POV but I did not go thru this rocky situation and I am clueless to tell you what to do.
All I can say after reading your post, it looks like she is taking you for a ride and dump you for another man. You are holding out for her which may not be a wise choice as she may not return. Since you have no kids, move on with your life and take lesson from this bitter relationship. How long will it heal only you can decide.
The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.Yahoo !!!

sawat
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon, 31 Oct 2011

Postby sawat » Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:16 am

Thanks I think I have to let it go. It's hurts when she call me this morning and talks normal to me. I didnt her to know. That I found out she is with the guy now cos I want her to settle her things here. I feel so down seeing her cloths and stuff around me even the toys we bought together for my newphew. I'm sad when I see him plays with it.
I ask her to come back to see me for two days just to let me see her hoping she would leave the guy. But the answer is I can't come back now ..............


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests