MARRYING IN SINGAPORE/MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE

dough_girl · Post by **dough_girl** » Tue, 26 Jul 2011 10:29 pm

Hi All,

I am Pinay and 23 years old. I previously worked in Singapore Sept 2009 with TEP and went back home after I finished my contract. (I am a newly graduate on that same year and I am not aware of the passes because I was applied by an agency) I met my current boyfriend(Singaporean-Chinese) at that previous company before I went back. We got together when I was already in Philippines so its a long distance relationship. I have no plans of going back to Singapore yet but I had a call from my previous employer that he wants me back to his company after a month of going back to my hometown. He offered me an SPass, so thats a good news for me and my boyfriend. I accepted the offer and that I just need to get a pass from my country that I can work overseas and a plane ticket. When I reached Singapore I was told that I don't need any document to send my employer (because my employer have an agency that will process all that) I didn't sign any contract because I was told clearly that If the business doesn't make it I will have to go home. But I don't believe that the business is not getting any profit because in the first place he wont be able to hire me if he is not earning and not have quota. I am still dating the same boyfriend that I met on that same company until I had to go back home again. My employer closed down his business and I have to go look for another job or go back home. I chose to apply to another company, and they all wanna hire me but the problem is I kept getting rejected by MOM. I don't know whats the reason but I still kept on applying until I really need to go back home because my Spass is cancelled and that I only have few days to stay in Singapore. It was really sad, because I found out that my employer's agency changed the years on my Certification, which makes it very hard for me to apply. I still tried to apply using my original document, but I still get the same outcome. It was really hard for me and my boyfriend to separate the second time because I need to go back home again and that he also need to serve NS.

I already gave up applying for a job there, but I never stopped and gave up on my relationship with my boyfriend, he has been very supportive of me and that we always find time for each other. I went to Singapore for a visit and celebrated our 1 year in Indonesia and he also went here in Philippines just recently not just for a visit but also proposed to me. So now, we are engaged. (anyway, he's 21 y/o and he just graduated and he’s working as a part time telemarketer).

I am working for this company here in Philippines for 5 months now, and I'm going to be promoted to a higher post by the end of this month and there’s a bond for 2 years. My boyfriend is going for army next month and it’s also 2 years. But the thing is, he already wants to marry me and settle with me once he finished his training (which is 2 weeks after getting inside the camp). I am not sure if he is rushing into things but I never think twice and that I am also old enough beside that I love him, I believe that he is the man I want to marry. I am willing to give up my career here in Philippines to go there and be with Him and have plans of settling together as a happy couple. But I am afraid and lost confidence of getting any passes there.

Based on my history in my experience in Singapore, I just want to know from other people's point of view if the decision of marrying him is just a marriage of convenience, based on the fact that they stereotype Filipinas who works in Singapore to have a greener pasture...

It would be of great appreciation to anyone who will take the time to answer my post.

dough_grrrl vs. sadreality

ksl · Post by **ksl** » Wed, 27 Jul 2011 12:04 am

You should have no problems at all! Use all the documentation you can to support your relationship!

You could also get your boyfriend to make an affidavit now of his relationship when he first met you and where, and planned date of marriage, to rule out the convenience, a relationship that is documented may save the day. I wouldn't worry so much about the marriage of convenience its hardly that!.

Your boyfriend being a Singaporean will be a plus for you too!

dough_girl · Post by **dough_girl** » Wed, 27 Jul 2011 12:33 am

KSL thanks for taking time to answer my post.

you said that i need to "Use all the documentation you can to support your relationship!"
- i have those as proof of my relationship with him, im more worried about my previous records that the MOM have vs. the authentic one that i have that will affect the approval of LTVP or worst is not getting working pass. And right after the registration for marriage, i don't want suddenly i need to go back again because of this and that..its traumatizing, especially when your in another country that you still don't know all the other laws.. as much as possible, i want to check all these before we execute..

dough_grrrl vs. sadreality

Mad Scientist · Post by **Mad Scientist** » Wed, 27 Jul 2011 4:32 am

ksl wrote:You should have no problems at all! Use all the documentation you can to support your relationship!

You could also get your boyfriend to make an affidavit now of his relationship when he first met you and where, and planned date of marriage, to rule out the convenience, a relationship that is documented may save the day. I wouldn't worry so much about the marriage of convenience its hardly that!.

Your boyfriend being a Singaporean will be a plus for you too!

KSL, I disagree. In a nutshell this is what I understood

1. Boy 21 going to NS
2. Girl came here twice under S pass 23 and from the Peens
3. They are not even married
4. Boy has no income to support future wife which is at min. $2.5K and from word on the ground looks like $2.8K
5. Forget about LTSVP, she will be lucky to stay here under SVP if she is married.
6. She is not under EP before where she can show proof of co-habitation.Moroever it does not work for local and PR applying LTSVP
7. There is nothing to stop them ROM in SG but to get the LTSVP pass will be another ball game.
8. Yet alone she wants to work once she got the LTSVP which will be another set of problems
9. No job stability from bf. and gf already came to work here udner S Pass, I will be damn surprised if ICA does not chime the bell.

If they tie the knot now, it will be perfect storm for both of them. They will be neither here nor there. If they procreate , it will add insult to injury

OP , I have kids too. Grown up kids. From my 2cents. Take a step back. Do not commit to something you cannot ascertain your future will be.
Love is blind but ICA is not

ksl · Post by **ksl** » Wed, 27 Jul 2011 3:22 pm

But the thing is, he already wants to marry me and settle with me once he finished his training (which is 2 weeks after getting inside the camp).

Yes MS you are right, I miss read the article, thinking they would wait until after his NS 2 years.

But if it was me, it wouldn't interfere with my love life and Singapore isn't the only Country in the world with criteria to fulfil and 2 years is not long to wait, marriage is much more demanding so yes they should wait and use the time to improve their financial and educational demands.

therat · Post by **therat** » Wed, 27 Jul 2011 4:57 pm

because I found out that my employer's agency changed the years on my Certification, which makes it very hard for me to apply. I still tried to apply using my original document, but I still get the same outcome.

What will MOM think?
Will MOM buy her explanation?

ausinsg · Post by **ausinsg** » Fri, 29 Jul 2011 4:01 pm

MS, What would be the outcome if they married now, but continued to have a long distance relationship over the next two years, then only applied for LTSVP for her once he is out of NS and working?

Just wondering if that shows that it is not a marriage of convenience as they have two years of relationship under their belt?

Also, should she write in to MOM and explain that she has discovered that her former employer modified her documents without her knowledge or approval, and she is furnished a certified copy of the original now?

Just curious how a situation like this can be salvaged.

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Fri, 29 Jul 2011 4:42 pm

That would be the best bet, except I wouldn't bet on it lasting the duration of the separation, at least not at their age. I've seen too many fall apart after 6 months. Both end up with an affliction that is interesting to note. Somehow their eyes change colours and before long the relationship sours beyond redemption.

Mad Scientist · Post by **Mad Scientist** » Fri, 29 Jul 2011 7:08 pm

My take ; both are young and love is blind. Why one would want to go into this situation where there is no certainties be it in the marriage nor in the LTSVP part itself. Living apart will result in complications.
Put a child in the equation and you have a recipe for disaster
Marriage of convenience or to prove otherwise is one part but that does not necessarily assure them of getting the spouse LTSVP. He needs to support her with a minimum income. Too many unknown for the future where I cannot even dare to imagine

dough_girl · Post by **dough_girl** » Fri, 29 Jul 2011 8:55 pm

Gosh, I went online to look for answers but all the replies have stunned me, but thanks for all your time to reply, coz I was really looking for answers but i feel a bit discouraged

(but ignore it,just being sensitive, lol)

My boyfriend called MOM and ICA. MOM said that I am not eligible for LTVP, yes, and that if we decide to register at ROM while i am having SVP i can apply for this "special working permit" which takes about 7 days for the result. The permit doesn't have that much requirement unlike applying for a pass, because they say it doesn't require company quota and experience requirement as long as I have marriage cert and passport and all my particulars and the company's willingness to hire me.

do you think its 50-50 still? anyway, thanks for the time, MS, sundaymorning.. I just wanna let all you know that its not just because you all have passed this age, doesn't mean I'm going the same way, and same outcome in life, although i know that's reality and it is sad. All I can say is we will all go through different paths of life and the outcome depends on how are we gonna "live" it. I think it depends on your faith and if you are strong enough to face all the consequences. I guess I am? lol. Anyway MS, you said 6. She is not under EP before where she can show proof of co-habitation. we didnt decide to live together on a long term or permanent basis, because we are not lucky enough and it is not given to us.. do i need to have proof for this as i was under spass for two years but was only given a year? maybe only proof is my bf' post..

taxico · Post by **taxico** » Sat, 30 Jul 2011 10:21 am

you're 23. your 21 year old fiance is enlisting for NS soon.

i wouldn't go as far to say that the two of you are young and reckless, but i will say that "love" isn't about being together side-by-side most of the time or living in the same house or even the same country...

visa aside, i would recommend you not get married just yet (like the others have said). wait until he has at least finished his NS. situations and circumstances change and so will a young person's mind - especially in this day and age.

it's easy to say that you are willing to give up your life and career now. carpe diem! but remember, hindsight is always 20/20...

assuming you are granted a long term visit pass/non-working visa after you get married to him when he finishes basic training. as the others have implied... then what? are you going to sit in his parents' home and help out with house work?

the two of you can make it work if you try, even without getting married or for you to step into singapore (yet). many couples have, and came out stronger.

nevertheless, i hope you can land a job in singapore based on your own merits. it's a more prudent choice just in case (knock on wood) things go south.

btw, although i don't really know what you mean, but i would try to officially rectify the "changed the years" issue with ICA/MOM asap.

good luck!

Mad Scientist · Post by **Mad Scientist** » Sat, 30 Jul 2011 1:32 pm

dough_girl wrote:
My boyfriend called MOM and ICA. MOM said that I am not eligible for LTVP, yes, and that if we decide to register at ROM while i am having SVP i can apply for this "special working permit" which takes about 7 days for the result. The permit doesn't have that much requirement unlike applying for a pass, because they say it doesn't require company quota and experience requirement as long as I have marriage cert and passport and all my particulars and the company's willingness to hire me.
lol. Anyway MS, you said 6. She is not under EP before where she can show proof of co-habitation. we didnt decide to live together on a long term or permanent basis, because we are not lucky enough and it is not given to us.. do i need to have proof for this as i was under spass for two years but was only given a year? maybe only proof is my bf' post..

Herein lies the rub of what your bf gathers. Chances of you getting rejection is higher than approval based on special working permit.
I have many of my men in the army who did exactly this ploy just to escape field training and overseas exercise for reason wife is pregnant or having a family at such a young age bah blah blah
As the standing law permit married man to stay out of the camp for the night if there is no night training or wife bearing a child or whatever excuses they can produce, it did not last forever. Just two years of their NS life. Then on, they have to face the reality of having a family at such a young age with no job, family to feed, no education and many more. Most of the marriages did not last which is sad to say.
I would not want this to happen to you. Of course everyone path in life differs but you learned from lessons that others made and try to avert from this worst possible scenarios..
Blunt truth is always hard to swallow. What do you want me to say ? Encourage you to go ahead and get hitch and not telling you the repercussion of your actions ? That will be doing a disservice to you and to everyone that read this post. Yes, you are discourage and upset but sometime to err on the side of caution is always a wise thing to do.
For your last question , I would not know as it all depends on ICA perception. If you are adamant to go ahead with this, I wish you best of luck and my conscience is clear.

dough_girl · Post by **dough_girl** » Sat, 30 Jul 2011 10:21 pm

Gosh, I was okay going through the long distance relationship thing, until he popped that question. Its depressing because I just want to end the distance. MS, I now have a much better understanding of what you were trying to tell me on your previous post, thanks so much for those kind words. Taxico, thanks for the advice.
We haven't talked about it yet, but I guess there will be a lot of flying in the event that it might not happen anytime soon.

Appreciate all your replies, grazie!

Asian_Geekette · Post by **Asian_Geekette** » Sun, 31 Jul 2011 9:54 pm

Dear dough_girl,

Wag kang magpadala sa bugso ng damdamin. If it's really love and you're fated to be with each other, what is just two years? If you get married with all the complications and have a child, you may end up raising the kid alone in the Philippines and you won't be able to come to Singapore and stay here. Then if you get fed up with the situation, you can't get a divorce because we don't have divorce in the Philippines. We just have legal separation which is expensive and messy.

I know it sounds like the world is against you but there are lots of hurdles you have to jump through.

Don't let your emotions get hold of you.

I hope you two decide to think of the long-term implications and do what is right for the two of you.

Cheers,
Asian_Geekette

dough_girl · Post by **dough_girl** » Sun, 31 Jul 2011 10:21 pm

Asian_Geekette, I do understand your advise and intentions, but I never mention anything about having kids and all that. Its as simple as going out with your boyfriend, being with him and not just over the phone, but in person. How a couple live their normal life together, the feeling of not having all these simplest things is my key point. I am not desperate to marry, I'm just expecting for an answer.

Anyway my boyfriend will be inside the camp tomorrow. We still haven't talked about it yet.

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MARRYING IN SINGAPORE/MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE

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