SGns being shy

[JayCee]

I am just here for a week, still quite new but have been already quite fed up with, the so-called singaporean 'small talks' that are always about insignificant, trivial stuffs that hardly interest me... NO OPINIONs and NO any PERSONAL COMMENTS involved at all!

I mean that could be good at first, who wants a company that has too many to say about everything? but as time goes by, shouldnt quality of talks go further too? Really, I would rather save my word if i cant have real conversation with them... Ofcoz we all dont want to offense others, especially culturally, we all want to stay out of trouble... buy, hey just conveying urself a lil bit is no danger to society right?

You said it yourself, you've only been there a week, you're still the new person, an outsider, it's not only Singapore I doubt you'd have people opening up to you much in the office in most countries in the world after only a week. Give it 6 months and things may change.

Also, writing correctly is no danger to society either.

[Brah]

Japanese tend to be the same. For example, HR only find out when a person resigns about whatever gripes they might have had with a boss or other colleague. And in other social situations, like with neighbors, you may get shunned because of doing something considered offensive but you may never know why.

And there are definitely time cases where anticonfrontationalism can be a bit of a cop out.

I can answer you this

Malays are traditionally shy and polite race. When they converse, it is always mentioned in a "third person " way. There will never be "In your face" like us i.e be upfront.
Even if they see something is not right, the comment will be more subtle and unnoticeable to the offending person especially if you are Caucasian.
The only thing you must be aware of is not to touch on subject of Islam which will make defend in arms.
My neighbour in Indonesia was the same. We did not know that they do not like what we did, for over 10 years, until they moved out. I tend to park my car close to their driveway but not blocking it . It was unintentional as I was always coming and going but little did I realised that they do not like it. I told them , you can always tell me as it was my fault. I apologised to them for the inconveniences but that made them more recluse and till now has not spoken to us. Strange but this is how they behave

[Brah]

Partially agree, but the problem is, it can cause just as many problems as it attempts to solve.

The fix is so simple people think too much about it to make it happen - just be a neutral human being and talk to the other person in a neutral way with natural human compassion and camaraderie without attitude, kiasu or other hangups, and if that doesn't fix things, then they weren't worth the time in the first place.

Works for me.

As a local, I can only speak for myself. Generally, SGns do not like to be confrontational unless they feel strongly about it. Even so, some choose to ignore it for fear of getting themselves into the limelight ( with all the online media and video, it is easy to be caught in a video or picture and posted in the internet ). Opinions are expressed as an anonymous guest in some online discussions. Most of them would not like to speak 'in your face' but rather behind your back. Hence, it is quite difficult to find out the problem ( their problems ) with you.

Actually, for most South East Asians. It's about saving face, trying to "preserve social harmony" and the concept of shame...

DISCLAIMER: not a socioanthropologist but rather a SEAsian.

I actually agree with the above. All in the name of avoiding potential embarrassment...

[hougangpeterlee]

As a local, I can only speak for myself. Generally, SGns do not like to be confrontational unless they feel strongly about it. Even so, some choose to ignore it for fear of getting themselves into the limelight ( with all the online media and video, it is easy to be caught in a video or picture and posted in the internet ). Opinions are expressed as an anonymous guest in some online discussions. Most of them would not like to speak 'in your face' but rather behind your back. Hence, it is quite difficult to find out the problem ( their problems ) with you.

So Singaporeans are a bunch of back-stabbers, is what you're basically
saying?

Spot on as usual! Very intelligent post!

[nakatago]

As a local, I can only speak for myself. Generally, SGns do not like to be confrontational unless they feel strongly about it. Even so, some choose to ignore it for fear of getting themselves into the limelight ( with all the online media and video, it is easy to be caught in a video or picture and posted in the internet ). Opinions are expressed as an anonymous guest in some online discussions. Most of them would not like to speak 'in your face' but rather behind your back. Hence, it is quite difficult to find out the problem ( their problems ) with you.

So Singaporeans are a bunch of back-stabbers, is what you're basically
saying?

Spot on as usual! Very intelligent post!

Ok, that's enough silly posts. You can send your PM now, using your Dutch ISP.

-Moderator

[hougangpeterlee]

I am just here for a week, still quite new but have been already quite fed up with, the so-called singaporean 'small talks' that are always about insignificant, trivial stuffs that hardly interest me... NO OPINIONs and NO any PERSONAL COMMENTS involved at all!

I mean that could be good at first, who wants a company that has too many to say about everything? but as time goes by, shouldnt quality of talks go further too? Really, I would rather save my word if i cant have real conversation with them... Ofcoz we all dont want to offense others, especially culturally, we all want to stay out of trouble... buy, hey just conveying urself a lil bit is no danger to society right?

Yes spot on, no Singaporean ever has an opinion. I am sure your S'porean colleagues feel you are a welcomed addition to their team and country, hence, they show such great interest in your life.

[ariesrising]

It's not easy to overturn the years of rote learning and reluctance to voice contrary opinions that was a part of our education system for so long. I think many locals also lack confidence when dealing with the angmo. so the result is either evasiveness or blind obstinacy.

[Barri]

Weird: maybe you are speaking too directive or confrontational?
Cause altough I usually explicitly declare to be a barbarian
Noone I know here in Singapore seems to be stopped by that fact from heartily disagreeing with me

[ariesrising]

haha fyi I am a native sinkie. the way I see it, when asians wish to disagree, they ease into it by first acknowledging the merits of the other party's ideas/contributions, then make their suggestion in a somewhat self-deprecatory manner by saying 'maybe', 'perhaps' 'how about we try' etc. whereas I feel the angmo disregards such conversational niceties and goes straight to the point. nothing wrong with that but the asians would feel trampled upon and become defensive. especially if the angmo's 'england is powderful', then they think they lose to the angmo's language ability and confidence , rather than the strength of his ideas. =)

[JR8]

Hehehe I enjoy your cultural interpretations Aries, please keep them up

I see some cross-over between how SGns approach a debate/disagreement and how western women do vs western men.