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UNIVERSAL LAWS

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Ling2
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UNIVERSAL LAWS

Postby Ling2 » Tue, 21 Jun 2011 1:18 pm

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.


2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible spot.


3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.


5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire..


6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance.. The aisle people also are very surly folk.


12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers


14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.


15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.


17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.


18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.


20. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

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sundaymorningstaple
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 21 Jun 2011 2:50 pm

Nice! :lol:

And bloody well true!

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JR8
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Postby JR8 » Tue, 21 Jun 2011 4:56 pm

Lol! :lol:

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Asdracles
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Postby Asdracles » Tue, 21 Jun 2011 6:34 pm

I can think in some addendums:

Weather forecast law: Chances of rain are directly proportional to the amount of clothes you have hanging outside

Corolary: Wind speed is directly proportional to the price of hairdressing saloons

3 Universal Business Laws: 1- Boss is right 2- Boss is always right 3- When boss is wrong, laws 1 & 2 shall be aplicable

Antigravity law: Let's take the Murphy's main law "A toast always fall on the butter side" and one of the main biology laws "A cat always fall on his legs". So let's put a toast on the cat's back, with its butter side upwards. Throw the cat. He will never fall or one of the above rules would be violated.

Loans law: If I owe you 100 SGD and I can't pay you, I have a problem. If I owe you 100,000 SGD and I can't pay you, YOU have a problem.

Chances that you have forgotten something important at home are directly proportional to the distance from your current location.

These are some I can think now... ;)

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Postby dazzlebabe » Wed, 22 Jun 2011 9:45 am

Asdracles wrote:
Corollary: Wind speed is directly proportional to the length of loose skirt you are wearing.






:D
Just me

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nakatago
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Postby nakatago » Wed, 22 Jun 2011 10:12 am

nothing about taxis?

when you need one, you can't get an available one. when you don't need one, all of them are practically asking you to hop in.

:???:

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Asdracles
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Postby Asdracles » Thu, 23 Jun 2011 11:16 am

I discovered one more yesterday, when playing handball:

Your nose itchiness is proportional to the amount of glue you have in your hands


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