Foreigners Divorce in Singapore!

[Otah Girl!]

I'm a foreigner living in Singapore for almost 4 years and I am not permanent resident here but have residing been here as full time mother of child.

My husband is an American and we have been married for more than 4 years in another country. And I'm neither American or Singaporean. We have a kid who is 6 yeras old. My husband kept posphoning to bring us to U.S with so many reasons. At first he said, he would be posted here in Singapore. Then he said something else. But he gives us exact allowance to live here in Singapore including school fees and every expenes and we have our vacation every now and then meet up in U.S and other parts of the world.

He said that if only I sign on Post Nups, he would take me to U.S and help me apply for Immigrant Visa inorder to be with him. I agree to do so only on the event of Divorce. Not while we are in the marriage. As an attorney himself, he represents himself and he asked me to look for a lawyer who registers in U.S to practice. I do not agree with his draft. And I don't think he would be happy with me in anyway after this argument. So i know that it's time for me to prepare for Divorce here in Singapore.

I'm neither greedy nor want to control everything of his. But I want my rights as a wife. If I have no rights as a wife, what is the point of being married? I could have continued to live as a single. Now that I'm old and ugly because of childbirth, he takes me to the corner and telling me to take him as he wants or leave him. By the way, I'm quite younger than him.

Here are my questions!!!

1. Do you think I should ask for Divorce since I can agree no longer with his post nups and I'm sure to know that he would not be nice to me if I don't do as he wants?
2. Do you think I'm eligible to ask for Divroce in Singapore?
3. How will it look like?
4. I won't gain anything according to Post Nups. If I agree on Post nups. What will happen if he mistreats me later? Or give away all his fortune away as I got no rights in it and where do I live later when I grow old?
5. I am only willing to do Post Nups at the even of Divorce and not within marraige.
6. I still love him. But he hurts my feeling. I have been through all the gossips, difficulites and taking care of our child since birth and waiting to be with him.
7. If I ask for Divorce now, will I gain any advantage according to the law in Singapore?
8. Should I go ahead and agree his Post Nups since I'm still in love with him......? But I won't feel confidence or secured if I waives every rights of a wife. I will have emotional problem and will not be happy later.
9. In which way, he would be at his disadvantage?
10. For now, I propose him for Divorce and no reply yet from him.
11. To be frank, I do not wanna leave him. I love him. And I don't wanna sign on Post Nups regarding of waving my every rights as a wife of his properties. I can only agree on the event of Divorce.
12. Do I look GREEDY? It's not our way of doing the marriage. It's really scary and so saddening for being asked by my husband.
Please help me understand this logically and how will I hold on to him?

Thank you very much.
Otah.

[x9200]

He said that if only I sign on Post Nups, he would take me to U.S and help me apply for Immigrant Visa inorder to be with him. I agree to do so only on the event of Divorce.

Post Nups is the division of assets during the marriage. If you divorce, your assets are also typically divided so I do not understand why you would like to do it such way or even if this is legally possible.
I think your situation is a bit complicated as you did not get married neither in Singapore nor in the States so probably your marriage is not recognized in these countries (but I expect it can be done pretty easily).
Yet another thing is that as your husband is based in the States and as I understand he has no assets in Singapore you will likely need to hire a lawyer in the States anyway as obviously it is not in local jurisdiction to enforce in the States anything what may be ruled in your favor in Singapore.

Sorry I can not be very helpful. You may take a look at some other topics on the divorces in Singapore (use the search button at the top right corner of the page). Some of them are very extensive. One of the more recent:

http://forum.singaporeexpats.com/ftopic78036.html

Even if your situation is different you may still find there some useful information or ask the posters for some local contact info.

[Mad Scientist]

Read this

There is a link that show the requirement/guideline of divorce in SG

http://forum.singaporeexpats.com/ftopic ... highlight=

[ksl]

I would recommend that you sign the Post Nuptial agreement, in a court of law, it still has to be seen has fair! You already have a good case against him, to show that he is almost blackmailing you into surrender.

Though if you love him and you want what's best for the child, do as he says and bite the bullet. Take it one step at a time, he's obviously got quite a lot to lose, so what are you after?

Even on divorce he will have to look after you in a reasonable way until you remarry, but why divorce? You will not get anything out of it here, that's for sure. Did you marry in Malaysia?

[intellectualsmuse]

I'm a foreigner living in Singapore for almost 4 years and I am not permanent resident here but have residing been here as full time mother of child.

My husband is an American and we have been married for more than 4 years in another country. And I'm neither American or Singaporean. We have a kid who is 6 yeras old. My husband kept posphoning to bring us to U.S with so many reasons. At first he said, he would be posted here in Singapore. Then he said something else. But he gives us exact allowance to live here in Singapore including school fees and every expenes and we have our vacation every now and then meet up in U.S and other parts of the world.

He said that if only I sign on Post Nups, he would take me to U.S and help me apply for Immigrant Visa inorder to be with him. I agree to do so only on the event of Divorce. Not while we are in the marriage. As an attorney himself, he represents himself and he asked me to look for a lawyer who registers in U.S to practice. I do not agree with his draft. And I don't think he would be happy with me in anyway after this argument. So i know that it's time for me to prepare for Divorce here in Singapore.

I'm neither greedy nor want to control everything of his. But I want my rights as a wife. If I have no rights as a wife, what is the point of being married? I could have continued to live as a single. Now that I'm old and ugly because of childbirth, he takes me to the corner and telling me to take him as he wants or leave him. By the way, I'm quite younger than him.

Here are my questions!!!

1. Do you think I should ask for Divorce since I can agree no longer with his post nups and I'm sure to know that he would not be nice to me if I don't do as he wants?
2. Do you think I'm eligible to ask for Divroce in Singapore?
3. How will it look like?
4. I won't gain anything according to Post Nups. If I agree on Post nups. What will happen if he mistreats me later? Or give away all his fortune away as I got no rights in it and where do I live later when I grow old?
5. I am only willing to do Post Nups at the even of Divorce and not within marraige.
6. I still love him. But he hurts my feeling. I have been through all the gossips, difficulites and taking care of our child since birth and waiting to be with him.
7. If I ask for Divorce now, will I gain any advantage according to the law in Singapore?
8. Should I go ahead and agree his Post Nups since I'm still in love with him......? But I won't feel confidence or secured if I waives every rights of a wife. I will have emotional problem and will not be happy later.
9. In which way, he would be at his disadvantage?
10. For now, I propose him for Divorce and no reply yet from him.
11. To be frank, I do not wanna leave him. I love him. And I don't wanna sign on Post Nups regarding of waving my every rights as a wife of his properties. I can only agree on the event of Divorce.
12. Do I look GREEDY? It's not our way of doing the marriage. It's really scary and so saddening for being asked by my husband.
Please help me understand this logically and how will I hold on to him?

Thank you very much.
Otah.

As long as you've lived in Singapore for 3 or more years you are eligible to file for divorce here. The Women's Charter in SG is stronger than in most other countries and from a material point of view it would be to your advantage if you get a divorce here.

You need to first make up your mind about divorcing him though. Do you really want to hold on to the guy for the sake of it, for whatever reason? Once you've made up your mind proceed accordingly. Goodluck to you!

[JayCee]

From reading the first post it basically looks like you want a divorce because he won't bring you to the US to get a green card and because he wants to protect his assets if he in fact does so. Can't say I blame the guy to be honest.

Incidentally, if you're not from Singapore and neither is he, and assuming you're not working if you're home looking after the kid and he gives you money for everything, how are you living in Singapore? What visa did you get to allow you to stay in Singapore as a 'full time mother of child'?

[Wind In My Hair]

I do not agree with his draft.

I want my rights as a wife.

Which specific points in the draft do you not agree with? And what do you mean by your 'rights as a wife'?

Just wondering if your objection is to specific points or whether you are insulted that he is asking for a post-nup in the first place.

Why are you not willing to negotiate if you love him? If the negotiations fail, you can still divorce at that point.

[Otah Girl]

Hi, I have waited 7 long years to be with him. Even though he had provided us financially, it wasn't what I'm after. I want a family life. And I'm not some desperate woman who's dying to immigrate in U.S. He's been trying to avoid as much as he can in order our marraige not to be valid. I didn't really know. If I were smart like him or if I think that I have made a mistake, I can't hold myself back like the way he's doing it now.

At first, he said that he would be posted here in Singapore. Later another reason then another reason.. and so on. I have to live through all the gossips and eyes as a single mother and whatever people think of. This is Asia and I'm an Asain. I can't ignore those kinds of gossips and words from the society.

And It's not that I can't work. I'm taking care of child alone. I'm not in the favor of leaving my kid with some other maid while we are living seperately from his father as well.

If he can't trust me or he has no longer feeling for me, I wanna set free from this. It's very painful. Everyday, I think of him. I don't agree on the idea that we should live on or I should agree with him for the sake of our child. It might bring more pain and harm to him if I have to suffer more from this relationship.

He didn't say he wanted to do this kind of agreement before marriage. Now that I am old and ugly and no ther alternative, he wants to die me into to the corner and say I should sign on it if I wanna live with him together.... I want to have a family life. Not that kind of agreement to be an immgirant there. I can be alot better here than in U.S.

If I cant' be with him, there is nothing much there for me. I can only agree to sign on the event of Divorce as I understand him.

[Otah Girl]

[quote="JayCee"]From reading the first post it basically looks like you want a divorce because he won't bring you to the US to get a green card and because he wants to protect his assets if he in fact does so. Can't say I blame the guy to be honest.

Incidentally, if you're not from Singapore and neither is he, and assuming you're not working if you're home looking after the kid and he gives you money for everything, how are you living in Singapore? What visa did you get to allow you to stay in Singapore as a 'full time mother of child'?[/quot

Yes. After 7 years.... I have finally decided to this way that this should come to an end. I'm not a desperate one to immigrate in U.S. I want to be treated a proper wife. As I fell in love with him, I acted very cheaply with him - like having babies before we actually settled down upon his request.

Why would you think that I would get all his assets? There are Law, Judge, the Court room, and the lawyers to help him to be fair in any event.

I'm a PR in Singapore. I studied here. He gives me allwoance to pay for the expenses. It doens't mean he has done his part of parenting and being a husband. Providing myself is not an issue. If I have to take care of the things by myself, I won't be able to send my kid to International School like now he's in.

After he urged me to sign on the agreement he brought up, I will have no right as a wife to say a thing in the family. I don't think I will be able to live this way. Believe me, you just don't feel like you are in a family anymore. I really feel like I'm a stranger if I have to sign on it.

If I didn't suffer for that 7 years, I wouldn't mind signing it. But I'm not sure... Please give me options and think from his side and my side. Thank you............ Currently I'm so sad that he asked for it after 7 years.... If he has asked about it earlier, we would not wasted that 7 years away from each other........

[Otah Girl]

I do not agree with his draft.

I want my rights as a wife.

Which specific points in the draft do you not agree with? And what do you mean by your 'rights as a wife'?

Just wondering if your objection is to specific points or whether you are insulted that he is asking for a post-nup in the first place.

Why are you not willing to negotiate if you love him? If the negotiations fail, you can still divorce at that point.

O.K. I'm sorry about my poor english.

I told him I would agree to sign on the agreetment that based on the event of Divorce. Now he brings up the seperating of the assets. And apparently I have none. For the last 7 years, I didn't work. I was with him and taking care of the kid. As he didn't stay with us together, all the babies responsiblities are upon me and ALL ALONE. I didn't hire a maid as I didn't want to spend unnecessarily.

It's obvious that he got higher assets and everything........ Why do you think I should waive every right of a wife to be with him? Then what is the use of being a wife? It's not that I asked for more. It's according to the Law that I have given Rights as a wife. He asking me to waive every right that I'm entitled to any of his assets. I mean how much I would get from this..... He was the one working for it. But I don't see the reason to waive my rights a a wife is entitled to.

[Wind In My Hair]

Poor Otah Girl, you know your situation best and if your gut tells you that he doesn't want you there or doesn't treat you as a wife, then perhaps you're better off on your own.

You can get free legal advice from the Law Society's Pro Bono Services Office, and hopefully they could refer you to a lawyer specialising in US divorces: http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/probono/Default.aspx

If you need support as a single mum, here are some groups you can consider joining:
http://www.helpfsc.org.sg/
https://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=6250379642
http://www.circleofmoms.com/single-mums ... ore-408030

[ksl]

You are still entitled to a 50% share of his assets for the period of time you have been married, as you have looked after his child and remained a wife to him, regardless of what pressure he puts you under.

Only a lawyer here can advise you, now i can only offer you a tip, has pro bono service is also limited, to advice. To fight this case is going to cost you, though your chances of winning a fair share should be pretty good, has he wouldn't be trying to put you under the pressure of signing.

Though in Singapore, they do not operate on a No Win No Fee basis. they may still have an interest in taking this case, especially if he his wealthy, and it brings publicity, you negotiate a deal for them to take the case, offering them also a share of what compensation they can recover but don't go silly and give them 25%.

His assets will be assessed on the amount of time you have been married and if you have been sleeping with him on those trips to visit him, or if he visited you. I think it maybe even possible that the guy will settle without the embarrassment, providing you don't try to burn him, (Take it all) so call his bluff, after you have had some legal advice.

A case like this is a prime USA scandal, that a USA lawyer has to blackmail is wife into signing Post Nup papers after 7 years of marriage, before he will bring her into the Country is a disgrace. He deserves all he gets.

[Mad Scientist]

Divorce at High Court is costly. Go to Family Court and seek legal aid advice at community centre. You are a PR and your child is a PR too I believe. You have the same benefits to legal counsel. Can I know what race are you?

If you are in need of lawyers that deal with both American and SG laws

You can try this link

http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/

[JayCee]

I do not agree with his draft.

I want my rights as a wife.

Which specific points in the draft do you not agree with? And what do you mean by your 'rights as a wife'?

Just wondering if your objection is to specific points or whether you are insulted that he is asking for a post-nup in the first place.

Why are you not willing to negotiate if you love him? If the negotiations fail, you can still divorce at that point.

O.K. I'm sorry about my poor english.

I told him I would agree to sign on the agreetment that based on the event of Divorce. Now he brings up the seperating of the assets. And apparently I have none. For the last 7 years, I didn't work. I was with him and taking care of the kid. As he didn't stay with us together, all the babies responsiblities are upon me and ALL ALONE. I didn't hire a maid as I didn't want to spend unnecessarily.

It's obvious that he got higher assets and everything........ Why do you think I should waive every right of a wife to be with him? Then what is the use of being a wife? It's not that I asked for more. It's according to the Law that I have given Rights as a wife. He asking me to waive every right that I'm entitled to any of his assets. I mean how much I would get from this..... He was the one working for it. But I don't see the reason to waive my rights a a wife is entitled to.

You said in your first post that you're not a PR here, so which one is it?

I'm sorry, but from your posts you do sound greedy to me.

"After he urged me to sign on the agreement he brought up, I will have no right as a wife to say a thing in the family. I don't think I will be able to live this way. Believe me, you just don't feel like you are in a family anymore. I really feel like I'm a stranger if I have to sign on it."

Sounds like you've done this previously? How many times have you been married?

Why will you have no rights to say anything? Does the agreement say you have to keep your mouth shut and never speak? No, it just says you can't take a load of his money if you go to the US and suddenly decide you don't like it and leave him (as many other women have done). I truly can't blame the guy for being cautious, being a lawyer I'm sure he's seen plenty of guys get raped financially by greedy women (it seems to be almost a sport in the US).


"It's obvious that he got higher assets and everything........ Why do you think I should waive every right of a wife to be with him? Then what is the use of being a wife? "

For love maybe? If you're not intending to walk off once you arrive in the states then there's nothing to worry about is there?


You talk like he's made you live a terrible existence which is hell on earth, but from what I'm reading he sends you plenty of money so that you don't have to work and can send your kid to International School. You talk as though not having a maid is some kind of sacrifice that you have made, but when he sends you money so you can stay home all day you don't need one anyway. He hasn't cheated on you and he hasn't left you homeless anywhere.


I know I'm going to get flamed for being heartless here, but IMO it's really simple, sign the agreement and you go to the US to be with him, what's so difficult about that? By saying you want a divorce instead it shows what your true intentions are and probably were from the beginning

[Otah Girl]

You are funny. This is my very first marriage that I ever dream of in my life. And I intended to have only one. But it seems very hard to keep it up. If this were my 2nd or 3rd or whatever, I would have been wiser to deal with this situation.... LOL

I used to be a PR. Since I no longer works and couldn't extend the PR. I don't think this is the case. I'm not worried about my status here in Singapore. When I work, I will get it back.

Going to U.S and get immigrant Visa is not a big deal either. The Visa to go there is not an issue.

I'm not sure what the marriage for you is. For me it's as a whole of both party. I want to live together. I want security. I want assurance. If I don't want whole of him, I wouldn't have married him in the first place. It should go to the same to him. If we can't both do that, why we are in still marraige? That's marriage for me. I may not have as much as assets that he has. But it doesn't mean I shouldn't deserve anything.

I think you should start googling about Waiving your rights. According to the LAW: As a wife, you have some certain amount of authority in the family. As a husband, you also have some certain amount of Authority in the family too. Those are given by LAW as soon as you are married. That's the reason we are married. I don't know about you. If I do not want anyright in his life, I would not marry him. If he doesn't want whole of me, he wouldn't marry me either.

If I have to waive the rights that I'm entilted to have as awife according to the LAW, why do I need to be in this marraige? I won't be happy. I won't feel like I'm a wife anymore. I would rather feel like a whore (Excuse me about my language) or whatsoever.
Well, that's my personal feeling. I don't know for you. And I'm an Asian. I can't just get used to with this idea. I feel like he's not devoted.

And Parenting. I don't think sending the kid/kids to International Schools or whatever school is the only responsiblitiy of a father. If you see the responsible fathers around you, you would know what i'm saying. Of course, if you see irresponsible fathers around you, you would say I should be grateful to him. But HELLO! I never intended to be a Single Mother. And I didn't not want to raise the kid alone. It wasn't not even in my dream. This is not a family life I want.

I'm not homeless. Thanks to him. But if I have to leave him, I still can provide myself too. I wouldn't be homeless.

I'm talking the Marriage we made and now he's urging to waive my rights. It's not that I want more rights than what I should have. It's in the Marriage LAW.

I'm not asking about how much I will get on Divorce. I'm not really interested in it. (Of course, I would like to know what is on the plate for my knowledge.) But how to get Divorce here in case we can't agree on the things any longer. I'm very much prarying that he could agree on my term. If not, it won't be easy for us to go on.