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ksl
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Postby ksl » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 4:35 pm

sggirl79 wrote:
x9200 wrote:
sggirl79 wrote:Sometimes it is so tough to go on since me and my bf in different loations and we hardly see each other. Probably only once a month or once every two months. If he is not traveling out from China, he will be 1624 miles away, right now he on business trip, 2018 miles away.

Just hoping to find some consolation/support from anyone who are currently in/been through LDR. Nobody will understand how it feels unless they have been through the same before.

2000 miles away, once a month or two and you dare to complain!? :shock:
We were 12000 miles away for 1.5y and managed.


Compared to those couple who are seeing each other everyday, this is a torture for me and for anyone. I guess it boils down to individual on the limit. If you are talking/communication everyday, fine. If neither have the time to even talk for 1 min per day even in same timezone, this is kind of weird and frustrating.

Anyway i am not complaining here, what's there to complain when it is my choice?

Just want to get advice on how to keep myself going strong emotionally while waiting for him to relocate to SG.
This is what i am trying to explain to you, go out do what you normally do each day without worry, if you become entrapped in your sins, that is something you have to live with, i doubt you can change, even if you are together if it's the urge you get to be with someone else, you are not the only one that suffers this problem, conduct your life has you would normally, that is not to restrict you if you are promiscuous, has that normally doesn't change until you grow out of it, the same for the guy also :lol:

The point of love is love, not jealousy and no one is perfect. If it is becoming difficult for you, you need to ask yourself why?

It may appear that you have made the wrong choice or have doubts, only you can know yourself...and don't even imagine that you know your partner, unless you have super natural powers.

But don't use, your worry as a tool to manipulate his feelings, he's also suffering the same fate for you, but going on with his daily routine if he's any sense, (people in love generally lack sense by the way, only maturity and experience may help)

Women well, they get their men but mostly change due to hormone balance and take marriage for granted, only god knows how difficult and frustrating it is to love in a sexless marriage, as love and sex can be far from each other.

Though if one is inexperienced you wouldn't actually know, would you?

The reason i say this is that I had an affair once with a divorcee, she had been married for 15 years, and she started to cry when we made music. I felt so bad, and asked what was wrong, and she said she never realised that she could enjoy sex much and for 15 years, she had not experienced the same.

Her ex husband did his thing and that was it so it's all about many variables when one meets personally I'm quite open and straight to the point, as i see it pointless if one is not happy in the sack, though one can still love it's difficult to go without the sex! Individual privacy is everything, trust or not trust, shouldn't be a problem, when all that matters is love for each other.

If you are suffering these kind of conflicts, while separated you need to come to terms with it, without punishing yourself, honesty is important on both sides. It's only when one has played the field that rage and jealousy creeps in has it is a sacrifice of living, and while separated you are dead.

I have always said do what you want to do when i am away, I'm not asking you to wait for me.

In my first marriage I was a soldier, i had no choice but to be separated many times on long postings, though my wife couldn't handle it, even with 2 children to keep her busy, Though it was a combination of things that she made her choice to leave, the first was the stress of active service and watching it on TV, the second was she had no life of her own while away, 3rdly she was young mid 20's and missed the life that every woman in there 20's was enjoying.

I personally stayed single 23 years after my first marriage, and failed to give other relationships a chance, I would always lay my cards on the table and say this is how it is from now on, has trust was difficult for me, in the end I became indifferent and at ease with the idea of being separated life is a gamble anyway. So now i get criticised for not being jealous, that's okay has i don't worry about it.

In the end you get old and lonely, has the nightlife isn't appealing any longer. So my advice would be to just enjoy your life and let him do the same, if you love each other it will all turn out just fine, no need to torture yourselves, but let privacy remain that way.

Emotions are the problem, you need to learn to handle them, the best way you can, maybe go out more meditate and love yourself is very important, if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you, confidence is everything dear, go out of your way and socialise more.
Last edited by ksl on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Postby x9200 » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 4:50 pm

sggirl79 wrote:Compared to those couple who are seeing each other everyday, this is a torture for me and for anyone. I guess it boils down to individual on the limit. If you are talking/communication everyday, fine. If neither have the time to even talk for 1 min per day even in same timezone, this is kind of weird and frustrating.

Please tell me what is the reason you cannot communicate this or that way every day? This was what we basically did with 6-7h time difference. I can imagine that there could be cases like this but unless you or him are working and living in some strange no-mobile network nor other infrastructure wilderness it sound strange to me.

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Postby sggirl79 » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 4:51 pm

ScoobyDoes wrote:Doesn't make a difference if it's 1624 or 2018 miles, anything over something like 500miles is enough.

We did it for nearly six years, the last two years of which included my son. Skype and MSN kept everybody in touch and we would see each other three or four times a year.

It's not really so hard, just like being single but with a couple of restrictions :P


Yeah it is not so hard but only very hard when emotion kicks in :)

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Postby sggirl79 » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 4:59 pm

[quote="x9200]Please tell me what is the reason you cannot communicate this or that way every day? This was what we basically did with 6-7h time difference. I can imagine that there could be cases like this but unless you or him are working and living in some strange no-mobile network nor other infrastructure wilderness it sound strange to me.[/quote]

I am always available for him unless i am sleeping and he expects me to answer his call, reply to him almost immediate.

His work has taken most of his time from early in the morning and ends late at 2am. Occasionally we do talk on msn/skype or phone if he is less busy.

I am not blaming him for these because i know he doesn't have any choice when it comes to work committment but generally communication is really important to a couple even for just 1 min a day. It is the thoughts and effort that counts right?

He told me he doesn't even have a min for himself :shock:

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Postby x9200 » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:03 pm

ThuyChi wrote:There was a period when I went crazy and bought ticket to fly to where he was for only two days. Cost me a bomb but made me feel better :oops: For me, if a couple is sooo busy till they can't even find time to sneak into the toilet to call each other 5 mins a day, it's probably better if they end everything. Unless you are on the field fighting or in a coma in the hospital, I can't understand how people get too busy to call each other especially if they are in the same time zone :roll:

I could not agree more. I simply don't get how one can be too busy for the relationship he/she claims to care about.

@ksl, I am seriously afraid that you may be normal and me not but I believe in a healthy relation you should not have that much of the jealousy factor. This is the last thing we had in mind in our LDR.

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Postby ksl » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:04 pm

I am always available for him unless i am sleeping and he expects me to answer his call, reply to him almost immediate
There you go, that's one of the problems!

You must decide if this is the kind of guy you want to run your life, or do you want to run your own life? Not much point in having a husband you cannot reason with! He appears to want everything and give nothing, not at all positive in my book.

Though cultural difference may well be different, you still need your dignity and freedom to maintain your self esteem!
Last edited by ksl on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:08 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Postby JayCee » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:04 pm

He doesn't sound very committed to me if he can't spare 5 mins to talk to you every day, no-one's job is that demanding

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Postby sggirl79 » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:16 pm

ThuyChi wrote:
x9200 wrote:
sggirl79 wrote:Sometimes it is so tough to go on since me and my bf in different loations and we hardly see each other. Probably only once a month or once every two months. If he is not traveling out from China, he will be 1624 miles away, right now he on business trip, 2018 miles away.

Just hoping to find some consolation/support from anyone who are currently in/been through LDR. Nobody will understand how it feels unless they have been through the same before.

2000 miles away, once a month or two and you dare to complain!? :shock:
We were 12000 miles away for 1.5y and managed.


I can sort of sympathize with OP if she is in the earlier stage of the relationship or it's the first time they are ever separated. I came to Sg 2 months before my bf did, it was a living hell for me since we were only together for 3 months and we were always together when I left. Fast forward to three years later, now we are ok if one of us need to go away for 1 - 2 months (and this happens to us at least twice a year, not counting short separation of a week or two :wink: ). You learn to accept that missing your other half is part of your everyday but it should not be drag on 24/7. You will find something to occupy yourself rather than the other person. The world is much flatter nowadays, there's phone, Skype and all that. Trusting each other is the key, if you can't do it, you'll be hurt and the easy way out is to end the relationship before you go crazy.

There was a period when I went crazy and bought ticket to fly to where he was for only two days. Cost me a bomb but made me feel better :oops: For me, if a couple is sooo busy till they can't even find time to sneak into the toilet to call each other 5 mins a day, it's probably better if they end everything. Unless you are on the field fighting or in a coma in the hospital, I can't understand how people get too busy to call each other especially if they are in the same time zone :roll:


Exactly! Me and him are only slightly more than one year but never spend time together for more than one week each time we meet. I did what you did - Most of the time i flew over (as far as to Turkey) to find him even for just 3 days and yes cost me a bomb with all the air tickets that I have bought over the past one year (that earns me quite a few free air tickets from SQ in just one year).The most crazy thing i did was once i landed into singapore (after a 15 hours flight), immediately i ran to SQ counter to buy the next available flight to Hkg hoping to surprise him at the arrival area which i succeeded and looking like a vampire without sleep for 24 hours.

All I can say I am trying my very best to perform my role as his gf, meet up with him as much as possible and tried my best to accomodate his schedules, hoping he can appreciate my efforts.

In the end if it fails, I can proudly tell myself that I have try my best and I have never done anything wrong.

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Postby sggirl79 » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:19 pm

JayCee wrote:He doesn't sound very committed to me if he can't spare 5 mins to talk to you every day, no-one's job is that demanding


You know what? I couldn't believe my eyes when he texted me that he doesn't even have 1 minute.

I was fuming :x

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Postby ksl » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:20 pm

You are crazy! I'm out of here :roll: I can see this ending on the Opra show! :???:
Last edited by ksl on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby sggirl79 » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:26 pm

ksl wrote:You are crazy! I'm out of here :roll:


hehee yes i know i am crazy :P

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Postby the lynx » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:29 pm

sggirl79 wrote:
ThuyChi wrote:
x9200 wrote:
sggirl79 wrote:Sometimes it is so tough to go on since me and my bf in different loations and we hardly see each other. Probably only once a month or once every two months. If he is not traveling out from China, he will be 1624 miles away, right now he on business trip, 2018 miles away.

Just hoping to find some consolation/support from anyone who are currently in/been through LDR. Nobody will understand how it feels unless they have been through the same before.

2000 miles away, once a month or two and you dare to complain!? :shock:
We were 12000 miles away for 1.5y and managed.


I can sort of sympathize with OP if she is in the earlier stage of the relationship or it's the first time they are ever separated. I came to Sg 2 months before my bf did, it was a living hell for me since we were only together for 3 months and we were always together when I left. Fast forward to three years later, now we are ok if one of us need to go away for 1 - 2 months (and this happens to us at least twice a year, not counting short separation of a week or two :wink: ). You learn to accept that missing your other half is part of your everyday but it should not be drag on 24/7. You will find something to occupy yourself rather than the other person. The world is much flatter nowadays, there's phone, Skype and all that. Trusting each other is the key, if you can't do it, you'll be hurt and the easy way out is to end the relationship before you go crazy.

There was a period when I went crazy and bought ticket to fly to where he was for only two days. Cost me a bomb but made me feel better :oops: For me, if a couple is sooo busy till they can't even find time to sneak into the toilet to call each other 5 mins a day, it's probably better if they end everything. Unless you are on the field fighting or in a coma in the hospital, I can't understand how people get too busy to call each other especially if they are in the same time zone :roll:


Exactly! Me and him are only slightly more than one year but never spend time together for more than one week each time we meet. I did what you did - Most of the time i flew over (as far as to Turkey) to find him even for just 3 days and yes cost me a bomb with all the air tickets that I have bought over the past one year (that earns me quite a few free air tickets from SQ in just one year).The most crazy thing i did was once i landed into singapore (after a 15 hours flight), immediately i ran to SQ counter to buy the next available flight to Hkg hoping to surprise him at the arrival area which i succeeded and looking like a vampire without sleep for 24 hours.

All I can say I am trying my very best to perform my role as his gf, meet up with him as much as possible and tried my best to accomodate his schedules, hoping he can appreciate my efforts.

In the end if it fails, I can proudly tell myself that I have try my best and I have never done anything wrong.


I feel for you girl :( You deserve a better man... You already did your part so it'd do you justice to run off and find yourself a better man who can be with you - emotionally and physically when you need him...

This is hard truth but LDR often doesn't come with happy ending. Many couples struggled and feeble-minded stick their guns in it, thinking that Fate should reward them with 'happily ever after' after all the sacrifices they made...

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Postby sggirl79 » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:34 pm

@lynx - love is blind and i am blinded by love. I will give him a deadline to relocate, if he cannot meet my deadline, that's it. My biological clock is running low now and i cannot afford another few more years of wait, ending up being alone and old eventually.

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Postby ksl » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:38 pm

sggirl79 wrote:
ksl wrote:You are crazy! I'm out of here :roll:


hehee yes i know i am crazy :P
The least you can do to save face is send him a text, saying if he wants you, he knows where to find you! Go out and engage yourself in life! A guy who cannot share a few hrs a day with his girl isn't worth the hassle! Love is actually not blind! But infatuation is an illness like obsession. Maybe he's trying to get rid of you and you are just not getting the message? This is getting more entertaining than the local news! :) Life must be boring in Singapore for us all to be on the forum, what! I much prefer to sit on the quay and eye up all the crumpet!
Last edited by ksl on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby ThuyChi » Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:45 pm

sggirl79 wrote:
ThuyChi wrote:
x9200 wrote:
sggirl79 wrote:Sometimes it is so tough to go on since me and my bf in different loations and we hardly see each other. Probably only once a month or once every two months. If he is not traveling out from China, he will be 1624 miles away, right now he on business trip, 2018 miles away.

Just hoping to find some consolation/support from anyone who are currently in/been through LDR. Nobody will understand how it feels unless they have been through the same before.

2000 miles away, once a month or two and you dare to complain!? :shock:
We were 12000 miles away for 1.5y and managed.


I can sort of sympathize with OP if she is in the earlier stage of the relationship or it's the first time they are ever separated. I came to Sg 2 months before my bf did, it was a living hell for me since we were only together for 3 months and we were always together when I left. Fast forward to three years later, now we are ok if one of us need to go away for 1 - 2 months (and this happens to us at least twice a year, not counting short separation of a week or two :wink: ). You learn to accept that missing your other half is part of your everyday but it should not be drag on 24/7. You will find something to occupy yourself rather than the other person. The world is much flatter nowadays, there's phone, Skype and all that. Trusting each other is the key, if you can't do it, you'll be hurt and the easy way out is to end the relationship before you go crazy.

There was a period when I went crazy and bought ticket to fly to where he was for only two days. Cost me a bomb but made me feel better :oops: For me, if a couple is sooo busy till they can't even find time to sneak into the toilet to call each other 5 mins a day, it's probably better if they end everything. Unless you are on the field fighting or in a coma in the hospital, I can't understand how people get too busy to call each other especially if they are in the same time zone :roll:


Exactly! Me and him are only slightly more than one year but never spend time together for more than one week each time we meet. I did what you did - Most of the time i flew over (as far as to Turkey) to find him even for just 3 days and yes cost me a bomb with all the air tickets that I have bought over the past one year (that earns me quite a few free air tickets from SQ in just one year).The most crazy thing i did was once i landed into singapore (after a 15 hours flight), immediately i ran to SQ counter to buy the next available flight to Hkg hoping to surprise him at the arrival area which i succeeded and looking like a vampire without sleep for 24 hours.

All I can say I am trying my very best to perform my role as his gf, meet up with him as much as possible and tried my best to accomodate his schedules, hoping he can appreciate my efforts.

In the end if it fails, I can proudly tell myself that I have try my best and I have never done anything wrong.


I was once the crazy girl who is always available for her bf even when I slept and bought flight ticket to fly over to where he is. I guess it's part of a relationship phases one would go through. However, I do think you should try what I did to see if you can proceed from being the needy girlfriend to a independent one :D Try not calling him for a day or two till he calls you back, in the mean time have some girly time with your girl friends, bitch about him and see what your friends have to talk about their other half as well :) Haha I did it a few time, I felt real good, lost my need to call him and he eventually realised that I can survive without him and he might even lose me if work is all he need. He will somehow dig up time for you then. If he still can't, well, say bye-bye to him, it's time to give other guys a chance, who knows if the next guy is much more better than the current one :P

BTW, you bought tickets till SQ gave you free tix? :shock: I thought I was a very extreme gal but you seem to even go further than me! Come one, have some girly outing, go shopping, flirt with random guys, it's gonna make you feel better and feel like your own self. We woman lost ourselves in relationships and that's the scary part... I once camped at my single friend's flat the night my bf flew off for a month because I felt terrible being alone. You can try that too. Anything but staying at home missing him and losing your mind and yourself :)
Last edited by ThuyChi on Fri, 03 Jun 2011 5:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.


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