Parodying every other post...

[carlsum1986]

And Nak, you forgot ALL CAPS!

I realized I can't fit all the stereotypes in one post so I'll probably do a series...

There's still the one-who-thinks-he's-god's-gift-to-women, the doting Western mother who thinks her brood is one of a kind and is looking for a school/car/nanny/Mary Poppins, the belligerent regular, the local who has no sense of humor, the job hunter who can't do research to save his life, the one who can't type correctly even when equipped with a full keyboard, the stealth advertiser, the drunk rambling poster, the tourist-job hunter who's visa's about to run out, the dominant party shill, and so on and so forth, ad nauseam...

Good post!! I'll start you off with one:

1. The 'innocent' newbie who wants to start a new networking group to get to know and meet new people. 'Hey, I'm new in town and am looking to start a really unique networking group. Anyone interested give me a shout'.
Translated means - I'm new in town and am working in a job where I want to sell you something - such as insurance or an IFA. Let's meet at Starbucks for a breakfast networking meeting. I don't give two sh*ts what you do and won't listen to a word you say and will try to direct the conversation my way. As long as you have money and a business card that I can take so I can try and sell you something that you don't really want or don't really need I'm happy. I'll pretend to be your mate and laugh at your sh*t jokes and might even buy you coffee from time to time. I'll have an opinion on everything but drill down deeper and you'll soon find out I know f*ck all. If you don't buy from me after 3 grande latte's you'll never hear from me again but you may get a call from my colleague after I pass him your business card because I have returned to my home country to go back to my old job as a mobile phone salesman.

Can also be applied to the majority of recruiters too.

this is a good one that slipped my mind.........had one similar experience to this on the forum not too long ago....being nice to ppl usually never pays off

[ev-disinfection]

Naka, Your post is so funny, I cannot stop laughing.
Reminds me of someone that has since disappeared.

[dazzlebabe]

tic.....toc......tic......toc.........

[JayCee]

I take offence upon such baseless and malicious pressupositions on which your most misguided attempts at juvenile humour that you so which, unsurprisingly, take delight in partaking. Have I not made clear during my time in Balkans (of which I can vaguely recall to be sometime between two days and two decades on which the clear passage of time upon my person has clearly obfuscated any recollections that any of you hooligans will pounce upon every opportunity you see) that I will most gladly share my vicarious life experience of a totally unrelated country such as Trinidad and Tobago on which I also have no clear authority to take the pulpit and proceed on my self-annointed mission of pontification.

etc...

.

Brilliant!

[intime0]

nakatago, that cracked me up.

The whole thing is funny.

Although, I probably shouldn't laugh too loud as it's obvious i've been spoofed as well.

[Calmday]

I have been converted

[ausinsg]

Dear Distinguish colleagues,

I just tried to renew my Singapore PR but they do not accept my Income Tax returns. I am very worried now as if I lose my PR, they will force me to sell my flat. I provided three years of Income Tax just like they ask.

Please help help help me as I only have one month before my PR expires!

.
.
.

Thank you for your questions. I did not leave it til the last minute but the IRS does not give me tax returns before now so how to provide to IRAS?

.
.
.
I do not understand why you are so unfriendly. But thank you to those who are kind to me. I am currently in US working. I was working in Singapore, but after getting PR, a really good opportunity for someone with my Masters degree and experience came up in the US. I always plan to return to Singapore, that is why I bought the flat there as soon as I became PR.

I don't understand why my income tax statement is not acceptable, I pay my tax.

.
.
.
You are very unhelpful, my life is about to be destroyed and you treat me like I would never treat a dog.

Thank you for your valuable information SMS.

So if I do not return to Singapore and start working I will lose my PR? That is not very fair.

I am not ready to leave the US yet because of my contract. Though I do need to leave before my wife has the baby as the US immigration makes it very hard for my mother to come over and take care of the baby.

If I cannot move my family back to Singapore then how?

.
.
.
I hear Canada has better immigration than the US. Does anybody know if this is right? The company I work for is based in Canada so I applied for PR there three months ago. If they take away my Singapore PR, then maybe I have to move my family to Canada although it is very cold there!

Are you sure I cannot keep Singapore PR because I like the place and I am committed to the place. If not why would I keep my flat?!

[JayCee]

Dear Distinguish colleagues,

I just tried to renew my Singapore PR but they do not accept my Income Tax returns. I am very worried now as if I lose my PR, they will force me to sell my flat. I provided three years of Income Tax just like they ask.

Please help help help me as I only have one month before my PR expires!

.
.
.

Thank you for your questions. I did not leave it til the last minute but the IRS does not give me tax returns before now so how to provide to IRAS?

.
.
.
I do not understand why you are so unfriendly. But thank you to those who are kind to me. I am currently in US working. I was working in Singapore, but after getting PR, a really good opportunity for someone with my Masters degree and experience came up in the US. I always plan to return to Singapore, that is why I bought the flat there as soon as I became PR.

I don't understand why my income tax statement is not acceptable, I pay my tax.

.
.
.
You are very unhelpful, my life is about to be destroyed and you treat me like I would never treat a dog.

Thank you for your valuable information SMS.

So if I do not return to Singapore and start working I will lose my PR? That is not very fair.

I am not ready to leave the US yet because of my contract. Though I do need to leave before my wife has the baby as the US immigration makes it very hard for my mother to come over and take care of the baby.

If I cannot move my family back to Singapore then how?

.
.
.
I hear Canada has better immigration than the US. Does anybody know if this is right? The company I work for is based in Canada so I applied for PR there three months ago. If they take away my Singapore PR, then maybe I have to move my family to Canada although it is very cold there!

Are you sure I cannot keep Singapore PR because I like the place and I am committed to the place. If not why would I keep my flat?!

[JR8]

+1

[carlsum1986]

well done....
the best one i have seen so far......

[ev-disinfection]

++ 10 - sweet.

[poodlek]

I take offence upon such baseless and malicious pressupositions on which your most misguided attempts at juvenile humour that you so which, unsurprisingly, take delight in partaking. Have I not made clear during my time in Balkans (of which I can vaguely recall to be sometime between two days and two decades on which the clear passage of time upon my person has clearly obfuscated any recollections that any of you hooligans will pounce upon every opportunity you see) that I will most gladly share my vicarious life experience of a totally unrelated country such as Trinidad and Tobago on which I also have no clear authority to take the pulpit and proceed on my self-annointed mission of pontification.

etc...

.

Brilliant!

LMFAO!!

[nakatago]

I just posted here to say that SMS is very rude and immature for a mod. Who died and made him King moderator? I have no sense of humor so I resort to insulting people, especially people with the ability to lock me out. Foreign talents are worthless people. They should go back to their hellhole country. Singapore is the best no matter what. LKY should be made into a deity; I don't care what you say otherwise, even if you reply with a very comprehensive and nuanced post. LKY is the brightest person in the world, has no flaws and will probably ascend into the heavens with his physical body and Obama is stupid. So are his supporters. By the way, I want to migrate to the UK or Australia to start a life there. Can I keep my citizenship and still escape NS?

[sundaymorningstaple]

+1.5

That's one way to take the wind out of a troll's sails!

[JR8]

+1 (or 2, if it is your round)