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Parodying every other post...

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nakatago
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Parodying every other post...

Postby nakatago » Mon, 18 Apr 2011 12:26 pm

I just graduated with honors but I want a job in Singapore. I know my school is recognized but I'd like to rub it in that I'm an honor student so maybe that will land me a high paying job even though I have no experience. How do I apply for EP and can I apply for PR when I get there? By the way, can I get a condo under a thousand dollars nearby drinking holes and transport. Since I want a high paying job, how high is high such that my expenses would be enough? I know there is a search function but despite me being an honor student, I can't be bothered to read between the lines or even just plain read for that matter. I hope you'll be gentle on me as this is my first post; I hope you don't diss me because I'm an honor student. By the way, please include me for any meetups. My email is spam_me@webmail.com. I will only check my posts to lash out at people who will not give the information that I want to hear.

PS

SE, SMS, you're both idiots. And I think Singlish is stooopid.

:roll:


-----------
Multi-line signature which
blatantly advertises my website
Followed by an inane one-liner.

/sarcasm

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 18 Apr 2011 1:19 pm

Boring Monday morning, huh! :lol:

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Re: Parodying every other post...

Postby Strong Eagle » Mon, 18 Apr 2011 5:54 pm

nakatago wrote:SE, SMS, you're both idiots.


Hey! I resemble that statement. :P

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Re: Parodying every other post...

Postby carlsum1986 » Mon, 18 Apr 2011 9:40 pm

nakatago wrote:I just graduated with honors but I want a job in Singapore. I know my school is recognized but I'd like to rub it in that I'm an honor student so maybe that will land me a high paying job even though I have no experience. How do I apply for EP and can I apply for PR when I get there? By the way, can I get a condo under a thousand dollars nearby drinking holes and transport. Since I want a high paying job, how high is high such that my expenses would be enough? I know there is a search function but despite me being an honor student, I can't be bothered to read between the lines or even just plain read for that matter. I hope you'll be gentle on me as this is my first post; I hope you don't diss me because I'm an honor student. By the way, please include me for any meetups. My email is spam_me@webmail.com. I will only check my posts to lash out at people who will not give the information that I want to hear.

PS

SE, SMS, you're both idiots. And I think Singlish is stooopid.

:roll:


-----------
Multi-line signature which
blatantly advertises my website
Followed by an inane one-liner.

/sarcasm



you should add in "i like to be spoonfed"

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Postby prkravi » Mon, 18 Apr 2011 9:47 pm

And Nak, you forgot ALL CAPS!

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Postby ev-disinfection » Mon, 18 Apr 2011 11:13 pm

Will SGD 325,000 / month be enough for my wife, 4 kids, OT every other night + accompanying hotel stay. We would need a big house for our dogs and horses to run freely with a pool. we would be fine dining every other night, and will have 2 helpers, to be kept in the bomb shelter.
I have been searching but realised that my post is a first here in this forum... :o

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Postby nakatago » Mon, 18 Apr 2011 11:31 pm

prkravi wrote:And Nak, you forgot ALL CAPS!


I realized I can't fit all the stereotypes in one post so I'll probably do a series... :wink:

There's still the one-who-thinks-he's-god's-gift-to-women, the doting Western mother who thinks her brood is one of a kind and is looking for a school/car/nanny/Mary Poppins, the belligerent regular, the local who has no sense of humor, the job hunter who can't do research to save his life, the one who can't type correctly even when equipped with a full keyboard, the stealth advertiser, the drunk rambling poster, the tourist-job hunter who's visa's about to run out, the dominant party shill, and so on and so forth, ad nauseam...

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Postby JR8 » Tue, 19 Apr 2011 2:18 am

nakatago wrote:
prkravi wrote:And Nak, you forgot ALL CAPS!


I realized I can't fit all the stereotypes in one post so I'll probably do a series... :wink:

There's still the one-who-thinks-he's-god's-gift-to-women, the doting Western mother who thinks her brood is one of a kind and is looking for a school/car/nanny/Mary Poppins, the belligerent regular, the local who has no sense of humor, the job hunter who can't do research to save his life, the one who can't type correctly even when equipped with a full keyboard, the stealth advertiser, the drunk rambling poster, the tourist-job hunter who's visa's about to run out, the dominant party shill, and so on and so forth, ad nauseam...



Haha... look forward to it! :lol:

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Postby JayCee » Tue, 19 Apr 2011 11:48 am

I am a human being with a family. We breath air, we drink liquids and we eat food, we like to live underneath some shelter.

How much salary should I ask for?

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Postby carlsum1986 » Tue, 19 Apr 2011 1:53 pm

I want to ask if I got an offer for company A then another three company offer me more money and all apply for my ep and then I sign all offer letter how ah??

I not very greedy just I got many family need eat and need 5 bedroom condo in cbd.........

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Postby JayCee » Tue, 19 Apr 2011 3:44 pm

carlsum1986 wrote:I want to ask if I got an offer for company A then another three company offer me more money and all apply for my ep and then I sign all offer letter how ah??


Replace "ah" with "isn't it" and you're spot on :wink:

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Postby nakatago » Tue, 19 Apr 2011 3:45 pm

JayCee wrote:
carlsum1986 wrote:I want to ask if I got an offer for company A then another three company offer me more money and all apply for my ep and then I sign all offer letter how ah??


Replace "ah" with "isn't it" and you're spot on :wink:


izZzZiiiit?

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Postby carlsum1986 » Wed, 20 Apr 2011 9:32 am

nakatago wrote:
JayCee wrote:
carlsum1986 wrote:I want to ask if I got an offer for company A then another three company offer me more money and all apply for my ep and then I sign all offer letter how ah??


Replace "ah" with "isn't it" and you're spot on :wink:


izZzZiiiit?



:lol: :lol: :lol:

to add on further:

ppl in this forum very rude lah......dont want help newbies and only know how to scold ppl.....you want to be rude I also can be rude to you......if you ppl dont want to help pls leave the forum..........

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Postby nakatago » Wed, 20 Apr 2011 9:55 am

I take offence upon such baseless and malicious pressupositions on which your most misguided attempts at juvenile humour that you so which, unsurprisingly, take delight in partaking. Have I not made clear during my time in Balkans (of which I can vaguely recall to be sometime between two days and two decades on which the clear passage of time upon my person has clearly obfuscated any recollections that any of you hooligans will pounce upon every opportunity you see) that I will most gladly share my vicarious life experience of a totally unrelated country such as Trinidad and Tobago on which I also have no clear authority to take the pulpit and proceed on my self-annointed mission of pontification.

But I digress, I will now gladly share certain unrelated events in Russia. And I quote from an old text by a great author, of which, I assume you have no knowledge of because I see you as ignorant, uncouth and uneducated buffoons of which I will now assert my misguided moral authority.

Prince Vasili kept the promise he had given to Princess Drubetskaya who had spoken to him on behalf of her only son Boris on the evening of Anna Pavlovna's soiree. The matter was mentioned to the Emperor, an exception made, and Boris transferred into the regiment of Semenov Guards with the rank of cornet. He received, however, no appointment to Kutuzov's staff despite all Anna Mikhaylovna's endeavors and entreaties. Soon after Anna Pavlovna's reception Anna Mikhaylovna returned to Moscow and went straight to her rich relations, the Rostovs, with whom she stayed when in the town and where and where her darling Bory, who had only just entered a regiment of the line and was being at once transferred to the Guards as a cornet, had been educated from childhood and lived for years at a time. The Guards had already left Petersburg on the tenth of August, and her son, who had remained in Moscow for his equipment, was to join them on the march to Radzivilov.

It was St. Natalia's day and the name day of two of the Rostovs- the mother and the youngest daughter- both named Nataly. Ever since the morning, carriages with six horses had been coming and going continually, bringing visitors to the Countess Rostova's big house on the Povarskaya, so well known to all Moscow. The countess herself and her handsome eldest daughter were in the drawing-room with the visitors who came to congratulate, and who constantly succeeded one another in relays.

The countess was a woman of about forty-five, with a thin Oriental type of face, evidently worn out with childbearing- she had had twelve. A languor of motion and speech, resulting from weakness, gave her a distinguished air which inspired respect. Princess Anna Mikhaylovna Drubetskaya, who as a member of the household was also seated in the drawing room, helped to receive and entertain the visitors. The young people were in one of the inner rooms, not considering it necessary to take part in receiving the visitors. The count met the guests and saw them off, inviting them all to dinner.

"I am very, very grateful to you, mon cher," or "ma chere"- he called everyone without exception and without the slightest variation in his tone, "my dear," whether they were above or below him in rank- "I thank you for myself and for our two dear ones whose name day we are keeping. But mind you come to dinner or I shall be offended, ma chere! On behalf of the whole family I beg you to come, mon cher!" These words he repeated to everyone without exception or variation, and with the same expression on his full, cheerful, clean-shaven face, the same firm pressure of the hand and the same quick, repeated bows. As soon as he had seen a visitor off he returned to one of those who were still in the drawing room, drew a chair toward him or her, and jauntily spreading out his legs and putting his hands on his knees with the air of a man who enjoys life and knows how to live, he swayed to and fro with dignity, offered surmises about the weather, or touched on questions of health, sometimes in Russian and sometimes in very bad but self-confident French; then again, like a man weary but unflinching in the fulfillment of duty, he rose to see some visitors off and, stroking his scanty gray hairs over his bald patch, also asked them to dinner. Sometimes on his way back from the anteroom he would pass through the conservatory and pantry into the large marble dining hall, where tables were being set out for eighty people; and looking at the footmen, who were bringing in silver and china, moving tables, and unfolding damask table linen, he would call Dmitri Vasilevich, a man of good family and the manager of all his affairs, and while looking with pleasure at the enormous table would say: "Well, Dmitri, you'll see that things are all as they should be? That's right! The great thing is the serving, that's it." And with a complacent sigh he would return to the drawing room.

"Marya Lvovna Karagina and her daughter!" announced the countess' gigantic footman in his bass voice, entering the drawing room. The countess reflected a moment and took a pinch from a gold snuffbox with her husband's portrait on it.

"I'm quite worn out by these callers. However, I'll see her and no more. She is so affected. Ask her in," she said to the footman in a sad voice, as if saying: "Very well, finish me off."

A tall, stout, and proud-looking woman, with a round-faced smiling daughter, entered the drawing room, their dresses rustling.

"Dear Countess, what an age... She has been laid up, poor child... at the Razumovski's ball... and Countess Apraksina... I was so delighted..." came the sounds of animated feminine voices, interrupting one another and mingling with the rustling of dresses and the scraping of chairs. Then one of those conversations began which last out until, at the first pause, the guests rise with a rustle of dresses and say, "I am so delighted... Mamma's health... and Countess Apraksina... and then, again rustling, pass into the anteroom, put on cloaks or mantles, and drive away. The conversation was on the chief topic of the day: the illness of the wealthy and celebrated beau of Catherine's day, Count Bezukhov, and about his illegitimate son Pierre, the one who had behaved so improperly at Anna Pavlovna's reception.

"I am so sorry for the poor count," said the visitor. "He is in such bad health, and now this vexation about his son is enough to kill him!"

"What is that?" asked the countess as if she did not know what the visitor alluded to, though she had already heard about the cause of Count Bezukhov's distress some fifteen times.

"That's what comes of a modern education," exclaimed the visitor. "It seems that while he was abroad this young man was allowed to do as he liked, now in Petersburg I hear he has been doing such terrible things that he has been expelled by the police."

"You don't say so!" replied the countess.

"He chose his friends badly," interposed Anna Mikhaylovna. "Prince Vasili's son, he, and a certain Dolokhov have, it is said, been up to heaven only knows what! And they have had to suffer for it. Dolokhov has been degraded to the ranks and Bezukhov's son sent back to Moscow. Anatole Kuragin's father managed somehow to get his son's affair hushed up, but even he was ordered out of Petersburg."

"But what have they been up to?" asked the countess.

"They are regular brigands, especially Dolokhov," replied the visitor. "He is a son of Marya Ivanovna Dolokhova, such a worthy woman, but there, just fancy! Those three got hold of a bear somewhere, put it in a carriage, and set off with it to visit some actresses! The police tried to interfere, and what did the young men do? They tied a policeman and the bear back to back and put the bear into the Moyka Canal. And there was the bear swimming about with the policeman on his back!"

"What a nice figure the policeman must have cut, my dear!" shouted the count, dying with laughter.

"Oh, how dreadful! How can you laugh at it, Count?"

Yet the ladies themselves could not help laughing.

"It was all they could do to rescue the poor man," continued the visitor. "And to think it is Cyril Vladimirovich Bezukhov's son who amuses himself in this sensible manner! And he was said to be so well educated and clever. This is all that his foreign education has done for him! I hope that here in Moscow no one will receive him, in spite of his money. They wanted to introduce him to me, but I quite declined: I have my daughters to consider."

"Why do you say this young man is so rich?" asked the countess, turning away from the girls, who at once assumed an air of inattention. "His children are all illegitimate. I think Pierre also is illegitimate."

The visitor made a gesture with her hand.

"I should think he has a score of them."

Princess Anna Mikhaylovna intervened in the conversation, evidently wishing to show her connections and knowledge of what went on in society.

"The fact of the matter is," said she significantly, and also in a half whisper, "everyone knows Count Cyril's reputation.... He has lost count of his children, but this Pierre was his favorite."

"How handsome the old man still was only a year ago!" remarked the countess. "I have never seen a handsomer man."

"He is very much altered now," said Anna Mikhaylovna. "Well, as I was saying, Prince Vasili is the next heir through his wife, but the count is very fond of Pierre, looked after his education, and wrote to the Emperor about him; so that in the case of his death- and he is so ill that he may die at any moment, and Dr. Lorrain has come from Petersburg- no one knows who will inherit his immense fortune, Pierre or Prince Vasili. Forty thousand serfs and millions of rubles! I know it all very well for Prince Vasili told me himself. Besides, Cyril Vladimirovich is my mother's second cousin. He's also my Bory's godfather," she added, as if she attached no importance at all to the fact.

"Prince Vasili arrived in Moscow yesterday. I hear he has come on some inspection business," remarked the visitor.

"Yes, but between ourselves," said the princess, that is a pretext. The fact is he has come to see Count Cyril Vladimirovich, hearing how ill he is."

"But do you know, my dear, that was a capital joke," said the count; and seeing that the elder visitor was not listening, he turned to the young ladies. "I can just imagine what a funny figure that policeman cut!"

And as he waved his arms to impersonate the policeman, his portly form again shook with a deep ringing laugh, the laugh of one who always eats well and, in particular, drinks well. "So do come and dine with us!" he said.

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Postby BillyB » Wed, 20 Apr 2011 10:56 am

nakatago wrote:
prkravi wrote:And Nak, you forgot ALL CAPS!


I realized I can't fit all the stereotypes in one post so I'll probably do a series... :wink:

There's still the one-who-thinks-he's-god's-gift-to-women, the doting Western mother who thinks her brood is one of a kind and is looking for a school/car/nanny/Mary Poppins, the belligerent regular, the local who has no sense of humor, the job hunter who can't do research to save his life, the one who can't type correctly even when equipped with a full keyboard, the stealth advertiser, the drunk rambling poster, the tourist-job hunter who's visa's about to run out, the dominant party shill, and so on and so forth, ad nauseam...


Good post!! I'll start you off with one:

1. The 'innocent' newbie who wants to start a new networking group to get to know and meet new people. 'Hey, I'm new in town and am looking to start a really unique networking group. Anyone interested give me a shout'.
Translated means - I'm new in town and am working in a job where I want to sell you something - such as insurance or an IFA. Let's meet at Starbucks for a breakfast networking meeting. I don't give two sh*ts what you do and won't listen to a word you say and will try to direct the conversation my way. As long as you have money and a business card that I can take so I can try and sell you something that you don't really want or don't really need I'm happy. I'll pretend to be your mate and laugh at your sh*t jokes and might even buy you coffee from time to time. I'll have an opinion on everything but drill down deeper and you'll soon find out I know f*ck all. If you don't buy from me after 3 grande latte's you'll never hear from me again but you may get a call from my colleague after I pass him your business card because I have returned to my home country to go back to my old job as a mobile phone salesman.

Can also be applied to the majority of recruiters too.


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