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Neighbours maid

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patsy_sg
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Postby patsy_sg » Fri, 18 Mar 2011 3:28 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Obviously ex-pat has never heard of sarcasm. :roll:

Especially as it came from someone who has championed FDW's since she joined this forum. In fact, that was the reason patsy_sg joined the forum in the first place.


well spotted SMS!

I've lived away from my family (admittedly more by choice than force of circumstance) to work so do understand the loneliness, hearbreak and pain a FDW feels. That despondency isn't helped by being screamed at, starved, worked to the bone by her "master."

Being here for almost 16 years, I have loads of local friends and have seen with my own eyes up close the abuse that is discussed here... many a friendship has been lost becuase of my different point of view when it comes to helpers! Not that those lost friendships really matter once I realized what kind of people they really are!

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mummy mantras
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Postby mummy mantras » Mon, 21 Mar 2011 10:47 am

Patsy_sg: At least, your mother-in-law has never told your husband to leave you because you were too 'soft' on your maid. That happened to me shortly after we decided to hire a maid for the first time a few years back (I'd given birth to twins and we decided that we sorely needed an extra helping hand around the house).

Almost immediately, my 'decadent ang mo ways' were derided by my Singaporean mum-in-law who was adamant that such 'luxuries' as adequate rest, a proper bed and sufficient food were unnecessary for a domestic helper. When we almost came to blows about it, she not only cursed me and my children (if I understood her Cantonese correctly, she was hoping that I would die a long and painful death, and she called my daughters parasites) but told my husband (i.e. her son) to leave me, as I was not worthy to be his wife.

Fortunately, my husband (who until then had done his best to pretend that none of this was happening) decided at that moment to tell her to back off, as how we chose to treat our domestic helper was none of her business and that she should go back to her own home (she had been temporarily staying with us as she had had yet another fight with her husband just a few months before) and leave us alone. And that there was no way in hell he would simply abandon his wife and newborn daughters. At that point, she bascially disowned the lot of us and said that she would curse us till she dies.

In the end, my poor maid left us anyway. She was pretty traumatised by the whole experience (my mum-in-law cursed her too, and being Indonesian, she takes these kinds of things seriously) and decided to head for Saudi Arabia instead. Hopefully, she's happier there...

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Postby nakatago » Mon, 21 Mar 2011 11:00 am

Your mother in law sounds like a very unpleasant person.

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mummy mantras
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Postby mummy mantras » Mon, 21 Mar 2011 11:29 am

There's a good reason why she and my father-in-law no longer live together. After more than 30 years of putting up with her, he decided that enough was enough! Poor chap...

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Postby ex-pat » Tue, 22 Mar 2011 3:56 pm

mummy mantras wrote:Patsy_sg: At least, your mother-in-law has never told your husband to leave you because you were too 'soft' on your maid. That happened to me shortly after we decided to hire a maid for the first time a few years back (I'd given birth to twins and we decided that we sorely needed an extra helping hand around the house).

Almost immediately, my 'decadent ang mo ways' were derided by my Singaporean mum-in-law who was adamant that such 'luxuries' as adequate rest, a proper bed and sufficient food were unnecessary for a domestic helper. When we almost came to blows about it, she not only cursed me and my children (if I understood her Cantonese correctly, she was hoping that I would die a long and painful death, and she called my daughters parasites) but told my husband (i.e. her son) to leave me, as I was not worthy to be his wife.

Fortunately, my husband (who until then had done his best to pretend that none of this was happening) decided at that moment to tell her to back off, as how we chose to treat our domestic helper was none of her business and that she should go back to her own home (she had been temporarily staying with us as she had had yet another fight with her husband just a few months before) and leave us alone. And that there was no way in hell he would simply abandon his wife and newborn daughters. At that point, she bascially disowned the lot of us and said that she would curse us till she dies.

In the end, my poor maid left us anyway. She was pretty traumatised by the whole experience (my mum-in-law cursed her too, and being Indonesian, she takes these kinds of things seriously) and decided to head for Saudi Arabia instead. Hopefully, she's happier there...


This is the reason why most helpers looking for employer prefers family without in laws in the house.
They are known to be a lot bossy than the employer. This is esp for local families. Visiting parents of Westerners are usually more pleasant because they themselves does not have helpers on their own homes . So for them to be served by helpers here while visiting is considered a treat for them. Usually when they leave after their holiday they gave thank you cards for the helper as a form of gratitude. I know somebody who ask her parents to leave some cash for her helper so next time they come, the helper will cook nice food for them.
These kind of employer are the most ideal people to work with.

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Postby x9200 » Tue, 22 Mar 2011 7:07 pm

ex-pat wrote:Visiting parents of Westerners are usually more pleasant because they themselves does not have helpers on their own homes . So for them to be served by helpers here while visiting is considered a treat for them.

Treat? Rather embarrassment.

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Postby JR8 » Tue, 22 Mar 2011 7:17 pm

x9200 wrote:
ex-pat wrote:Visiting parents of Westerners are usually more pleasant because they themselves does not have helpers on their own homes . So for them to be served by helpers here while visiting is considered a treat for them.

Treat? Rather embarrassment.


No I don't think so. There is nothing to be embarrassed about having a maid. If you have a well looked after maid who is happy with her work all well and good.

My dad grew up with a household staff (before they all got sent off in WW2 as cannon fodder). I'm sure he would regard being tended to by a maid as a treat (esp. if she was a looker, the old dog that he is lol)

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Postby x9200 » Tue, 22 Mar 2011 8:31 pm

But we are talking about the case where you have never had a maid. It is embarrassing that somebody does some basic things you thought are like normal and obvious to be done by you. I still feel not fully comfortable with our part time maid even after these few years we have this kind of helpers in our place. If you are used to them it's a completely different story.

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Postby JR8 » Tue, 22 Mar 2011 8:37 pm

Ok I see your point, sorry to misunderstand.

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Postby patsy_sg » Tue, 22 Mar 2011 11:46 pm

mummy mantras wrote:Patsy_sg: At least, your mother-in-law has never told your husband to leave you because you were too 'soft' on your maid. That happened to me shortly after we decided to hire a maid for the first time a few years back (I'd given birth to twins and we decided that we sorely needed an extra helping hand around the house).

Almost immediately, my 'decadent ang mo ways' were derided by my Singaporean mum-in-law who was adamant that such 'luxuries' as adequate rest, a proper bed and sufficient food were unnecessary for a domestic helper. When we almost came to blows about it, she not only cursed me and my children (if I understood her Cantonese correctly, she was hoping that I would die a long and painful death, and she called my daughters parasites) but told my husband (i.e. her son) to leave me, as I was not worthy to be his wife.

Fortunately, my husband (who until then had done his best to pretend that none of this was happening) decided at that moment to tell her to back off, as how we chose to treat our domestic helper was none of her business and that she should go back to her own home (she had been temporarily staying with us as she had had yet another fight with her husband just a few months before) and leave us alone. And that there was no way in hell he would simply abandon his wife and newborn daughters. At that point, she bascially disowned the lot of us and said that she would curse us till she dies.

In the end, my poor maid left us anyway. She was pretty traumatised by the whole experience (my mum-in-law cursed her too, and being Indonesian, she takes these kinds of things seriously) and decided to head for Saudi Arabia instead. Hopefully, she's happier there...


your mother in law sounds like majority of Singaporeans I know! I've been to a 'friends' condo in District 10, swank and posh.... only for the helper to ask me if I knew somewhere she could transfer cause her madam only let's her eat 2 packs of instant noodle a day and she was getting gastric ulcers! oh plus she had to wipe the 8 yr olds bum after she's done her business cause it's soooooooo unsanitary for her precious to be wiping after herself!!

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Postby mummy mantras » Wed, 23 Mar 2011 11:18 am

Living in a HDB estate, I often encounter maids on my way to and from the neighbourhood market. And, if I'm with my daughters, I make sure they greet them too. One day, a young maid whom we see frequently told me with a smile that I'm the only person in the neighbourhood whose children greet her so warmly with a "Good morning, Kakak!" ('kakak' means 'big sister' in Bahasa Indonesia) every time they see her. Everyone else pretends that she's invisible.

But it's not just the maids who tell me this. It's our estate cleaner too. Whenever we see her (she's a middle-aged lady, who lives in one of the low-income rental flats nearby, reserved for the very poor), my girls and I greet her and ask her how she is. And she also told me one day that most people walk right past her without a word and even drop litter on the ground right in front of her, expecting her to pick it up for them. And she's grateful that my girls and I don't do this.

It's just shameful how most people behave to those who they expect to 'serve' them. And, honestly, I live in a HDB estate of mixed flat types (from poor rental units to executive maisonettes) where most people are far from rich. So, clearly, snotty behaviour and bad manners are not the exclusive purview of the well-to-do!

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Postby ex-pat » Thu, 24 Mar 2011 3:48 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Obviously ex-pat has never heard of sarcasm. :roll:

Especially as it came from someone who has championed FDW's since she joined this forum. In fact, that was the reason patsy_sg joined the forum in the first place.



I misunderstood patsy_sg s comments.
Sorry for barking wrongly :oops:

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 24 Mar 2011 3:55 pm

No biggie, we all stick our foot in it regularly here! :lol:

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Postby kwassieannie » Tue, 29 Mar 2011 4:50 pm

I was walking my little furry girl when I came across young girl child, maid and snooty well dressed grandmother. Poor unfortunate maid made the silly mistake of walking in from of said child....Nasty girl slammed the poor maid in the stomach several times and made motions to the maid to walk behind. Gawd I could not help myself and I was shocked into loudy telling the girl child she was a horrible disgusting child and she should be ashamed of her actions. Snooty grandmother just stood there like stone.
My husband then told me I had probably made things worse for the poor maid. Seems they were visiting people here at the condo as I found out after trying to get info so I could report them to MOM. Bugga.....I still wonder about the poor maid

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Postby ex-pat » Tue, 29 Mar 2011 5:19 pm

The other day I heard the boy next door shouting at their maid. The maid must have done unsatisfactory thing for the boy to be upset.
He was telling the maid how stupid she is and no brain.
For a 10 year old boy to say something like that to a older person is disgusting.
I know his parents are around when he does the shouting but i think they turn into a deaf ear. A day after that I heard the lady scolding the poor maid
for 'spoiling her things'.
Anybody could accidentally broke things but wont it be better to say 'be careful ' nicely rather than shouting to a person.


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