Filial Piety Revisited

[Mary Hatch Bailey]

I guess I just see no value in perpetualizing antiquated stereotypes and pitting East vs. West on an expat forum.

[tyianchang]

I think anneteoh is getting Filial piety confused with the Maintenance of Parents act in Singapore. Giving the parents pocket money is required by law in Singapore, under threat of order from a Tribunal.


And to say filial piety is unheard of in the west...my god, I guess the OP bases all opinion on hollywood movies!?

I am fuming at that attitude, given the house I bought for my mother, the mortgage payments I make for my sister, the carer I pay for my Great Uncle...and that is without any Maintenance of Parents Act!

CGeorge, I'll pass you a mineral water sprinkler if I were nearby. Please chill - you have no idea how much time I spent to make decent replies after being spammed with some intriguing headlines, making complaints and having my user name deleted.
I meant 'giving money' to parents is unheard of the the West. But of course, some children do, I guess though I have never come across any working adults gving their parents monthly money! Because that amounts to a monthly maintenance - which curently is relegated to the state/private pension schemes etc. But what I 'd seen in SG is chidlren gving their parents moeny each month even though they are pensioned and rich.
Thanks for bringing up the enactment of the Maintenance Act in SG. What happens to children who break this law? As SMS said, there're many old folks abandoned.
Boy, you deserve more than an oscar. I'm sure your good deeds are not unnoticed by all near and far so you are a fantastic guy.
BTW. I'm anneteoh but had to change name to access - someone's messed up my security at this forum.

[tyianchang]

I mean, imagine getting such returns from your children - all of which goes without saying. A good culture to continue?

This is a very dangerous mindset from parents. I know some people who have children just because they want good returns from them in the future and not because they want children to reach their full potential. They start really early to depend on the children. These children, in turn, fail to establish lives for themselves which further prevents them from properly taking care of their parents and doom their children's futures as well.

It was, and led to tyranny in feudal times esp when chidlren were forced into obedience at all cost. Chinese classics abound in such stories where men, as well aswomen took their lives, though it was usually women who were the victims.

I often wonder why very disadvantaged people e.g. in ghettoes, farms etc have so many children when they cannot afford the basic comforts, schooling etc. Who can blame them - their children become their future assets. Should they practise the one child policy or is it illegal to prevent natural birth?

[JR8]

I am not short of a few £, but my parents are certainly worth multiples of what I am. How they would laugh if I suggested subsidising them!

They brought me into the world for their aims. Not that I'm ungrateful that I'm here, but I'm buggered if I'm going to have to pay them for the fact.

[Mary Hatch Bailey]

I meant 'giving money' to parents is unheard of the the West. But of course, some children do, I guess though I have never come across any working adults gving their parents monthly money!

Maybe they choose not to talk about personal finances with people they barely know? This is why the premise of your original post can only lead to hard feelings.

[JR8]

I meant 'giving money' to parents is unheard of the the West. But of course, some children do, I guess though I have never come across any working adults gving their parents monthly money!

Maybe they choose not to talk about personal finances with people they barely know? This is why the premise of your original post can only lead to hard feelings.

Good call. It would bring 'shame on my family' if it were known the children had to support my parents.

[tyianchang]

I guess I just see no value in perpetualizing antiquated stereotypes and pitting East vs. West on an expat forum.

FP is hardly'antiquated' or 'stereotyped ' in this context. You can find them though in some of the threads and it's more of a laddish thing.

[tyianchang]

I meant 'giving money' to parents is unheard of the the West. But of course, some children do, I guess though I have never come across any working adults gving their parents monthly money!

Maybe they choose not to talk about personal finances with people they barely know? This is why the premise of your original post can only lead to hard feelings.

Good call. It would bring 'shame on my family' if it were known the children had to support my parents.

It's the other way rund in Chinese culture. Yes, the divide's too big to bridge but at least you're honest. However, grow up lad!

[Mary Hatch Bailey]

I guess I just see no value in perpetualizing antiquated stereotypes and pitting East vs. West on an expat forum.

FP is hardly'antiquated' or 'stereotyped ' in this context. You can find them though in some of the threads and it's more of a laddish thing.

No, your insistance that it is a Chinese or Western issue is though. As far as 'laddish' goes, well, you're on your own there.

Have yourself a good night tyianchang/anneteoh.

[poodlek]

Maybe they choose not to talk about personal finances with people they barely know? This is why the premise of your original post can only lead to hard feelings.

Good call. It would bring 'shame on my family' if it were known the children had to support my parents.

It's the other way rund in Chinese culture. Yes, the divide's too big to bridge but at least you're honest. However, grow up lad!

At least you're honest? Is it me or is this dripping with condescension? Just because Chinese culture is different doesn't make it better. Grow up yourself.

[JR8]

It's business as usual Poodlek.

Next thing she's going to get enraged that people presume she is Chinese, after her having wallpapered the forum all day about being Chinese.

What to do lah?

[poodlek]

It's business as usual Poodlek.

Next thing she's going to get enraged that people presume she is Chinese, after her having wallpapered the forum all day about being Chinese.

What to do lah?

LOL I'm not usually easily offended, and thus far I've avoided posting on topics she embroils herself in because there's just way too much nonsense to wade through just to make a point, but for some reason this got to me today and I had to chime in

[k1w1]

Damn, my post disappeared too!

I find these discussions of filial peity amusing. It is almost always a "See what we do in Asia because we love our families?" and "See how selfish Westerners are that they leave their old people to rot in retirement homes?" comparison.

As MHB said, it is not usually acceptable in many Western cultures to discuss money. I don't even know what my brothers earn, and would be told where to go if I asked someone in my parents' generation something like that!

In all seriousness, there is a heavy burden on the shoulders of many in Singapore. It is just not realistic to expect someone to pay for their parents, pay for their children, and somehow support themselves - all in a time when the cost of living goes far beyond the average person's salary.

I can only hope the OP does not have children. The part about expecting a return from your children is abhorrent to me. Talk about a burden - and just for being born.

[JR8]

Reminds one of planning a wedding, and hoping/planning to make a profit from it.

Crass and distasteful.

[x9200]

As mentioned before: you do not advertise financial problems of your family in front of the strangers that's pretty obvious. Equally obvious you help your parents if they are in need. The whole idea of institutionalized pocket money to the parents sounds really weird and kind of undignifying.. On top of this everybody wants to be independent and majority of the parents are. Their planned their life to achieve this with retirement plans and their children are never a part of these plans. Relying as a principle on your children as the main source of income is something in Western culture unthinkable. No parents want to be a burden for their children so even if in financial troubles such help is normally accepted with a lot of resistance.