ksl wrote:x9200 wrote:KSL, I know perfectly what you mean. I used to have these kind of problems with my wife and she is the same nationality/culture as myself
but reading some Anne's responses do you really think this is the case and she just tries to be witty/funny?
No Anne is quite serious and feels insulted, though JR8 and the rest are just being funny, and she's biting back, I mean there is a bigger picture with China and you must see the bigger picture and accept the errors, not live in denial.
I could not say it better myself.
Though subconsciously or consciously there could be a political motive too, more of a socialistic one, as I too quite often dream, of a societies and take on their burdens only to find out that most are two faced, though only field experience will prove this.
In mainland China, even children were reporting their parents, if they mentioned anything negative about the communist party. So over time these people learn to deceive everyone including the tourist.
It is a survival instinct in such an oppressive society, not to talk badly about the regime, unless you are out in the open and away from others.
My dad always said to me: we can discuss at home about negative things, but please do us a favour not to tell it publicly. Our family does not want to get troubles anymore.
Naturally Chinese are Chinese and will defend their heritage, the same as another person, but before you defend your heritage, you must have an idea where you come from to get the bigger picture.
So I see a discussion of one in denial and defensive and the others just getting frustrated.
How I would with my wife, if I couldn't get her to see sense. Some people are just too stubborn for their own good, my wife told me that sometimes she doesn't like herself because she cannot take positive criticism, I know when to leave her alone
I like your wife, at least she knows it. I was like that before. I didn't want people criticise my country, and I didn't take criticism wether negative or positive. But I changed after I met my husband, I learnt to see it objectively, I might be still idealistic, but at least, I know if I'm proved to be wrong, I will admit it, if I did something wrong, I will say sorry sincerely.
Anne like my wife, needs to look more closely inside herself, to discover why she cannot listen to what is being said though the wise cracks did come from the others with Anne retaliating.
ksl, I shall tell you my story.
11 years ago I felt so bad as I listened to my MIL critising CCP about Tiananmen incident. I thought that they were also China-hater. I did not like foreigners to criticise China. But, I had to see the reality, yes it happenend, and I don't need to protect it (China as a country did not do it, it's the party which did it), I should not be ashamed of it, it's not my fault.
After that, I started to think about how I become objective when facing people talking about human rights, dictatorship, violating of IP etc... I was often asked by my colleagues if Chinese eat dogs so on. I had to tell them it's true though I myself never had eaten any.
Yes all these exist, I have to accept how they are. One cannot brand anybody as China-hater because he/she critised something about China. I also critised USA or Iran sometimes, it doesn't mean I'm US-hater or Iran-hater, right?
The only thing we can do is to admit it and try to change it/make it change and make it better.
But sadly I still have friends who live in denial and cannot accept Westeners' critism about China.