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ksl
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Postby ksl » Sun, 19 Dec 2010 3:27 pm

sex in Japan doesnt equate to love there (from what i can tell)
Sex anywhere in the world doesn't equate to love, it's a natural instinct :wink: Anyone that isn't satisfied at home will shag around, and those that shag around like dogs on heat, will do it anyway, married or not.....The OMG was a sarcastic outburst, for the benefit of the shallow and naive.

It is very typical of Asia not only Japan, go to China, Taiwan, even Korea is no different, culture is culture and the more you learn the more you will understand, that family bonding is more important than sex. Sex is a basic function of survival and instinct, so if your partner is more active than the other, they will eventually stray.

Vows are not stronger than instincts ask any wise man or priest :lol: but never an old fashioned person as they have difficulty coping with the worst :roll:

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Strong Eagle
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Postby Strong Eagle » Sun, 19 Dec 2010 5:33 pm

aargon wrote:all men are dirty inside - even the gays ones.


I think you need to seek counseling. I am not 'dirty inside'. My sexual drives are as 100 percent human as my need to be connected, and my desire to love, my instinct to protect.

How I use (or don't use) women in my quest for sex is about integrity, nothing about being 'dirty'.

Seriously, if you think sex, the sex drive, thinking about sex, or pursuing sex is 'dirty', someone has done you a serious disservice at some point in your life.

Sex is grand and glorious, to be celebrated. How great is it that some human beings (about 50 percent) have the complementary plumbing that permits us to share some of the most sensuous, feel good times that there are?

Really... check into some counseling... sex is not dirty... the desire to have sex is not dirty... having sex is not dirty... sex for one is not dirty. Thinking that sex is dirty is dirty.

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Mary Hatch Bailey
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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Sun, 19 Dec 2010 6:42 pm

I think he was referencing the 'dirty old man' comment in KSL's post but your point is well taken.

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EADG
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Postby EADG » Sun, 19 Dec 2010 8:48 pm

Wildly warped views as from aargon could only come from a coddled and constrictive environment.

Plus it seems he learned nothing from his experiences Japan, I can't agree with that naively puritanical assessment.

On a lighter note, MHB returns!

++1 SE, what he said
Ape Shall Not Kill Ape

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Mary Hatch Bailey
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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Sun, 19 Dec 2010 8:53 pm

EADG wrote:On a lighter note, MHB returns!



It is Christmas after all...

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aargon
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Postby aargon » Mon, 20 Dec 2010 12:52 pm

I feel like the Scrooge which means I should be getting a visit by the three ghosts of christmas soon...

"Bah, humbug!"
Everybody was KungFu Fighting.....

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the lynx
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Postby the lynx » Mon, 20 Dec 2010 4:51 pm

Sorry to hear what you're going through dear, but to consider divorce for that is just too fatalistic...

Plus he already apologised, knowing that it'd hurt your feelings. Just let him go and give him a chance.

Perhaps you should try to be supportive and find out why he's drawn to go there instead. (I know the definite answer is sex and/or just for eye candy - most of the guys already helped out on that) Perhaps stress from work - or home and he needs to unwind elsewhere?

Knowing how those girls work around here (especially around ang moh expats), you actually shouldn't worry so much.

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Mary Hatch Bailey
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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Mon, 20 Dec 2010 8:04 pm

the lynx wrote:Sorry to hear what you're going through dear, but to consider divorce for that is just too fatalistic...

Plus he already apologised, knowing that it'd hurt your feelings. Just let him go and give him a chance.

Perhaps you should try to be supportive and find out why he's drawn to go there instead. (I know the definite answer is sex and/or just for eye candy - most of the guys already helped out on that) Perhaps stress from work - or home and he needs to unwind elsewhere?

Knowing how those girls work around here (especially around ang moh expats), you actually shouldn't worry so much.


This is wholly unrealistic in my opinion. No one knows the covenants that other couples wed and live by. What some couples consider absolute deal-breakers, other couples send out engraved invitations for... If trust has been broken, our OP would be among the very first to know. Not worry? Not a chance. Betrayal deserves some acknowledgement and some healing. Clear communication is the first step, the next step and the last step to this and every other marital challenge.

LDY123
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B

Postby LDY123 » Tue, 21 Dec 2010 9:37 am

Brisa,

I do want to get in contact with you but upon registering and clicking on the PM function on your profile, I was asked to write more posts before I 'have access to this feature'.

I don't think I can bring myself to write gibberish (x50? x100?) before I get to PM you, so I'm trying my luck here. Could you get in touch with me? I am in quite a similar boat as you are - not exactly, not entirely - but I do empathise, as much as I possibly can, based on how much information you have given here.

email me <ludanying123> at gmail



Wind in My Hair: Thank you for your post. It is probably the only one here on this thread that understands that there is, in all likelihood, a lot more that is unsaid by the OP, that brought out her fears and lack of trust.

While I know 'men are just men', and that sometimes 'it is normal to have a drink at pubs with ladies around for the guys...' (I am quoting what some have written here), I doubt there would be the same reaction from men if their wives want to go to bars with rockin' hot, tall, toned, engaging, easy-smile type of men - just because 'women are just women', and that 'it is normal to have a drink at pubs with men around for the women'.

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intellectualsmuse
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Re: B

Postby intellectualsmuse » Tue, 21 Dec 2010 10:51 am

LDY123 wrote:I doubt there would be the same reaction from men if their wives want to go to bars with rockin' hot, tall, toned, engaging, easy-smile type of men - just because 'women are just women', and that 'it is normal to have a drink at pubs with men around for the women'.


Good idea. Maybe you should do it too, just to drive a point home?
For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know.

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gravida
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Postby gravida » Tue, 21 Dec 2010 11:42 am

Exactly, why don't you go to see Chippendale's show? If that's what you would like to really do (not just as the revenge), then go for it.

I mean - you got married, you promised yourself something, but you are not a monk and nun, you did not promised to forget about everything related to sex. Of course, the boundaries (what is allowed, what's not) should be set up individually for each couple, so for somebody going to the go-go bar will not be a problem, while the other will be heading for a divorce.

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Re: B

Postby cookie09 » Tue, 21 Dec 2010 12:14 pm

LDY123 wrote:I doubt there would be the same reaction from men if their wives want to go to bars with rockin' hot, tall, toned, engaging, easy-smile type of men - just because 'women are just women', and that 'it is normal to have a drink at pubs with men around for the women'.


most men probably would not have any issue with the above because they can differentiate between eye-candy and love!

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x9200
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Re: B

Postby x9200 » Tue, 21 Dec 2010 2:30 pm

intellectualsmuse wrote:
LDY123 wrote:I doubt there would be the same reaction from men if their wives want to go to bars with rockin' hot, tall, toned, engaging, easy-smile type of men - just because 'women are just women', and that 'it is normal to have a drink at pubs with men around for the women'.


Good idea. Maybe you should do it too, just to drive a point home?

E-e. Probably "I am not that kind of girl" case.

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intellectualsmuse
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Re: B

Postby intellectualsmuse » Tue, 21 Dec 2010 3:02 pm

x9200 wrote:
intellectualsmuse wrote:
LDY123 wrote:I doubt there would be the same reaction from men if their wives want to go to bars with rockin' hot, tall, toned, engaging, easy-smile type of men - just because 'women are just women', and that 'it is normal to have a drink at pubs with men around for the women'.


Good idea. Maybe you should do it too, just to drive a point home?

E-e. Probably "I am not that kind of girl" case.


Aah yes, but then why use "the men's reaction" for not doing something as an excuse?

In reality its just a control thing- I don't do this, my spouse shouldn't either because its a "bad" thing and definitely not "normal". But, end of the day the spouse is a person too who has their own life so its important to respect that.

Of course its an individual's decision as to what they find "acceptable" in their marriage, so if they choose not to be with someone who goes to a pub Friday evening with their buddies, then its their choice. They're going to live with the consequences, right? But usually there are deeper issues. Just my 2c.
For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know.

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x9200
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Postby x9200 » Tue, 21 Dec 2010 3:21 pm

Yes, fully agree but there was not a single sentence here about such agreement (oh, he promised not to go to this kind of places) and assuming the world has it just like this is a bit weird.


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