Girls Bars at Tanjong Pagar

[Calmday]

I hate to be frank but it sounds to me like you are looking for an excuse to get out.
You might want to look at yourself. You just might be the one missing something in your life.

[sundaymorningstaple]

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies. It is very interesting to hear your perspective and I am not here trying to say bad things about my "poor husband". I am just in shock and trying to find ways to cope...you are helping with your funny and sometimes totally 'off the mark' remarks.
I am not a jealous wife and the reason why I am upset is because my husband felt the need to lie when I simply asked 'where did you go last night?' He answered with a fairy tale story about pub with friends and I didn't think much of it. Now, days later, the truth surfaced ...and he kept denying until there was no other option...anyway, if is 'just the way guys have a good time' and 'they just want to talk rubbish with mates and watch pretty girls' why he felt the need to lie? Anyway, thanks again.

brisa,

Please go back and read this post. ^^^^^^^

Your husband didn't lie when you asked him initially. He told you he went to a pub with friends. Where was the lie? Did he tell you he worked late at the office or was in a long office meeting? Apparently not. He told you the truth at the outset. The fact that there are girls there and the fact that, maybe, should someone want a girl, is a possibility in every bar in Singapore. I know any married man could get into trouble in virtually ANY bar in Singapore if that was his desire. The fact is, he went out drinking with some of his mates. I think you really need to take a look inwardly, as your accusing him of lying is saying something about yourself. I think you need some professional help to overcome some deep-seated problem. Do yourself a favour.

[JayCee]

...why he felt the need to lie?

Because he knew what the reaction would be??

Exactamundo!

Brisa, you were talking about considering divorce before, so now that you've cleared up that you're not a jealous wife and you're not angry about him actually going to the bar but rather him lying about it (in your opinion, although SMS makes a good point that he didn't) then basically are we to conclude that you're considering divorce over a very small lie about a pub that had a few girls in it? This sounds pretty paranoid, are you prepared to mess up your kids lives over such a small thing?

It sounds to me like you're struggling with living in Asia and possibly have read one too many stories about how impressionable western guys are lured away from their families by these sultry Asian temptresses, and it's messing with your mind and causing you not to trust your husband. Seek help

[longstebe]

What do you expect him to do, come home and tell you that he was in a bar with his mates and there were a shed load of good looking birds in there?
Everyone needs space, that goes for women too.
If your husband was rolling in in the wee hours of the morning then you may have a case. He came home to you, right? All you need to ask is did you have a good time.
You do sound a little jealous by the way.

[x9200]

Recalling some older topic - brisa, do you have a maid?

[ex-pat]

dear strong eagle...I kinda like your sense of humor but the answer for that question is 'because he did something wrong’.

I know you all are trying to ‘normalize’ the fact that guys ‘just go to these places to have a laugh’ but to be honest…I think it is something deeper than that. There is something missing in the guy's life and that's why he is looking for the wrong fulfillment….

can't you just throw me a bone here?

Yes you are right, maybe there is something missing in your husbands life and that is called SPACE and TRUST.
Again going to bars is not a crime for a married man or woman. We are living in a very modern society and socializing is part of our life. What is wrong with having a little drink and a bit of eyeballing one hot lady or hunk.
Well my dear if you cant make your husband stop going to those places why dont you join him next time. I bet you will have a blast....

[JaanJ]

brisa,

Not sure if you have been to Hooters. That is another eye candy joint. If you go there, you will see dinner crowds - mixture of guys and gals.

I go there with my friends / colleagues - some married, others singles. At the end of the dinner, we head home . People just need a breather and laugh it off at the end of a long work week.

Girl, may be you need a breather - go on, take one. You will feel better definitely.

Cheers

[intellectualsmuse]

dear strong eagle...I kinda like your sense of humor but the answer for that question is 'because he did something wrong’.

I know you all are trying to ‘normalize’ the fact that guys ‘just go to these places to have a laugh’ but to be honest…I think it is something deeper than that. There is something missing in the guy's life and that's why he is looking for the wrong fulfillment….

can't you just throw me a bone here?

Well, he's not the one looking for a reason to divorce you, maybe something's missing in your life?

"Wrong fulfillment"??(Possibly cause you have a "headache" every night?) Keep digging!

[sundaymorningstaple]

"Wrong fulfillment"??(Possibly cause you have a "headache" every night?) Keep digging!

That'll do it! Damn near every time. Course is still doesn't mean he's out looking for it. Just damn glad to get away from the frustration.

[MauMau]

My grandma used to take two bottle caps. Turn them upside down and ask my grandpa to kneel on them.

Then she interogated him.

I guess time has changed.

[carlsum1986]

My grandma used to take two bottle caps. Turn them upside down and ask my grandpa to kneel on them.

Then she interogated him.

I guess time has changed.

I was just drinking some water from my water bottle when i read this....made me go

[snowqueen]

My grandma used to take two bottle caps. Turn them upside down and ask my grandpa to kneel on them.

Then she interogated him.

I guess time has changed.

This gave me the biggest laugh of the day, brilliant! I should try that sometime ha ha.

My husband is not a regular pub/bar after work drinker, or on weekends for that matter but on occasions when he has gone out with 'the lads' I know he would probably at some point end up in a bar like this somewhere. He normally tells me where he's been and even admitted to going to Orchard Towers but has often left the others after a couple of drinks as it really isn't his thing. However, this may be a different story when I'm out of town. He has often said that we should go there together as he's been quite impressed by the 'talents' of those girls coming down from very high poles - whatever floats your boat I suppose.

My husband is always hearing stories about how men have 'fallen down the rabbit hole' as he calls it and dropped their wives and family for the local totty they've met in a bar (probably not what the OP wants to hear) but from what we've seen this is usually white expat men, mostly old and fat as this looks like a bigger walking wallet for the girls to go after.

Jealousy is an ugly trait, I know I have displayed it a few times and probably with reason in the past but I have faith and trust in our marriage and maybe you should too if you don't want to drive your husband away.

[ScoobyDoes]

I like the view on the balcony at dirty harrys bar, you can see all the guys with their temporary girlfriends queuing up for taxis, some look really embarrassed and some look like the cat that got the cream

Ha, the balcony is one of my favourites too......just a pity it's so hard getting a darned drink out there most times.

It's the combination of the one girl arriving in the passenger seat of an Aston or BMW M5 whilst next up is five girls piling out of a Sonata Comfort Cab trying to quickly 'fix themselves' as they pick themselves up off the deck. It's a fun way to spend a couple of hours.

The best is to watch the taxi queue, get a fix on one of the more 'noticable' girls and figure out what time she'll be back. Normally I've noticed her back again before finishing the next drink


I'm not a 'Sex-in-the-City' kinda guy but isn't it a bunch of girls hanging out, talking about sex, men and relationships whilst out for a few drinks? Heck, doesn't need to be drinks, think it happens over coffee, waiting for the loo or dancing round the handbags (does that still happen?).

[longstebe]

Top post by Snowqueen, this is certainly one of the ladies who does "get it".

My grandma used to take two bottle caps. Turn them upside down and ask my grandpa to kneel on them.

Then she interogated him.

I guess time has changed.

This gave me the biggest laugh of the day, brilliant! I should try that sometime ha ha.

My husband is not a regular pub/bar after work drinker, or on weekends for that matter but on occasions when he has gone out with 'the lads' I know he would probably at some point end up in a bar like this somewhere. He normally tells me where he's been and even admitted to going to Orchard Towers but has often left the others after a couple of drinks as it really isn't his thing. However, this may be a different story when I'm out of town. He has often said that we should go there together as he's been quite impressed by the 'talents' of those girls coming down from very high poles - whatever floats your boat I suppose.

My husband is always hearing stories about how men have 'fallen down the rabbit hole' as he calls it and dropped their wives and family for the local totty they've met in a bar (probably not what the OP wants to hear) but from what we've seen this is usually white expat men, mostly old and fat as this looks like a bigger walking wallet for the girls to go after.

Jealousy is an ugly trait, I know I have displayed it a few times and probably with reason in the past but I have faith and trust in our marriage and maybe you should too if you don't want to drive your husband away.

[Wind In My Hair]

I know you all are trying to ‘normalize’ the fact that guys ‘just go to these places to have a laugh’ but to be honest…I think it is something deeper than that. There is something missing in the guy's life and that's why he is looking for the wrong fulfillment….

can't you just throw me a bone here?

Ready to catch? To be fair to you Brisa, it's really unfair of anyone to judge you based on this one isolated incident. There is probably much more background to this that you're not telling us, and you don't have to. I've also found that in matters of the heart, my gut has always served me better than the advice of strangers. So you need not take much of what you read here to heart.

Having said that, I know some of these male posters and can vouch that they aren't taking your hubby's side just because they are men. If they really thought he had done something wrong they would say so and advise you to leave him. As a female, I find that an honest male perspective helps me to realise that half the world doesn't think or feel the way I do. Perhaps some of the posts are hard for you to accept, but hearing it over and over again should mean something.

Marriage counselling seems to me a very good way to go at this point. If your marriage can be saved, it's worth the effort. If your marriage doesn't survive, at least you gave it every chance you could. There is nothing shameful in getting help, and your husband's consent would speak volumes about his commitment to the marriage. Do consider it.