Girls Bars at Tanjong Pagar

[intellectualsmuse]

sorry guys, although I know that guys will always be guys I am a bit old fashion when it comes down to marital vows. I believe that 'something' made him decide to go to those places. I am trying to understand what that 'something' is...he is a very intelligent and good looking man. He is married to an intelligent and good looking woman (not a fat, frustrated housewife – but that’s should not be a excuse too). Anyway, we both work and we have a beautiful young family...what is that the 'something'? Lust? I don't want a partner that can be THAT shallow.

That "something"=Personal space? I don't think going to a place necessarily means anything, but if it bothers you that much you should probably just ask him and make sure you don't sound accusative-just be casual and direct.

[brisa]

Hi nakatago, thanks for your comment.
Yes, I have done it. He admits and 'normalizes' it buy saying it is a 'guy thing'...he is sorry and have said so, but I am still considering divorce.

[Wind In My Hair]

Brisa, if you really must know you can hire a PI. Or you could ask to tag along and see his response - whether an edgy no or a relaxed yes. Or you could just live with the fact that most men are, as you say, "THAT shallow" (running for cover now!)

I went to Geylang and bough my backup, 2nd hand laptop over there. Does it count?

Only if the salegirl was sitting on your lap while selling it to you

[cookie09]

I believe that 'something' made him decide to go to those places. I am trying to understand what that 'something' is...

a boys night out where they talk about girls other than their wifeys and daughters? men like that (sorry if this is new to you) and it gives them pleasure.

has nothing to do with who they love, care about, etc.

pretty standard stuff. if you don't believe the men in this forum, ask any Asian wifey friend. they usually are more used to these things and more relaxed about it.

[Strong Eagle]

..what is that the 'something'? Lust? I don't want a partner that can be THAT shallow.

Lust, I suppose, if it goes all the way. Otherwise, fantasy. An available woman that wants YOU. Compare this to the typical American female who won't even make eye contact, let alone smile.

[Strong Eagle]

Hi nakatago, thanks for your comment.
Yes, I have done it. He admits and 'normalizes' it buy saying it is a 'guy thing'...he is sorry and have said so, but I am still considering divorce.

So... it now becomes clear who is not in a committed relationship.

[JayCee]

Hi nakatago, thanks for your comment.
Yes, I have done it. He admits and 'normalizes' it buy saying it is a 'guy thing'...he is sorry and have said so, but I am still considering divorce.

Divorce??? Over a couple of drinks in a dodgy bar??? With that attitude I think he'll be well rid of you!

[ex-pat]

Hi there, I am a married female expat I just need to ask male expats out there for information about Tanjong Pagar girly bars.
Anyway, let me get to the point. What exactly do men do at those bars? Do the girls approach the costumers just to chat or the initial approach is already very intimate?
Sorry, I just need some help ...I found evidence of something and I need to make a decision and your insight could help me understand....
thanks a lot

Theres nothing wrong going to those places as long as he knows his limit. Maybe he was invited by his colleagues and he coudnt say NO just to save his EGO. But if he keeps going there by himself and a habitual drink buyer to those bar girls then that is the time that you have to press the Wake up button.
Try to make a habit of asking him to come home for dinner so the kids can see him before they go to bed. And oh when he comes home try to look hot as when you were still dating....put on those sexy outfit that girls on bars wear...Men are naturally LUSTFUL and that is NORMAL.

[sundaymorningstaple]

sorry guys, although I know that guys will always be guys I am a bit old fashion when it comes down to marital vows. I believe that 'something' made him decide to go to those places. I am trying to understand what that 'something' is...he is a very intelligent and good looking man. He is married to an intelligent and good looking woman (not a fat, frustrated housewife – but that’s should not be a excuse too). Anyway, we both work and we have a beautiful young family...what is that the 'something'? Lust? I don't want a partner that can be THAT shallow.

Reading this, I think I know his problem. Sounds like you are intelligently trying to smother him. I agree, the guy is probably looking for some "space". doesn't mean anything by it except everybody need an escape from reality occasionally. I do about once every 3 or 4 months (as some here can attest to) my wife does it more often. She takes sanctuary in the church. Different strokes for different folks.

I can tell you this, though. If you don't learn to be a little bit flexible, you won't have to file for a divorce. You'll drive him out. Unless he doesn't come home before daybreak and he doesn't do this ever other night or every weekend, or starts leaving you alone (unless you have been putting him off already) he's just blowing off stress. You attitude screams stress at home as well from what he gets at work from my POV.

Again, this is just my POV of what I'm getting from reading your post. And yes, I've been married a long time and several times as well. I've also been in Asia nearly 30 years.

[JayCee]

I'm itching to find out what she discovered evidence of

If you found out that hubby/bf went for a few after work drinks with friends to one of these places I wouldn't worry too much, most are quite tame and just want them to buy a few drinks nothing more

If he went to Geylang on the other hand...

It's the four floors you have to watch out for... although Naughty Girl is mostly an eye candy place.

I've always seen OT as more of a tourist attraction to be honest, on the rare occasions I've been there it's just been with a bunch of guys on a drinking session who want a bit of eye candy, nothing ever happens although I accept that for some guys it's not so easy for them to resist.

I tell the gf if I'm going there too, she couldn't care less as she trusts me, maybe brisa should work on her trust issues

[brisa]

Thank you all for your male perspective. That's exactly what I was looking for. I just really wanted to know what made him go there in the first place...some locals have told me that the girls greet the customers with a kiss and immediately start some kind of intimate contact (hands on the legs, hands on everyone). It really feels like betrayal.
Anyway, once again thank you.

[sundaymorningstaple]

Half of the replies to your posts were from women (both asian and western).

[x9200]

sorry guys, although I know that guys will always be guys I am a bit old fashion when it comes down to marital vows. I believe that 'something' made him decide to go to those places. I am trying to understand what that 'something' is...he is a very intelligent and good looking man. He is married to an intelligent and good looking woman (not a fat, frustrated housewife – but that’s should not be a excuse too). Anyway, we both work and we have a beautiful young family...what is that the 'something'? Lust? I don't want a partner that can be THAT shallow.

Brisa, my wife would not say a word of what you were saying here knowing I was in a place like this. You seems to have a zero trust marriage if you have all these concerns and prefer to express them to a public forum rather than just talk to your husband.

My bad English made me to edit this post.

[x9200]

Brisa, if you really must know you can hire a PI. Or you could ask to tag along and see his response - whether an edgy no or a relaxed yes. Or you could just live with the fact that most men are, as you say, "THAT shallow" (running for cover now!)

I went to Geylang and bough my backup, 2nd hand laptop over there. Does it count?

Only if the salegirl was sitting on your lap while selling it to you

Not a girl unfortunately. A kind of manager I supposed (no, not sitting on my lap . He sold to me cheaply a pretty decent laptop hiding that it spontaneously restarts every 30 min or so. It was pretty easy to fix it so I guess afterall it involved some kind of sexual activities.

[longstebe]

Hi nakatago, thanks for your comment.
Yes, I have done it. He admits and 'normalizes' it buy saying it is a 'guy thing'...he is sorry and have said so, but I am still considering divorce.

Divorce??? Over a couple of drinks in a dodgy bar??? With that attitude I think he'll be well rid of you!

Exactly what I was thinking. Some women just don't get it.
Mine and most other mens idea of a good night out is taking the piss out of each other whilst having some nice looking girls serving you(supplying drinks that is).
I'm sure it's a little different for young single guys.
I'm usually a jibbering mess to do anything anyway.