Birthday's would it be rude to ask for cash?

[carolynW]

My kids have come to the point they have learnt about cash and at birthdays they get a whole load of presents that they may not like or play with but will still want to open.

Is it rude to ask for cash? I don't even mind if the amount is small. At least I can have my child set aside 1/3 for savings, 1/3 for charity and 1/3 for something he really wants and not have to deal with alot of unwanted toys.

Would it be strange if I had a mom / party organiser... organize just one gift and all chipped in?

I know the chinese are ok with the hongbao and cash but would I be stepping on toes with the non-chinese?

[cbavasi]

I would think it was strange if I was asked to give money instead of a gift if the children are quite young (below 10). I think asking to donate to a charity in the child's name is a thoughtful idea - but I would also want to give the child something small to open.

Part of the joy of giving a gift... is exactly that - it's a "gift" - meaning I don't want to be told what to give. I've heard of classes going in on one big gift for the birthday child (and this is mandatory for all the children). I've also heard my sister in laws talk of giving money when the children were older - 10 and above - or a gift card/voucher. I suppose it is how comfortable you are asking the people you are inviting?

[scarbowl]

Certainly in the west it is considered very rude to ask for cash. Can't speak for Asian culture. I would be offended. That said, you might suggest a gift card to a favorite store. On the other hand, isn't there SOMETHING you can suggest, instead?

It is traditional to bring a wrapped gift which can be opened in the presence of others. That is part of the fun of a birthday party.

If you have kids asking for cash gifts, you have some education to do on manners and priorities. My $0.02.

[beppi]

For me, a good present must come from the heart and show the giver's consideration and love. Cash is cold and I would not give it to or want to receive it from people I consider friends.

[sundaymorningstaple]

If the children who are coming to the party are Singaporeans or Asians, they won't feel bad as they have been brought up on a cash culture with the receipts of Hong Bao every CNY. Cash is King in Asia. My kids have always preferred cash as that way the get to ensure the presents are what they want. (We did the present thing until their early teens but that was 12 years ago).

[carolynW]

Interesting replies, I would have thought cash is practical and better than receiving a bunch of toys one would not need or play once with or some cheap toy.

Also to suggest a gift, my kids are into star wars lego and I wouldn't want to suggest that as they are quite an expensive gift, he is happy to receive just one gift (so sharing seems to make sense) and not the big mountains of gifts that he gets over a birthday (tho I have made it a rule he opens one a day, but its still alot).

Will see how to navigate this one!

[missis]

Well you did ask - the fact that you did ask shows you must have been doubtful. Why not ask for vouchers rather than cash? By the way I wouldn't want someone I'd given a present to to give it to charity, especially a child.
Incidentally, how on earth did you manage to get your child to only open one present a day

[durain]

maybe i will try this on the invite and see what happens....


"no box gifts but instead you can put money into my paypal account"

[QRM]

Tough call, it should be all about receiving and fun of opening the pressie, Mind you I remember how disappointed I used to be having a big wrapped pressie fly in all the way from the UK only to find a bad news Marks and Sparks sweater inside.

May be word the invite, " I know some of you may find this offensive but my kid has asked specifically for help towards his saving for a new xxx, so when in Rome do as the Romans do and a donation would be much appreciated"

Some how donation sounds less grinding then cash.

[missis]

Tough call, it should be all about receiving and fun of opening the pressie, Mind you I remember how disappointed I used to be having a big wrapped pressie fly in all the way from the UK only to find a bad news Marks and Sparks sweater inside.

May be word the invite, " I know some of you may find this offensive but my kid has asked specifically for help towards his saving for a new xxx, so when in Rome do as the Romans do and a donation would be much appreciated"

Some how donation sounds less grinding then cash.

Yes, if someone said that to me (that their child was saving for xxx and would appreciate donation/contribution) I wouldn't be offended. But if they said "Johnny just wants cash please" then I would be.

[carolynW]

Good wording suggestion, thanks!!

I got the kids to agree to opening a present a day by saying if they want to throw a birthday party then here's the deal, (1) you may get alot of presents, we can only open one a day, (2) cake can only be chocolate (I am a chocoholic), (3) you must address all the cards and thank you notes, etc... make it on a list and pin it up.

[BigSis]

Are you talking about kids parties here rather than relatives from abroad? Our kids often ask for cash from relatives back home these days because it's expensive to post stuff and half the time they get them things like clothes which don't fit so I've told them it's better to send cash and they're happy to do so.

I've never thought about asking for cash from kids at parties though - it's an interesting idea and not a bad one (given some of the junk presents we've received over the years - I wish I'd thought of it sooner!). Give it a go and see what people say, but the idea 'missis' has about telling them that your child is saving up for something is better than asking directly for cash. You could put it delicately by mentioning on the invitataion that 'Hong baos would be appreciated because ...........etc etc' rather than saying 'money', or you could say 'Hong baos or book tokens' and give people the option that way.

I think it could all be down to the wording you use.

But the thing is, if we're prepared to ask our relatives for money, there's no reason why we should be shy about asking the same of people we don't know so well.

[kimora]

Asking for cash is not necessarily rude but something I wouldn't ever do as a parent myself. A gift is a gesture of kindness but giving cash to a child and expecting another parent to gift this to someone's elses kid is OTT.

[daytripper65]

The recent birthday party trend in the States is "no gift" parties (cash, etc.) I think this is a great idea, but understandably difficult if you're kids are young and used to getting gifts, which mine were.

The kids never appreciate all the gifts they get, and I find the more they have the more they want- a vicious cycle which I find hard to stomach. What I did was tell people (only the ones who asked) that nothing was necessary except their company, but if they were going to bring something a book would be best. Then I let them keep the books and sometimes one gift they liked and donate the rest to charity. At home it's much easier to let them be hands on with this, delivering them to a shelter or drop box, but I'm not sure about here.

Here I don't have parties for them, we take them out to eat to a place they choose, I bake them a cake, and we get them one gift.

[elbi]

i thought of hosting a no-gift birthday party for my then 5 year old, but just didn't have the strength to see it through and eventually gave in to pressure. perhaps i'll offer the idea to my child when he's a bit older.

for those who would like to consider it, here are some ideas:
http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/gifts.html