I got married in Hong Kong to a Cantonese bride and it was decided quite early to mix up the ceremony as much as the marriage would be. This was more a decision made by the bride, the bride's mother and the bride's elder brother who was already married with kids (hence, family already had the full traditional Cantonese wedding done).
1.Pre-wedding photo shoot - how soon before the wedding should this be?
We did this a few months before purely because the idea is to have the main picture present at the entrance table to the banquet dinner.
2.Guo Da Li gifts to bride's family - not exactly sure when this should be, but know that I am expected to give a pig and hong bao to her mother (pin jin). Is this still common?
Technically I skipped this, but there was a pig when..... see Point 5
3.ROM can be part of the wedding day or before - is this correct? How easy is it to fit it into the actual day?
Did the ceremony, signed the papers just before lunchtime then...... see Point 7. Later in the evening then we also had the formal banquet..... see Point 1.
4.Actual day starts with groom and brothers going to collect the bride. Bride's sisters require a series of challenges to be completed as well as hong bao! How much is acceptable to give the sisters?
Skipped this completely, neither myself nor the bride were comfortable with the idea of me carrying her down 22 flights of stairs., for example.
5. Tea Ceremony with bride's parents. Do we serve all of her older relatives?
Yes. Very easy and we also offered tea to the gods and past relatives, notably my (would be) F.i.L.
6. Groom takes bride back to grooms place for a further tea ceremony. My question here is what to do if the groom's parents are divorced and will not sit next to each other. Should we have 2 separate tea ceremonies? Also parents will be flying in, is it acceptable to have tea ceremonies in hotel suites /
Serviced Apartments?
Skipped. We did my parents (who had flown in from the UK) at the same time as...... see Point 5.
7. Lunch? where is it usually held? Groom's place?
We did lunch in a restuarant near the Registrars.
8. ROM ceremony - I assume this can be anywhere, not just the ROM building. Also, is it possible to ROM on any day of the week?
Pass.
9. Wedding banquet - Is it possible to cater for a mixture of Chinese, Jewish, Vegetarian, Muslim, Hindu guests? Also are there any traditions we should follow during the dinner? Guestbook? Cutting the cake? Going round the tables for a drink? Any others?
In HK we only had Chinese, except for myself and parents so the banquet was Chinese. We had the Guest Scroll for signing on the entrance table (also see Point 11) and a Red Packet book that would cross-check the names and tally up a total.
The scroll was supplied by.... see Point 1, so also has our picture on it. We did cut the cake and tour the tables toasting each separately. Others: We also did bend to tradition a little and play a couple of games dreamt up by the bride's girlfriends (see Point 4) though with it being public it was also relatively "safe". Other than that i can't think of anything else other than the mahjong.
10. On a more financial note, am I right in saying the couple usually pay for everything (photos, dress hire, banquet etc) and the hong bao covers some of it?
Correct. The whole point of the tradition and "Red Envelope" is to turn a profit whereby sending the new couple into married life with something in the bank, rather than three sets of cutlery, two kettles and a dishwasher.
11. Date - I heard there are auspicious dates to get married depending on the time of birth of bride and groom - how do we find out about ours?
Correct, but my wife did ours.
We realise that there may need to be a lot of compromises (afterall thats what marriage is about!), but appreciate any advice. Would love to hear about past experiences of mixed race weddings.
In addition to the wedding formalities in HK we went back to the UK and held another reception there, tagged onto a week in Paris beforehand that was some sort of "honeymoon" though six months after we got married.
My parents and I even decided to go a little "oriental" on their hide and took both our Scroll for everybody to sign AND have my mother send out Red Envelopes with the invitations. Whilst it sounds a bit "off" it actually went down really well with the family because they didn't have to do any thinking. We did another cutting of the cake, a disco and handed out favours as are traditional at home....... and got seriously rat @rsed, which is also traditional.
Sometimes have multiple personalities is advantageous as you can always blame it on the other one!
