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Baby with a Singaporean citizen

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Splatted
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Postby Splatted » Mon, 05 Apr 2010 5:12 pm

SIN90449 wrote:thank you to all of you who made comments

however, the only really helpful advice i received was via a PM from your member Mad Scientist...

cheers and all the best :)


Glad someone was able to help.

As I mentioned, too little info provided to give you further options.

Remember, not everything has to involve the courts, though it seems this is the only advice you were seeking.

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Postby SIN90449 » Mon, 05 Apr 2010 5:19 pm

Splatted wrote:
SIN90449 wrote:thank you to all of you who made comments

however, the only really helpful advice i received was via a PM from your member Mad Scientist...

cheers and all the best :)


Glad someone was able to help.

As I mentioned, too little info provided to give you further options.

Remember, not everything has to involve the courts, though it seems this is the only advice you were seeking.


Splatted... believe me, the last thing i want to do is to get the courts involved... i've never been in court all my life.... the courts are the last resort i will have to turn to if everything else fails.

i asked you earlier what other info you need... please send me a PM if time allows.

regards

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Postby Splatted » Mon, 05 Apr 2010 5:56 pm

SIN90449 wrote:i asked you earlier what other info you need... please send me a PM if time allows.

regards


I'm not really wanting to get in private conversations, particularly when there is nothing that warrants it, ie you're using an anonymous id already.

The sorts of other options I had in mind essentially involve coming to a compromise with the mother of your child. For example, financially supporting her and the child in return for some visiting rights or whatever.

Ideally, I would suggest marriage but you've left everything all too cryptic as to why you aren't interested in such an obvious solution.

And I'm not going to play 20 questions. If it's something you're too embarrassed to talk about or unwilling, perhaps it's more professional help/advice that's needed than what can be given on this layman's forum.

As an aside, a quick google and I found the following:

CUSTODY DISPUTES: In Singapore, parents who are legally married share the custody of their children. If they are not married, by law the custody is granted to the mother unless there are known facts of inappropriate behavior, mental or social problems.

ENFORCEMENT OF FOREIGN JUDGMENTS: Custody orders and judgments of foreign courts are not enforceable in Singapore, unless a Singaporean court formally recognizes them.

VISITATION RIGHTS: In cases where legal custody has been granted and the judgment has been rendered, the non-custodial parent can petition the court for visitation rights within the court-ordered decision or come to a verbal agreement with the custodial parent.

That came from this website.
http://travel.state.gov/family/abductio ... y_519.html

I'm sure more info can be googled more specific to your circumstances

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Re: Baby with a Singaporean citizen

Postby carteki » Tue, 06 Apr 2010 5:26 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:I'm not going to make the obvious comment. However, I think you already know the answer to your footnote. I'm afraid I have to agree with the girl about doing the child more harm than good. The child needs both parents, not a mother and father. You already did your duty as a father. A single sperm saw to that. Single parent families disadvantage the child before the child even has a chance. My 2¢ worth.


It is not obvious. I have seen many messed up kids where the parents are married - and some amazing single parent kids (largely due to the amazing single parent). Marriage is not the answer and if they got married just because of the kid imho it is the wrong thing to do. My 2c.

SIN90449 has stated his intention of trying to be a part of his daughters life and asked for assistance, based on the fact that he doesn't want to get married - how ever good or bad his reasons are, I'm not sure it is our place to judge him.

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Re: Baby with a Singaporean citizen

Postby Splatted » Tue, 06 Apr 2010 5:44 pm

carteki wrote:Marriage is not the answer and if they got married just because of the kid imho it is the wrong thing to do. My 2c.

SIN90449 has stated his intention of trying to be a part of his daughters life and asked for assistance, based on the fact that he doesn't want to get married - how ever good or bad his reasons are, I'm not sure it is our place to judge him.


You've made the assumption that sin90449 was in a loveless relationship.

Marriage is an obvious solution if the opposite were true. However Sin90449 has deliberately left a lot of questions unanswered.

And knowing the reasons are not for the sake of judging a person. He's using anonymous ID, so who cares what anyone really thinks of him here. Noone will ever meet him or talk to him outside the confines of this forum.

Actually, without any further detail, I'm inclined to agree with the woman in question that his involvement might do more damage than good. She can move on with her life and (re)marry, and the boy will would have a father.

Any involvement by sin90449 at this point is more for the benefit of himself than the child.

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Re: Baby with a Singaporean citizen

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 06 Apr 2010 6:42 pm

carteki wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:I'm not going to make the obvious comment. However, I think you already know the answer to your footnote. I'm afraid I have to agree with the girl about doing the child more harm than good. The child needs both parents, not a mother and father. You already did your duty as a father. A single sperm saw to that. Single parent families disadvantage the child before the child even has a chance. My 2¢ worth.


It is not obvious. I have seen many messed up kids where the parents are married - and some amazing single parent kids (largely due to the amazing single parent). Marriage is not the answer and if they got married just because of the kid imho it is the wrong thing to do. My 2c.

SIN90449 has stated his intention of trying to be a part of his daughters life and asked for assistance, based on the fact that he doesn't want to get married - how ever good or bad his reasons are, I'm not sure it is our place to judge him.


Carteki, Yes, I would agree with you. I've seen exactly the same on occasion. But frankly, the deck is stacked against them don't you think? Most professionals think that way. But, yes, there are always exceptions to the rule. I don't think I would like to gamble my child's unknown emotional state on a man who may or may not stick around for who knows how many years before just flying out of the country and out of the child's life. I'm still inclined to agree with the mother, but as the OP noted, the post is not about that at all, and that's why I didn't ask the question in the beginning.

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Postby ksl » Wed, 07 Apr 2010 8:32 pm

Actually everyone is jumping to conclusions, without proof.

Proof the child is yours, is the first step, otherwise you wouldn't be the first, to pay for a child that wasn't actually yours anyway!

Survival instincts of women can be just has well planned to secure the family, after all a woman with two other children is has much to blame, for getting pregnant, and may even have wanted it that way. not for us to judge,,,,the person could also have more than one boyfriend who know.

I think its wrong to assume anything but the truth and the truth is, he needs to know if its his child before doing anything.

If it is, then i would suggest setting up a fund for the child, to ensure there is support for his/her education and also pay something to help the woman raise the child. It can be arranged quite easy with any solicitor.

But first get your proof.

I've actually known several married couples, that have divorced only to find out that kids had been fathered by others. :roll:

The shock comes, when you really thought you knew that person!

Don't end up like the fish that swallowed the bait, hook line and sinker. Just do what you have to do!

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Postby Splatted » Fri, 09 Apr 2010 1:00 am

ksl wrote:Actually everyone is jumping to conclusions, without proof.


Well, yes. All we can do is take it all at face value.

There are many possible scenarios one can think of. Heck, we could be talking to Tiger Woods, for all we know.

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Postby ksl » Fri, 09 Apr 2010 11:50 am

Splatted wrote:
ksl wrote:Actually everyone is jumping to conclusions, without proof.


Well, yes. All we can do is take it all at face value.

There are many possible scenarios one can think of. Heck, we could be talking to Tiger Woods, for all we know.
Ha ha yes Tiger Woods! I know I came over a little harsh on women, and know full well men are no different.

I have had a couple of long term relationships over 2 years that is, and also discovered they had other partners when i was away, though i guess because I had already said I wasn't interested in marriage....They married within a year of our break up, I just couldn't figure out at first why I was being dumped after a couple of years, then I realised that women want security more than love in most cases, can't say has i blame them if they can get away with it. Though this old dog as been burnt several times in courtship too :cry:

Though i guess its a matter of just how liberated we all are. Sex in the City comes to mind. :shock: Though experienced women know exactly what they want, and will go the extra mile to get there way. :?

Oddly enough I actually decided on marriage after 23 years of divorce, in one day after meeting my wife, knowing full well we didn't love each other, but we both wanted it to work, and agreed on a commitment, I'm happy to say that my love and admiration grew each day, and we have now been happy for 10 years.

Just to surprise you all, I met my 2nd wife online, chatted for 3 months, then decided to meet to see if we was compatible, so I flew from Europe to Taiwan, and whisked her away to get married in Denmark, after her fathers permission that is.

My past relationships was love at first sight, all the gooey weak knees, stuff but over time, when the bubble burst and marriage was on the cards I came to my senses, that love was just an illusion created by the 7 senses. So I settled for the commitment and fell in love :)

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Postby raden888 » Sat, 10 Apr 2010 7:02 pm

I know this is way off topic but the OP has probably got what he wanted. Why do these men seem to forget about precautory steps?? A packet of condom only costs a few dollars! Just keep one or two packets in your wallet so whenever you get lucky you will not end up with the OP's situation!

Mind you, children are not the only 'problematic' outcome there also STD's...Just because you're in Singapore does not mean you will not acquire or able to transmit them. Word of the day condoM.

Hey KSL, good on ya for taking a chance!:cool:


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