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Baby with a Singaporean citizen

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SIN90449
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Baby with a Singaporean citizen

Postby SIN90449 » Sat, 03 Apr 2010 2:50 pm

hi, i am the usual newbie in this forum turning to any source of help when in trouble :)

hope i can find it here :)

i moved to Singapore in Nov 2008 and as it happens sometimes in life by January 2009 a Singaporean lady was pregnant with my child. Shocked at first I denied being the father but as the months went on i grew accustomed to the idea of being a father, which i never wanted to be before...

I am not married to the woman and have no plans to be it one day. Currently i am on a EntrePass in Singapore with my own little company (no expat package, I'm afraid). I know this puts me into a weak position when it comes to custodial things in Singapore.

However, the boy was born in late august and since then it has been a constant struggle to be able to see him. She only accepts marriage as a possible way forward and says that without marriage i would rather harm the boy then do him good when she allows me to see him. She is divorced with two kids of her own.

It got now to the point where it makes no sense to discuss it with her anymore as she will never agree to a compromise. E.g. not getting married, but doing the best for the child.

My questions to the forum are:

- where can i turn to for advice without cost involved?
- does anybody know what the rights of a foreigner are in Singapore in such cases?
- has anybody experienced something similar and could give me some info on how to proceed to secure my visiting rights as well as my duties...

Thanks a bunch for any advice

PS. I would like to highlight again that i don't just want to secure my rights... in contrary i want to do the best for the child and fulfill my duties as a father

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Re: Baby with a Singaporean citizen

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Sat, 03 Apr 2010 3:46 pm

SIN90449 wrote:I would like to highlight again that i don't just want to secure my rights... in contrary i want to do the best for the child and fulfill my duties as a father


I'm not going to make the obvious comment. However, I think you already know the answer to your footnote. I'm afraid I have to agree with the girl about doing the child more harm than good. The child needs both parents, not a mother and father. You already did your duty as a father. A single sperm saw to that. Single parent families disadvantage the child before the child even has a chance. My 2¢ worth.

As far as where to turn without cost is concerned, without being a citizen or PR I'm not sure if you would be able to find anybody that would do it for nothing.

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Re: Baby with a Singaporean citizen

Postby SIN90449 » Sat, 03 Apr 2010 4:01 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:
SIN90449 wrote:I would like to highlight again that i don't just want to secure my rights... in contrary i want to do the best for the child and fulfill my duties as a father


I'm not going to make the obvious comment. However, I think you already know the answer to your footnote. I'm afraid I have to agree with the girl about doing the child more harm than good. The child needs both parents, not a mother and father. You already did your duty as a father. A single sperm saw to that. Single parent families disadvantage the child before the child even has a chance. My 2¢ worth.

As far as where to turn without cost is concerned, without being a citizen or PR I'm not sure if you would be able to find anybody that would do it for nothing.


SMS, i'm not proud of the situation, believe me that... and I know the little one will have to suffer in his life as he grows up as well as the rest of her family....but things are as they are.... and i will have to do the best possible...

can you recommend somebody or something even if i have to pay for it.... surely, i know that nothing is free in live and surely not for foreigners in Singapore.....


Thanks

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Postby Asian_Geekette » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 2:41 am

Try talking to a lawyer. Here's the link to the Singapore Law Society: http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/
My business is not to remake myself, but make the absolute best out of what God made. -Robert Browning

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Re: Baby with a Singaporean citizen

Postby Splatted » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 2:00 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:
SIN90449 wrote:I would like to highlight again that i don't just want to secure my rights... in contrary i want to do the best for the child and fulfill my duties as a father


I'm not going to make the obvious comment.


I'll make it. Why not get married? Is there something specific holding you back?

eg you don't love this woman
You are worried about NS?
Something else?

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Re: Baby with a Singaporean citizen

Postby SIN90449 » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 6:17 pm

Splatted wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:
SIN90449 wrote:I would like to highlight again that i don't just want to secure my rights... in contrary i want to do the best for the child and fulfill my duties as a father


I'm not going to make the obvious comment.


I'll make it. Why not get married? Is there something specific holding you back?

eg you don't love this woman
You are worried about NS?
Something else?


Yes, i don't want to get married to her..... don't want to elaborate why, but there are a few things which are more than enough reason not to do so.

So, I'll have to try to do my best outside of a marriage. I know it won'T be easy but I won't give up either

NS is not an issue, I'm over 40 years old and done the NS in my home country already

regards

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 6:37 pm

I wonder if polygamy is one of them....... :-k

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Postby SIN90449 » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 6:41 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:I wonder if polygamy is one of them....... :-k


SMS... nice joke or insult .... don*t know how to understand it....but no, poligamy is it surely not, I*ve never been married

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 6:48 pm

No, it was neither a joke or an insult. It's not us that is being cryptic......

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Postby SIN90449 » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 7:09 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:No, it was neither a joke or an insult. It's not us that is being cryptic......


SMS... i thought this forum is where expats are turning to for some advice or help in a variety of situations and problems..... and not to explain the why's and how's....

No worries, i'll find out what i need to do myself as well, just thought i could get here some good advice....

take care :)

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Postby Splatted » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 7:23 pm

SIN90449 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:No, it was neither a joke or an insult. It's not us that is being cryptic......


SMS... i thought this forum is where expats are turning to for some advice or help in a variety of situations and problems..... and not to explain the why's and how's....

No worries, i'll find out what i need to do myself as well, just thought i could get here some good advice....

take care :)


You're asking for advice based on incomplete information.

Secondly, why would explaining the "why's" and "hows" be an issue when you are a newly registered person and noone knows who you are? It's not like you will bump into any one here on the street and be recognised.

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Postby SIN90449 » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 7:54 pm

Splatted wrote:
SIN90449 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:No, it was neither a joke or an insult. It's not us that is being cryptic......


SMS... i thought this forum is where expats are turning to for some advice or help in a variety of situations and problems..... and not to explain the why's and how's....

No worries, i'll find out what i need to do myself as well, just thought i could get here some good advice....

take care :)


You're asking for advice based on incomplete information.

Secondly, why would explaining the "why's" and "hows" be an issue when you are a newly registered person and noone knows who you are? It's not like you will bump into any one here on the street and be recognised.


Splatted... what other information do you need? i think i explained the situation very clear...i am foreigner in Singapore, having a baby with a Singaporean woman...i'm not married to her nor will i do it.... she doesn't give me access to my son... and thats why i look for advice on what to do..... pretty clear to me

regards :)

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Postby Splatted » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 9:06 pm

SIN90449 wrote:
Splatted... what other information do you need? i think i explained the situation very clear...i am foreigner in Singapore, having a baby with a Singaporean woman...i'm not married to her nor will i do it.... she doesn't give me access to my son... and thats why i look for advice on what to do..... pretty clear to me

regards :)


Yes, you stated this before. Asian geekette gave you the best advice I think for this scenario you detailed.

You're essentially asking for equal rights or partial/joint custody of the child, without committing to a marriage. Only a lawyer can tell you what your next step would be.

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Postby SIN90449 » Sun, 04 Apr 2010 9:25 pm

Splatted wrote:Yes, you stated this before. Asian geekette gave you the best advice I think for this scenario you detailed.

You're essentially asking for equal rights or partial/joint custody of the child, without committing to a marriage. Only a lawyer can tell you what your next step would be.


Splatted... thanks for your words...

bye bye

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Postby SIN90449 » Mon, 05 Apr 2010 2:58 pm

thank you to all of you who made comments

however, the only really helpful advice i received was via a PM from your member Mad Scientist...

cheers and all the best :)


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