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Need suggestions on free marriage counselling in LA

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sweetie2980
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Need suggestions on free marriage counselling in LA

Postby sweetie2980 » Sun, 07 Mar 2010 12:33 pm

Hey folks...well first of all i know im posting on a wrong forum but i tried to find such a forum in LA on the internet to no avail. Anyways...the heading says it all...in addition to that im a new migrant currently residing in Upland, CA. Originally from Malaysia and been here for a month. Just got married 4 days ago with a 7 year old stepson whose coming to stay with us over the weekend.

I would like to ask for help and suggestions in general to where should i go for free counselling here in Upland or somewhere nearby..maybe LA..a church? Im not a christian myself..in fact im a muslim..but wouldnt mind to go as long as its free :P or any malaysian or Singaporean community in LA?

Generally im finding its difficult for me to cope with my new life here. i left everything behind to be with my husband and since this is my first marriage and the longest i ever been staying under one roof with a man dealing day to day life. im feeling really clingy with my husband wanting to have physical contact with him such as kissing and hugging but he's not the same type as i am. Been calling my best friend back in Malaysia often but its hard to communicate since the line wasnt good for a long distance call. My husband is a heavy smoker and he smokes pot too as well as drinks everyday. I have no problem with all that is just that i couldnt stand the stinky smell of marijuana each time he smokes at home. I tried before but i dint like it so i just leave him alone to do what he likes and never tried to stop him from doing what he wants...the good thing is that though he drinks beer all day but he never gets drunk. I tried to tell him something nicely twice before if im upset bout something but he said im being a drama queen as things that im complaining bout was a small tiny things..So i just kept quiet and sit in the room and do my own thing till i cool down. We never fight. Generally my husband is a wonderful husband..he has taken good care of me with things at home.Its just he's being insensitive and affectionate bout my feelings and emotions.

It makes me missed home all the time especially my mother and her hugs. Really missed places i used to go in Singapore and mom's cooking. Another thing is i find its hard to communicate with his son...sometimes he speaks to fast and not clear enough that i asked him to repeat..it makes him giving up on me and stop explaining..i felt like a failure and dumb. I tried to cook him a fried rice but he dint like it and said im weird because his vocabulary of food menu is limited such as hot dogs and fries.Its hard for me sometimes to integrate with him.

I come so far away and left everything behind to be with my husband and even missed my father's funeral. Spent half of my savings to get married with him and i really want this to work. I need help...any good suggestions? Thank you so much :)
from down south all the way to west coast california..blending the sugar and spice of asian world in the world of melting pots america

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intellectualsmuse
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Re: Need suggestions on free marriage counselling in LA

Postby intellectualsmuse » Mon, 08 Mar 2010 1:49 pm

sweetie2980 wrote:Hey folks...well first of all i know im posting on a wrong forum but i tried to find such a forum in LA on the internet to no avail. Anyways...the heading says it all...in addition to that im a new migrant currently residing in Upland, CA. Originally from Malaysia and been here for a month. Just got married 4 days ago with a 7 year old stepson whose coming to stay with us over the weekend.

I would like to ask for help and suggestions in general to where should i go for free counselling here in Upland or somewhere nearby..maybe LA..a church? Im not a christian myself..in fact im a muslim..but wouldnt mind to go as long as its free :P or any malaysian or Singaporean community in LA?

Generally im finding its difficult for me to cope with my new life here. i left everything behind to be with my husband and since this is my first marriage and the longest i ever been staying under one roof with a man dealing day to day life. im feeling really clingy with my husband wanting to have physical contact with him such as kissing and hugging but he's not the same type as i am. Been calling my best friend back in Malaysia often but its hard to communicate since the line wasnt good for a long distance call. My husband is a heavy smoker and he smokes pot too as well as drinks everyday. I have no problem with all that is just that i couldnt stand the stinky smell of marijuana each time he smokes at home. I tried before but i dint like it so i just leave him alone to do what he likes and never tried to stop him from doing what he wants...the good thing is that though he drinks beer all day but he never gets drunk. I tried to tell him something nicely twice before if im upset bout something but he said im being a drama queen as things that im complaining bout was a small tiny things..So i just kept quiet and sit in the room and do my own thing till i cool down. We never fight. Generally my husband is a wonderful husband..he has taken good care of me with things at home.Its just he's being insensitive and affectionate bout my feelings and emotions.

It makes me missed home all the time especially my mother and her hugs. Really missed places i used to go in Singapore and mom's cooking. Another thing is i find its hard to communicate with his son...sometimes he speaks to fast and not clear enough that i asked him to repeat..it makes him giving up on me and stop explaining..i felt like a failure and dumb. I tried to cook him a fried rice but he dint like it and said im weird because his vocabulary of food menu is limited such as hot dogs and fries.Its hard for me sometimes to integrate with him.

I come so far away and left everything behind to be with my husband and even missed my father's funeral. Spent half of my savings to get married with him and i really want this to work. I need help...any good suggestions? Thank you so much :)


From your post I'm not sure if its you that needs counselling or your better half. In your situation you probably need to try and communicate better with your husband and be assertive about your needs. I really think that some men assume that they can get away with anything because they have an Asian wife-just the stereotype of a docile woman who is not too vocal about her needs-kind of harsh but sometimes true. As for your stepson you'll need a lot of patience and with time things should work out.

As far as the accent bit is concerned, you can try making some friends and as you converse with people you will pick up the nuances of spoken American English. Also watching tv might help :-)

Eventually once you've tried everything out you'll need to figure if this is what you really want. Goodluck!
For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know.

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QRM
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Postby QRM » Mon, 08 Mar 2010 3:44 pm

You been married for 4 days and need a marriage councilor already? Things dont stack up. You say hes a great husband and then you say he drinks beer and smokes pot all day and then ignores you?

Why dont you get out and about and explore the place a bit.

Every new place takes time to settle in, you just have to read this forum to see lots of cultured shocked and depressed expats arriving on these shores.

Do you have any hobbies? join a group of people with similar interest? Invite some of your chums over from Malaysia and explore with them?

Sign up to facebook / skype and stay in touch with your chums

Read up about the history of your new place, there must be Muslim help group if not being a Muslim why not ask the local churches if you can have a chat with the congregation to set up a two way dialog to learn about each other cultures. Its all up to you....

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ksl
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Postby ksl » Sat, 30 Oct 2010 5:58 pm

March the 7th, such a long time ago, maybe she's divorced by now and back in Malaysia :roll: A one poster too, hope she's okay!

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intellectualsmuse
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Postby intellectualsmuse » Tue, 02 Nov 2010 12:59 pm

ksl wrote:March the 7th, such a long time ago, maybe she's divorced by now and back in Malaysia :roll: A one poster too, hope she's okay!


She was actually unsure whether to go for it in the first place. In a previous post she was asking around if it was okay to marry the guy against her family's wishes in the first place.

Sad.

Hope she's okay!
For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know.

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sundaymorningstaple
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 02 Nov 2010 2:22 pm

That one had failure written all over it in the beginning. Hope she can come to some sort of closure.


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