Singapore Expats Forum

Should i issue seperation deed or reconsider

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.

ling88
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed, 03 Feb 2010

Should i issue seperation deed or reconsider

Postby ling88 » Thu, 04 Mar 2010 9:44 am

Need advice

A guy which do not care for wife neither daughter deserve another chance?

He is:
- hook to his psp
- dvd show
- keep thinking of putting tattoo & dye hair red
- Never financially support me & daughter in the other way round i nid support him
- No initiative (eg: baby cloth i has to wash even i work where as he dont ask him wash like will want his life)
- Only know sleep wake up want eat
- Did not put any effort to quit smoke (Feign quit smoke but behind my back smoke)
- Keep want to bet on ball batting
- Keep going out whole day when i working and dont wish to take care of baby
- Thinking of going msia on my pay day expecting i pay full amt

Does he worth me re-consider?

he leaving Singapore go find his family liao.. migrate just like that..

User avatar
Mad Scientist
Director
Director
Posts: 3459
Joined: Thu, 03 Dec 2009
Location: TIMBUKTU

Re: Should i issue speperation deed or reconsider

Postby Mad Scientist » Thu, 04 Mar 2010 9:58 am

ling88 wrote:Need advice

A guy which do not care for wife neither daughter deserve another chance?

He is:
- hook to his psp
- dvd show
- keep thinking of putting tattoo & dye hair red
- Never financially support me & daughter in the other way round i nid support him
- No initiative (eg: baby cloth i has to wash even i work where as he dont ask him wash like will want his life)
- Only know sleep wake up want eat
- Did not put any effort to quit smoke (Feign quit smoke but behind my back smoke)
- Keep want to bet on ball batting
- Keep going out whole day when i working and dont wish to take care of baby
- Thinking of going msia on my pay day expecting i pay full amt

Does he worth me re-consider?

he leaving Singapore go find his family liao.. migrate just like that..


OK....... Doctor is IN !!!
Me no understand what you say !!
How to give medicine ????

You need to be clear on what you want us to advise.
Look if he is an ^@#@hole , kick his butt and say good bye

mayaray
Regular
Regular
Posts: 78
Joined: Sat, 30 Jul 2005
Location: Sillypore

..

Postby mayaray » Thu, 04 Mar 2010 10:01 am

Can you tell us what are his good attributes? What did you likes/love about him when you were still dating?

User avatar
sundaymorningstaple
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 35178
Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004
Location: Still Fishing!
Contact:

Re: ..

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 04 Mar 2010 10:14 am

mayaray wrote:Can you tell us what are his good attributes?


She just did. :-|

mayaray
Regular
Regular
Posts: 78
Joined: Sat, 30 Jul 2005
Location: Sillypore

.

Postby mayaray » Thu, 04 Mar 2010 10:26 am

I dont think so. It's good to reflect on what are someone's good points so that you can have a more balanced decision. of course he sounds like a right A.hole in her description. But why post something with such an obvious answer.

All i can say, when you find things are hopeless and everyone is telling you to dump the idiot who is the father of your child, if you can still find something in you to soldier on and you need support, religion can be an option.

User avatar
sundaymorningstaple
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 35178
Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004
Location: Still Fishing!
Contact:

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 04 Mar 2010 10:56 am

If you can read between the lines, you will know exactly what I am talking about. I would be interested to know how old the baby is and how long they have been married.

utopia
Regular
Regular
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed, 03 Feb 2010

Re: Should i issue speperation deed or reconsider

Postby utopia » Thu, 04 Mar 2010 4:14 pm

ling88 wrote:Need advice

A guy which do not care for wife neither daughter deserve another chance?

He is:
- hook to his psp
- dvd show
- keep thinking of putting tattoo & dye hair red
- Never financially support me & daughter in the other way round i nid support him
- No initiative (eg: baby cloth i has to wash even i work where as he dont ask him wash like will want his life)
- Only know sleep wake up want eat
- Did not put any effort to quit smoke (Feign quit smoke but behind my back smoke)
- Keep want to bet on ball batting
- Keep going out whole day when i working and dont wish to take care of baby
- Thinking of going msia on my pay day expecting i pay full amt

Does he worth me re-consider?

he leaving Singapore go find his family liao.. migrate just like that..


The child has to be at least 3 months old ( you are back at work after the maternity leave)
The least you have known him for is a year including the pregency period.

Unfortunately he's milking you and not working - or else you take him to the cleaners.

Your real issue isn't to drop him - that's pretty straight forward, a man that doesn't respect his wife and treats her as a cash cow is easily in the 'beyond redemption' category.
Your real issue is do you want to face life as a single mother ? and what that means for you in terms like your housing (HDB?), and what positives he brings to your love life, if any.

User avatar
Mad Scientist
Director
Director
Posts: 3459
Joined: Thu, 03 Dec 2009
Location: TIMBUKTU

Re: Should i issue speperation deed or reconsider

Postby Mad Scientist » Fri, 05 Mar 2010 4:22 am

The child has to be at least 3 months old ( you are back at work after the maternity leave)
The least you have known him for is a year including the pregency period.

Unfortunately he's milking you and not working - or else you take him to the cleaners.

Your real issue isn't to drop him - that's pretty straight forward, a man that doesn't respect his wife and treats her as a cash cow is easily in the 'beyond redemption' category.
Your real issue is do you want to face life as a single mother ? and what that means for you in terms like your housing (HDB?), and what positives he brings to your love life, if any.[/quote]

Maybe she is having Post Natal Blues !!. My guess both of them are Malaysian.
I would rather live as a single parent than having a spouse that is "good for nothing trash bag that really deserve the dumpster"
HDB and other material things you will get by when the tough gets going. At least you can assure you raise your child NOT following his father footstep if he is what he was said to be.
What can the worse be, if she is Malaysian , go back to M'sia, and get the extended family to support and try to get back on her feet.

utopia
Regular
Regular
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed, 03 Feb 2010

Re: Should i issue speperation deed or reconsider

Postby utopia » Fri, 05 Mar 2010 6:40 am

Mad Scientist wrote:Maybe she is having Post Natal Blues !!.

If so, all the more the douchebag should be pulling his weight.

Mad Scientist wrote:I would rather live as a single parent than having a spouse that is "good for nothing trash bag that really deserve the dumpster"


I concur, as far as I'm concerned, if you let someone threat you like trash once, you are inviting them to walk all over you perpetually.

But it's easy for me to say, because it's not me that is facing the harsh reality of single parenthood, and, at the risk of sounding sexist, I'm not a woman whose hormones, maternal instincts and emotional needs are all in conflict over this.

ling88
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed, 03 Feb 2010

Postby ling88 » Fri, 05 Mar 2010 9:24 am

his good point?

1. Before he engage he wun flirt gal infront me..
2. Promise to take care me n gal
3. Will care when i am sick (after engage never anymore)

Baby is 9mth old. Since beginning baby is my blood type he dun belive is his child even request to go DNA.

1. He will beat the baby using shooting his finget make baby cry

At home only know slp late late. Wake up expect got food to eat.
When i sick ask me go escape with him dont go say this and that. Buy 4D also want ask money. Keep aiming my pay day & baby bonus day.

Engage cos shot gun plus he promises to change to a better husband and baby father.

ling88
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed, 03 Feb 2010

Postby ling88 » Fri, 05 Mar 2010 9:32 am

- HDB issue we did not bought a flat as he no CPF i was staying with my mum as she helping me out with baby

- He only worry his family & himself in financially. If i and baby he den dun cr.

- His PSP is far more impt than me & baby

- His hobby smoking, gaming, do nothing asking for more n more money

- Baby see doctor i fork out but that month dun nid pay think deduct my medisave but the cash portion ask him buy 1 sys 7 quickpick the rest of money gone

- HP no money want take from me or lend from baby top-up

- AT my house do no contribution at all accept my mum will ask him go out with her help carry heavy thing as she with baby.

SO does he worth consider again? As now we seperation and he leave spore le. we both singaporean. He say everyting want sign wait him cum back den sign n say but duno wen he back.

ling88
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed, 03 Feb 2010

Postby ling88 » Fri, 05 Mar 2010 9:36 am

Ya 4get married end 08 lo.. till now..

he very demanding also if my mum cook not up 2 his standard he will ask me go out eat den i pay lo =(

utopia
Regular
Regular
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed, 03 Feb 2010

Postby utopia » Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:06 am

Reasons for keeping him:
1/ Warm your bed.
2/ Avoid the shame/stigma of being a single mother.
3/ Avoid the shame/stigma/bullying of your child growing up fatherless

Reasons for dumping him:
1/ too many to count - and plus sounds like he is more then happy to sign the separation whenever he's next back in town.

If you can overcome the 'Reasons for keeping him' you should dump all of his toys/clothes/shoes and put the in a black trash bag outside your mum's place. And change the locks of your mum's door.
Plus, in advance, line up a few friends who know friends who will be ready to 'dissuade' him from coming near you again.

It is money far better spent then topping up his HP, his gambling, his cigarettes, his trips to Malaysia.

My final view on this is, if you don't respect yourself, you can't seriously expect him (or any other person) to respect you.

User avatar
nakatago
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 8333
Joined: Tue, 01 Sep 2009
Location: Sister Margaret’s School for Wayward Children
Contact:

Postby nakatago » Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:14 am

utopia wrote:If you can overcome the 'Reasons for keeping him' you should dump all of his toys/clothes/shoes and put the in a black trash bag outside your mum's place.


No! They could be donated to charity so at least Deadbeat Dad can at least indirectly do something good to someone other than himself.

And @OP, that part of you that fell in love with him is telling you to at least give him a chance. But tthat part of you should also tell you to send him away because you loved him. He better live with the consequences of his selfishness so that he MAY have a chance at an epiphany and redeem himself. Alone.

And think about your kid. He's causing the child more harm than good.

ling88
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed, 03 Feb 2010

Postby ling88 » Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:15 am

haha.. FYI i alr dump his pillow his bear bear he use de his toothbrush..

And the other ting tt he left behind my hse all i dump it liao.. haha..

1. warm my bed? i dun nid him beside me..
2.I alr start miting all my fren again cos w him i kp at hm at hm at hm


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests