Hi to all and the creator of this thread. I am wondering if you are still with your Malay Muslim partner and if so, how are you tiptoeing around this whole conversion issue? Maybe we should be friends, all 4 of us, just a thought
Thankful for this thread to be honest. I am a Malay Muslim women recently proposed by my British partner when we went over to the UK for the Christmas celebration with his family (he is a PR in SG) . Happy, ecstatic and loved up. He is simply one of the greatest joys in life & I cannot ask for more.
Now, come the complicated part. I am a Muslim...yes, you predicted it, conversion issues. My fiancee will not convert to Islam and I whole-heartedly do not force him to do so. As a matter of fact, I've weighed this matter when we first started going out. Why should I force him to do things that he does not want to do (with the exception of washing dishes!) which may end up in greater complication in the future should he convert and hates it? it's a lie and goes against every grain of beliefs he holds truely to.
Perhaps a little backgrounder on me: I am not staunch but I was sent to Madrasah (Sunday school equivalent) when I was younger. I enjoy the occasional alcohol, I eat food which is not certified halal, I embrace homosexuality, etc ...everything that is seen as Haram in Islam. I do not eat pork however, due to hygiene reasons, but I do respect many forms of Islam teachings; I'll duly fast in Ramadhan to experience the hunger that the poor and starved feels, I'll be proper during Muslim proceedings, I try to pray but not every day or 5 times a day, I do whisper verses from the Koran for example "Alhamdulilah"(praise be to God) when good things happen... You get the idea. I pick and choose the ideologies in Islam that I believe in. I don't entirely agree with whole of Islam teachings but I respect and believe that Allah is real and that Muhammad is his lover (pls do not disrespect this). You get the picture, right? However, this is not known to my parents. So that's me.
However, if you have read this thread or you're a Muslim yourself, etc, you'll know what's expected. He has to convert else the women gets endless shit and .........
The issue: Parents. I simply have no idea how to put it across to them. That I accept my fiancee to not be a Muslim, that we will have a civil marriage (endorsing documents in ROM) but will merge both Malay and British wedding tradition together (the whole Nikah, mahr (hantaran in Malay, sort of like dowry, mas Nikah (I'm not sure the translation in English), that my kids will be taught Islam values (prayers, verses, anything that can partake to them) and the goodness of the world (my partner believes there is existence of God, but not a particular God or book or teachings). We have talked and discussed with each other on this.
The way I see it, it's going to be my parents who will receive backlash for "not bringing up kids the right way". I can take my passport and migrate but my parents will get the end of it. at the same time, understand it will be heartbreaking for them (my partner and I have once again discussed this) and there are slight chances I'll be ignored (to put it kindly) in the family. My mom will receive most of the shit, something that I'll be very sad to see.
I do not have many Malay Muslim friends who had inter-religious/faith wedding, with or without conversion. That may stem from my unusual view on Islam, that may seen me to be headed towards HELL in their opinion. Hence the lack of similar faith friends there.
Pry share with me, if you were or are in the similar situation, what did you do, how did you handle it etc. This is very much appreciated.