Singapore Expats Forum

Dating a Muslim girlfriend

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.

dazzlebabe
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 285
Joined: Wed, 15 Dec 2004
Location: Kuala Lumpur!

Postby dazzlebabe » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 10:05 am

I think it's your choice if you want to convert. You and your GF are already living in sin according to her religion. Are her parents relaxed or the strict muslim type?

I know of a couple (she muslim he english) and he (non believer) went through the courses, converted, changed his name (we still tease him) and their lifestyle has not changed!

They don't drink or eat pork when they are visiting her parents, lay low during ramadan (for her at least as she looks very muslim but without the headgear) and do the mandatory visits during Hari Raya asking for forgiveness visits.

She's happily in love, he treats her right and her family loves him for that!

If she loves you enough too, you don't have to go all the way to have the turtle neck removed. Altho I have heard it's... you know.... gives better ... you know.
Just me

DazzleBabe

User avatar
Bafana
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 1393
Joined: Sun, 11 Apr 2004
Location: Singapore

Postby Bafana » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 10:46 am

My wife is a Muslim and I am a Catholic. Our daughter is Catholic. According to her religion I should convert but according to mine she should, so who is right or wrong, which religion is more important.

In the end she came foward and said our children should follow their father and that we should each follow our own paths since true respect in a relationship applies to each others religions as well.

It makes for unusal menu orders when we go out or ordering pizza in, since my daughter and I can go a fried rice or mega meat pizza Aussie style, but she can't. Apart from that we have regular conversatiosn on her faith and mine which adds to the relationship rather than degrade it.

And before others can ask she is very religous even having gone to a Madras (spelling) School.
Be Like Water

User avatar
sundaymorningstaple
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 35179
Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004
Location: Still Fishing!
Contact:

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 12:03 pm

Mine's something similar. My wife is an OTT Catholic and I'm a Pagan! :mrgreen:

User avatar
guruvishwanath
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed, 03 Aug 2005
Location: Braddell
Contact:

Postby guruvishwanath » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 3:30 pm

Now, SMS! Why should I even appear to be surprised :-)

zodiac09
Regular
Regular
Posts: 53
Joined: Tue, 08 Sep 2009

Postby zodiac09 » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 3:56 pm

Actually, B-Y, you should be damn careful. In recent months there's been a crack-down in Sing on mixed race relationships [in the sense of occupying teh same premises and not being married]. A mate was VERY fortunate to escape jail on New Year's Eve in KL, when the hotel he was staying in, was raided by the cops. He managed to do some quick talking and even faster laying-out-of-cash to facilitate a dash down a dark alley with his girlfriend, before eveyone else was arrested !!

I've also heard that Sing cops here may investigate further if couples cannot produce marriage certificates, in the event of a hospitalisation. The example I'd heard was a traffic accidnet that left one person dead and two other seriously injured. They happened to be living-in-sin and now face much more serious charges. admitedly, I don't know these people, so I'm only recounting a third-hand story. Food for thought, tho....

Regarding religion, each to his own. Nuff said.

berkshire_yorkie
Member
Member
Posts: 28
Joined: Thu, 14 Jan 2010
Location: Bedok

Postby berkshire_yorkie » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 8:40 pm

guruvishwanath wrote:I have not personally experienced this. I have a few friends who have happily married, with kids living here. Spouses range from British, French, Spanish (I know, Spanish?). and Kiwi :-) They have been married in the range of 7 to 2 years. And still going strong! Wives are smart, hard working, good partners, great mothers and fantastic friends. Did I mention hard working? And I went for one of the weddings. There was a civil ceremony but they also had a nikah for which the invitation was printed and sent to us with the given name of the groom. All my buddies went through with it, despite some of their parents putting up a fuss, because they loved their g/f and now wives and they were willing to do what is needful.

Yes, you have to get a new name for the nikah. No, you dont have to follow the ritual post married unless you are planning to live in Middle East/Malaysia/Indonesia. More often than not, its the hinterland areas which might get you in pickle, but modern cities are crowded and chances of being harassed are less.

And its not a major chaotic challenge by the authorities here. If at all you get grief, it might from her parents. But then again, it depends on thier own outlook of life.

Good Luck!


Sorry not clear from your post if these friends are male?? Also are you saying they converted??
Never regret anything that made you smile

User avatar
adibahhhhhh
Member
Member
Posts: 31
Joined: Sat, 26 Sep 2009
Location: Singapore
Contact:

Postby adibahhhhhh » Sat, 16 Jan 2010 12:10 am

Hey berkshire_yorkie,

From Islam's point of view, you absolutely have to convert, i'm afraid. there's no way out. if you don't, and end up marrying the civil way, the harsh reality is that your girlfriend will be living in sin for the rest of her life. Islam won't recognise your marriage. for example, when you consummate the marriage or have kids, yours will not be born into Islam and thus, will be illegitimate in Islam's view.

If you do convert, it will seriously be stupid, converting just because of marriage/love. your heart and soul won't be in it, which defeats the purpose of even entering into a religion. however, never say never. who knows, in time, you might actually be swayed by Islam's teachings and commit to it.

I suggest you have a talk with your girlfriend, find out what she thinks of it. if you don't plan on converting at all, will she be able to accept the fact that she'll be living in sin and have illegitimate children? or does she not care? you have to factor in her parents' opinions as well. most malays are still a conservative lot and their parents won't be too ready to let their daughters stray further away from religion just because of a man. is she willing to risk her relations with her parents? will they be supportive?

if you're not ready to convert and commit, don't do it. you could try having a chat with her parents as well, see what they think and discuss your options. it's really up to your girlfriend though.

if she's okay with you not converting, then go for it. do it the civil way. just be careful when you're in certain parts of malaysia!

if she wants you to convert and you don't, well, what can you do. i have a friend who's dating this guy for 2 years who refuses to convert. although they know their relationship's going nowhere in terms of marriage, they're still together. my friend says she's only going to start weighing her options when she gets a lot older. oh well.

User avatar
durain
Director
Director
Posts: 3666
Joined: Thu, 23 Aug 2007
Location: Location: Location: Location:

Postby durain » Sat, 16 Jan 2010 12:35 am

adibahhhhhh wrote:Hey berkshire_yorkie,

From Islam's point of view, you absolutely have to convert, i'm afraid. there's no way out. if you don't, and end up marrying the civil way, the harsh reality is that your girlfriend will be living in sin for the rest of her life. Islam won't recognise your marriage. for example, when you consummate the marriage or have kids, yours will not be born into Islam and thus, will be illegitimate in Islam's view.

If you do convert, it will seriously be stupid, converting just because of marriage/love. your heart and soul won't be in it, which defeats the purpose of even entering into a religion. however, never say never. who knows, in time, you might actually be swayed by Islam's teachings and commit to it.

I suggest you have a talk with your girlfriend, find out what she thinks of it. if you don't plan on converting at all, will she be able to accept the fact that she'll be living in sin and have illegitimate children? or does she not care? you have to factor in her parents' opinions as well. most malays are still a conservative lot and their parents won't be too ready to let their daughters stray further away from religion just because of a man. is she willing to risk her relations with her parents? will they be supportive?

if you're not ready to convert and commit, don't do it. you could try having a chat with her parents as well, see what they think and discuss your options. it's really up to your girlfriend though.

if she's okay with you not converting, then go for it. do it the civil way. just be careful when you're in certain parts of malaysia!

if she wants you to convert and you don't, well, what can you do. i have a friend who's dating this guy for 2 years who refuses to convert. although they know their relationship's going nowhere in terms of marriage, they're still together. my friend says she's only going to start weighing her options when she gets a lot older. oh well.


hang on, the gf is living a life of sin anyway, so what different does it make?

AmadeusCho
Member
Member
Posts: 47
Joined: Wed, 09 Apr 2008

Postby AmadeusCho » Sat, 16 Jan 2010 7:57 am

My first landlords were a Norweigian man and his Malay wife. Never discussed religion with him, but he sure didnt look like he was a practicing muslim.

Used to have a Malay female coworker who said three of her girlfriends were dating or married white guys. None of the guys had to convert.

I think as long as you avoid being in the surrounding countries, and your wife is not too strict about you converting, you should be fine with getting more serious relationship wise.

User avatar
guruvishwanath
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed, 03 Aug 2005
Location: Braddell
Contact:

Postby guruvishwanath » Sat, 16 Jan 2010 10:32 pm

My buddy is male, French and his wife is Malay.

With regards to the Singapore cops asking for marriage cert in case of accident. That's, fortunately, a load of crock. KL? Yes! You have to be careful. Here? No. Accidents are looked at with the merit of the accident or crime and not based on relationship status. If that was the case, the Hotel 81 chain will never be able to survive in downtown areas. :-)

User avatar
ev-disinfection
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 459
Joined: Fri, 18 Dec 2009
Location: Singapore
Contact:

Postby ev-disinfection » Sun, 17 Jan 2010 12:59 am

Hey B_Y,
I am a Local chinese, my wife is a Indonesian muslim, we married (CIVIL) in Singapore, I am a free thinker, so my wife follows my believes.
Indonesians are much more relaxed, so no issue for me.

When a girl is younger, they have to listen to their parents,
When she gets married, she will listen and follow her husband.
The parents will say no to you not converting is because of "Face"

User avatar
durain
Director
Director
Posts: 3666
Joined: Thu, 23 Aug 2007
Location: Location: Location: Location:

Postby durain » Sun, 17 Jan 2010 10:13 am

excellent terence. i see you didnt change your name to mohammad yap either :wink: .

the saving face is so true. even if the parents of the girl knows she will be happy with a non-muslim, it is the pressure/gossip of other muslim talking/moaning/sibuk about their daughter sinful act.

i got no problems going to JB or KL with my wife. quite shiok actually, everyone envy us.

ok, we off for bak kut tea for breakfast :D . nice.

User avatar
ev-disinfection
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 459
Joined: Fri, 18 Dec 2009
Location: Singapore
Contact:

Postby ev-disinfection » Sun, 17 Jan 2010 4:01 pm

I love Durain.....er, i mean i like what Durain said...

But the main question is who should you marry,

Well, a wise guy once told me, err, i mean a wise man once told me,
he said, there is only 2 thing that you must consider before getting married...

1, Marry only if you want to have kids.

2, Marry the one who loves you more than you love him / her.

Comments please.....

(PS: my wife loves bak kut teh too, we should gather for a bak kut teh meet up)

mrHomeLook
Member
Member
Posts: 34
Joined: Thu, 03 Dec 2009

Postby mrHomeLook » Mon, 18 Jan 2010 11:02 am

live life to the fullest. dont let things like religion and race get in the way. Singapore is pretty open to mixed relationships and marriages. just love her and marry her due to your feelings for her and not the religion. all will be fine if you two can stick together through thick, thin and everything in between
MR HomeLook

mondaymorningquarterback
Regular
Regular
Posts: 113
Joined: Fri, 07 Dec 2007

Postby mondaymorningquarterback » Mon, 18 Jan 2010 11:12 am

You are not the first couple with this issue. Every relationship is unique. Why dont you have a heart to heart w ur sweetheart and I'm sure if theres love this will not be much of an issue. I would think she is not set on her cultural/religious practices shes dating an angmo for christ sakes.


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests