Sorry not clear from your post if these friends are male?? Also are you saying they converted??guruvishwanath wrote:I have not personally experienced this. I have a few friends who have happily married, with kids living here. Spouses range from British, French, Spanish (I know, Spanish?). and KiwiThey have been married in the range of 7 to 2 years. And still going strong! Wives are smart, hard working, good partners, great mothers and fantastic friends. Did I mention hard working? And I went for one of the weddings. There was a civil ceremony but they also had a nikah for which the invitation was printed and sent to us with the given name of the groom. All my buddies went through with it, despite some of their parents putting up a fuss, because they loved their g/f and now wives and they were willing to do what is needful.
Yes, you have to get a new name for the nikah. No, you dont have to follow the ritual post married unless you are planning to live in Middle East/Malaysia/Indonesia. More often than not, its the hinterland areas which might get you in pickle, but modern cities are crowded and chances of being harassed are less.
And its not a major chaotic challenge by the authorities here. If at all you get grief, it might from her parents. But then again, it depends on thier own outlook of life.
Good Luck!
hang on, the gf is living a life of sin anyway, so what different does it make?adibahhhhhh wrote:Hey berkshire_yorkie,
From Islam's point of view, you absolutely have to convert, i'm afraid. there's no way out. if you don't, and end up marrying the civil way, the harsh reality is that your girlfriend will be living in sin for the rest of her life. Islam won't recognise your marriage. for example, when you consummate the marriage or have kids, yours will not be born into Islam and thus, will be illegitimate in Islam's view.
If you do convert, it will seriously be stupid, converting just because of marriage/love. your heart and soul won't be in it, which defeats the purpose of even entering into a religion. however, never say never. who knows, in time, you might actually be swayed by Islam's teachings and commit to it.
I suggest you have a talk with your girlfriend, find out what she thinks of it. if you don't plan on converting at all, will she be able to accept the fact that she'll be living in sin and have illegitimate children? or does she not care? you have to factor in her parents' opinions as well. most malays are still a conservative lot and their parents won't be too ready to let their daughters stray further away from religion just because of a man. is she willing to risk her relations with her parents? will they be supportive?
if you're not ready to convert and commit, don't do it. you could try having a chat with her parents as well, see what they think and discuss your options. it's really up to your girlfriend though.
if she's okay with you not converting, then go for it. do it the civil way. just be careful when you're in certain parts of malaysia!
if she wants you to convert and you don't, well, what can you do. i have a friend who's dating this guy for 2 years who refuses to convert. although they know their relationship's going nowhere in terms of marriage, they're still together. my friend says she's only going to start weighing her options when she gets a lot older. oh well.
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