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Dating a Muslim girlfriend

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berkshire_yorkie
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Dating a Muslim girlfriend

Postby berkshire_yorkie » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 8:25 pm

Hi,

New to the forum so please go easy on me if I've inadvertantly breached protocol etc

Guess the title says it all. Been seeing a "Modern Malay"/Muslim lady (lcoal Singaporean) for nearly 1.5 years and it's starting to get pretty serious. I'm not blind to a lot of the obvious problems; specifically about religion and whether I convert. I have nothing against Islam (or any other religion) - each to their own is my standpoint. Just my personal view is that there is no God and that's why I'm an aetheist. As I say personal view, and not one that I would discuss or attempt to foist, on any-one else.

I suspect Singapore is a lot more tolerant of such relationships than many places - I know we couldn't be together in Malaysia for instance without me converting. As a couple we've not yet experienced any problems, and that includes on our forays into Malaysia. My girlfriend does have one friend who married a Mat Salleh that didn't convert, unfortunately it didn't work out very well (but for other reasons), which hardly helps!.

The obvious option is to go through with a conversion for the sake of outward appearances and do the bare minimum to maintain this position; I've heard that people do it, but whilst pragmatic, it's also being dishonest to one's self.

Any-one got any experience, advice, pointers. Happy to receive a PM if you don't want to disuss in an open forum.

Thanks
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Postby durain » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 8:40 pm

personally, i dont believe in the conversion will make it a better marriage. you are marrying her, not the religion and she should take you as you are. what if you are a jew or jehovah's witness? will she convert? got to work both way...

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Postby therat » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 9:14 pm

Marry a Muslim.
U need to convert.

Name need to change to Muslim name too.

So far, I never see an exception.

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Postby durain » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 9:19 pm

therat wrote:Marry a Muslim.
U need to convert.

Name need to change to Muslim name too.

So far, I never see an exception.


says who? you see my name as mohammad???

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Postby therat » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 9:20 pm

durain wrote:
therat wrote:Marry a Muslim.
U need to convert.

Name need to change to Muslim name too.

So far, I never see an exception.


says who? you see my name as mohammad???


refer to TS

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 10:30 pm

therat,

Just so you don't keep.......

Image

You might want to consider that if a Muslim girl marries in the US, the husband doesn't have to convert. Or for that matter, most countries. It's only in Muslim countries and places like Singapore that are surrounded by Muslim countries that require it. Sure their mosque may require it, but by civil law they can still get married.

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Postby nakatago » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 10:35 pm

If you're converting just to take the easy way out, don't. On the pragmatic side, you're atheist and you're not willing to give that up. Islam is a strict religion. You wouldn't be able to put up with all the practices in Islam that would allow you to keep up appearances, without going nuts.

On principle, will you be able to live with yourself living a lie?

On the other hand, if you don't convert and your girlfriend stays with you, your girlfriend will be committing a crime. Can you live with that? She could convert out of Islam but will she? However, you could both convert to other religions (Catholicism? Buddhism?).

Just throwing my ideas in there... :-|

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Postby SGBoyxxx » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 11:12 pm

no pork for you

next everyday pray 5 times

friday afternoon go mosque

next sometimes go reiligous class .

and ur dick ..have to

ya I believe many of us know .:) Islam is strict .

well in fact I have malays collegues do gamble and didn;t fast ..during fasting month

they are puffing ..in fact during fasting month also cannot smoke during the day .

well I believe as long your heart is pure and good.
diet or rules set can be forgive

God still wil be blessing you since you are good.

but if you are evil , but follow all the rules..ect

Do you think the God will bless you ?

berkshire_yorkie
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Postby berkshire_yorkie » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 11:30 pm

nakatago wrote:On the pragmatic side, you're atheist and you're not willing to give that up.



It's not so much what I'm willing to give up or not, I can't really help what I happen to believe - but I have read that some folks have converted "for convenience" and I'm interested to know what their experience has been.

nakatago wrote:On the pragmatic side, you're atheist and you're not willing to give that up.

On the other hand, if you don't convert and your girlfriend stays with you, your girlfriend will be committing a crime. Can you live with that? :-|


As for the crime element of it - I know that she would be violating Islamic rules by marrying a non-Muslim. I also know that in Malaysia this would be considered a criminal act as well. I don't know what the position in Singapore is. Would this be considered a criminal act for her or for both of us or would it amount "only" to a breach of Islamic rules.


nakatago wrote: if you don't convert and your girlfriend stays with you, your girlfriend will be committing a crime. Can you live with that? :-|


Extremely good point and I would find it very difficult to consider putting her in that possition. Again I wonder how others in a similar situation have faced this issue?
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Postby berkshire_yorkie » Thu, 14 Jan 2010 11:40 pm

SGBoyxxx wrote:no pork for you


That's ok can live without. Won't stop drinking though but my gf enjoys the occasional sip as well 8-)

SGBoyxxx wrote:and ur dick ..have to

Out of the question!!! (but I also read non necessary if already an adult)

And I also know some Malays who puff, and who eat during Ramadan. They can get away with it in Singapore, but in Malaysia sure would be getting rounded up....
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Postby durain » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 12:13 am

aiya... just stay as you are and khawin the darn girl. what's the point of converting when you two gonna be doing haram stuff. live your life as you like it, not how people want you to.

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Postby EADG » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 12:31 am

SGB, you have some of the coolest posts I've seen on this forum, keep them coming.
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Postby guruvishwanath » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 1:35 am

I have not personally experienced this. I have a few friends who have happily married, with kids living here. Spouses range from British, French, Spanish (I know, Spanish?). and Kiwi :-) They have been married in the range of 7 to 2 years. And still going strong! Wives are smart, hard working, good partners, great mothers and fantastic friends. Did I mention hard working? And I went for one of the weddings. There was a civil ceremony but they also had a nikah for which the invitation was printed and sent to us with the given name of the groom. All my buddies went through with it, despite some of their parents putting up a fuss, because they loved their g/f and now wives and they were willing to do what is needful.

Yes, you have to get a new name for the nikah. No, you dont have to follow the ritual post married unless you are planning to live in Middle East/Malaysia/Indonesia. More often than not, its the hinterland areas which might get you in pickle, but modern cities are crowded and chances of being harassed are less.

And its not a major chaotic challenge by the authorities here. If at all you get grief, it might from her parents. But then again, it depends on thier own outlook of life.

Good Luck!

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Postby therat » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 9:39 am

My cousin marry a singaporean Malay wife.
He has to change his name.
Convert to Islam
Practise their way.
Attend course (don't remember what is that)
Before they can married at the Registry of Muslim Marriages.

His parent so angry that refused to attend their wedding

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Postby nakatago » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 9:47 am

well, that just makes things even more complicated for OP doesn't it?


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