Women Charter in Singapore

[Problem_Dan]

Good day to all Singaporean and expats. I'm a newbie here. So sorry that my first posting is a case that pertaining to the family law of Singapore and I believe someone here can offer me some sound advice.

My GF of 2.5 yrs is a divorcee (married & divorced in Singapore). Both her and her ex husband are none Singapore residents and they have 2 kids age 12 & 10. My GF was very shafted by her ex and was extremely short-changed in every imaginable way after the divorced but she is slowly picking up the pieces. I wish I could elaborate further as to how she got to this point of being financially crippled by her ex and how threatened she was by him...its such a painful long story.

The problem started about 2 months ago when my GF was informed by her ex that he and kids are leaving Singapore come year end. My GF was shocked with this decision he made without consulting her (joint custody 50/50) and he arrogantly told her that it was none of her biz what he does with his kids (although the kids, both girls are not keen to go to this country known for it notorious winter). MY GF then tried on numerous occasion trying to reason with her ex but to no avail. So when the push comes to shove, she consulted a Singapore lawyer and have managed to file through to the the court to stop the children from leaving until the matter of matrimonial assets division and interest of children are resolved before the judge.

My question is, is there anything the ex can do via the legal system to prevent such court order? What we knew was he had every intention of doing a runner with the kids. Appreciate any and every comment. Thank you.

[ksl]

Of course the ex is allowed to voice is opinion to try to discredit the other half as a bad parent. If the female has the custody now, and there have been no social issues with the authority, it is highly unlikely the husand will win custody.

The children may also be interviewed and their wishes considered. 9 out of 10 times the courts will be on the side of the one remaining in Singapore, not to disrupt the childrens education.

It doesn't make any sense to say the wife as been shafted, the courts in Singapore are generally very fair in their judgement and this is the home of the children now.

[Problem_Dan]

I totally agree with you. So what you're saying is, discrediting the other parent or digging out dirt is the only thing he can do to fight this argument?

My GF was indeed very shafted (financially) ever since the divorced and was living in constant threat from her ex(emotionally). His famous blackmailing phrase would be, "if you don't like it then I'd get myself fired from my job and see you in court back in whatever country. This fella in my opinion is low, cunning and has been hiding behind his kids using them as ammunition to his dictatorship. So the blackmailing and bullying must stop now and that's what this legal intervention is all about.

I find some comfort in you opinion but still, I have my reservations in what fairness and justice truly represents. Hope and faith is what we have right now to keep us going.

[ksl]

I totally agree with you. So what you're saying is, discrediting the other parent or digging out dirt is the only thing he can do to fight this argument?

My GF was indeed very shafted (financially) ever since the divorced and was living in constant threat from her ex(emotionally). His famous blackmailing phrase would be, "if you don't like it then I'd get myself fired from my job and see you in court back in whatever country. This fella in my opinion is low, cunning and has been hiding behind his kids using them as ammunition to his dictatorship. So the blackmailing and bullying must stop now and that's what this legal intervention is all about.

I find some comfort in you opinion but still, I have my reservations in what fairness and justice truly represents. Hope and faith is what we have right now to keep us going.

The guy doesn't have a chance in hell of getting custody, unless the mother is a bad mother, and providing she doesn't marry again, the ex husband will have to pay what the court determines to be enough for the children and his ex wife.

There are set guidlines, though here in Singapore, if the guy loses his job, the ex wife will have a problem...because this is not a welfare state. In UK the social would pay the money and jail the ex for 6 weeks at a time until the debt is paid.

I think it's better to try and smooth things over with the ex, meet him half way, lawyers make the problem worse by dragging it out, because they are getting paid to win for their client.

Though the husband can only dig up dirt to discredit, but he must also prove what he says, otherwise it's only accusation. Try to come to an agreement, that will not financially cripple the guy, he must pay for the ex and kids until she remarries, but it will not be to her advantage if he is asked to pay more than what he can afford.

She can work just like he can, so the kids need looking after is first priority. The reasons behind the divorce is the problem for not working together one is blaming the other for failure, so their is a lot of bitterness involved.

Rest assured the guy cannot win and the emotional blackmail, is probably just the frustration the guy is having, because he knows he cannot win.

Its kind of like bullying a person to stay married, when there is no love or equal emotion for eachother, this is what school kids go through all the time, and some just do not grow up, they have to learn the hard painful truth, that this is life, it's like a roller coaster, with no guarantees of living happy ever after!

If she is feeling the intimidation from her ex, she must have an injunction set against him, it's that simple...There should be no communication if he is resorting to emotional blackmail, so look into the injunction as a last resort. This will also go against him in a court of law of being unreasonable

fairness and justice

Will be what is best for the Children not the wife or ex hubby! So i would think it obvious that uprooting the children, would be detrimental to their health and development.

[Problem_Dan]

I value your unbiased opinion from the perspective of both parent.

I too wished that the two can be amicable when discussing matters that's pertaining to the well-being of the children...but unfortunately its rather difficult when one party is constantly exercising the 'threatening method' on the meeting table. This person is a dictator and a control-freak, so meeting halfway has never been an option...not during her married years nor will it ever happen after the dirvorced in my opinion.

Funny you mentioned about crippling him financially in this legal battle. My GF was the foolish one (in retrospect) during the divorce where she took nothing and asked nothing from him other than a simple rental assistance of no more than 3k a month just so that she could provide some form of stability and continuity for the kids when she have them over. Even this was not fulfilled over the last 2 years and every month there must be an argument that take place before the rental assistance is reluctantly given and mind you this person as an expat, makes more than 30k a month. My GF when married had to give up her job to be a full time mom to two girls and now after a decade she has to work to keep her own children with no assistance from ex is simply not an easy task. My GF is not afraid of working, in fact she is very good at what she is doing and happy doing it. She has single-handedly supported the children whenever she has them (each parent gets one week with kids) for the past 2 years all just so that she can be with her kids during their growing years.

This legal action is about 2 issues:
1. him wanting to uproot the kids without consenting her and without a proper parenting plan.
2. for him to pay up whatever that is due to her ever since the divorced.

We do not wish anything bad upon the ex, in fact I personally blessed that he live forever, longer than me and GF. Bitterness yes. Animosity none. Like what every divorced parent would want is to offer what's best for their children. Why should the children suffer for the mistake made by the adults.

[ksl]

The wife can recall him to court anytime, to apply for an increase in alimony, and by the sound of it she needs to do that now.

It would be worth having a good solicitor, if he's on 30k a month, she should at least be looked after in a reasonable way.

Though if he left Singapore, and didn't pay, it would be very difficult.
This could happen so it is worth bringing this matter up, maybe apply for a lump sum payment in the childrens names.

I'm no legal advisor, though i would suspect it to be a good idea, to convince the court that the kids risk loosing, support if the father skips the Country. The court will look at all his assets, and award her a share no doubt. Doesn't matter that she asked for nothing.....it's her right to claim so convince her to shoot for the stars, maybe she will land on the moon, with 5 or 6k a month.

[Problem_Dan]

Hi ksl, thank you for your support.

We have had enough of this 'cloak and dagger' situation over this past 2 years and we can't wait to close out on this chapter.

We have acted on some of those areas that you're suggesting and we can only hope that the judge will agree with us. After all, it isn't our intention to rob him but to remind him of his responsibility and to do the right thing for the children.

Frankly speaking, we just can't wait for him to leave Singapore as no one here should ever have to deal with such character.

However, I'd like to hear more from individuals whom are in the similar situation or with relevant legal experience in hope to strengthen our case.