The Last Person To Post Wins...

[josephinemoell]

it's me!

[JR8]

it's me!

Tick tock...

[Mi Amigo]

Shame Lynx, it has been removed from YT

Don't worry I've found another one (apparently it is so POPULAR, a lot of Turkish uploaded it)

http://youtu.be/NrlIK_ArzeM

Looks like a 'Before They Were Famous' clip for Rowan Atkinson. Well, more precisely, Mr Bean. And how on earth is he going to get those stubborn fake blood stains out of his tasteful roll-neck jersey?

it's me!

I'd have to say... Prove it!

[x9200]

[nakatago]

Now, for something completely different:

[sundaymorningstaple]

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling herboobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirtyseconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.

"Come on, what day was I born"?





















I said, “Yesterday."

[JR8]

' Money can't buy friends, but you do get a better class of enemy. '
- Spike Milligan

[nutnut]

Auto Corrects

These are the funniest I've seen in a while.

Old one but a good one!

[sundaymorningstaple]

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington , DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?”

[Sergei82]

Gorilla escaped from zoo.
One guy wakes up in the morning, looks in the window and suddenly discovers a gorilla sitting on a tree and staring at him. Scared, he called zoo. Within an hour a person from zoo arrived with a rifle and a tiny dog on a leash.
1st dude to zoo guy: - Why your dog is so small? What can it do to such a huge gorilla?
Zoo guy to the 1st dude: - Don't worry. His name is Alberto and he is very experienced. Here - take the rifle. I'm going to climb the tree and shake it. Gorilla will fall down. Alberto will bite its testicles and hold it very tight. While gorilla is frozen, I will go down and tie it.
- But why do I need the rifle.
- That is in case I accidentally fall down from the tree instead of gorilla. In that case YOU MUST IMMEDIATELY SHOOT ALBERTO!

[Sergei82]

2 crocodiles are swimming along the river, they see a monkey on the shore, so they think: lets ask her if she is married. If she says yes, we will say: "What idiot got married with such a broad?!" If she says no, we will say: "And who is gonna marry such a whore like u?!" So they ask:
- Monkey, are u married?
- You try to get married when only freaking crocodiles are around!

[sundaymorningstaple]

The Little Red Hen - 2013 Version

"Who will help me plant my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself." She planted her crop and the wheat grew and ripened.
"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.
"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.
"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.
"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.
"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.
She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see.
They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share but the little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."
"Excess profits!" cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)
"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)
"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)
The pig just grunted in disdain. (Harry Reid)
And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.
Then the farmer (Obama) came. He said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."
"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.
"Exactly," said Barack the farmer. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful.
Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle."
And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand." But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free.
And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established. Individual initiative had died but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared, so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for.??

EPILOGUE
Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.
Hillary got $8 million for hers.
That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.
IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT.?

[Sergei82]

The Little Red Hen...
IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT.?

This is USSR, collective farming. Been there, know that, didn't work.
As we say: one with a sickle, seven with spoons.

[sundaymorningstaple]

We are going to be the USSA at the rate things are going.

[JR8]

You've both read Ayn Rand's 'Atlas shrugged' I take it... ?