I like the gymnasts metaphor, it fits real well to the whole idea of time & compromisation.taxico wrote:like gymnasts who get more bendy over time with training, so does the leeway between a couple in a relationship.but certain things are less flexible than others. hence i advocate time for both to find out what they are.
I totally agree with you! I understand that he really wants to start a family soon. I do want to but I'm concerned that his decision can be an impulsive one as it won't bring anyone any good later on. I've tried to rationalise things with him to take it slow as marriage is a big decision and commitment to take upon. To be realistic, any lady would want to start a family with a nice, great and responsible gentleman. But, this is not 1-2 years commitment, it's a lifelong commitment.taxico wrote:if neither you nor your gentleman are in any real rush to get married right now, why bother with the whole religion shebang?
However, each time when we're out together, he will always raise the religion issue. Most of the time, it ended with a tension. I have run out with techniques to calm him and assuring him that I ain't meddling his heart. I mean; he can read how genuine I am through our conversations and those times we've spent. He seems to be thinking that I am this Asian girl who just wants to spend fun time together with a Caucasian guy and when he needs to leave Singapore, I'll just back off. That is so wrong!! (it's so against my nature & values!) If I am taking this lightly, I would not be in this forum, seeking for advices and do read-ups in the internet and from the libraries with the hope of understanding his concern and to better manage his worries.
He is also wondering why can't I date with Muslim guys instead. I've already discussed with him that I did date several before, many whom I've dated, I soon found out that either they're already attached, married and have idealistic expectation of a perfect Muslim lady. Well, I am not a perfect Muslim lady, so there's no connection I have with them. I'm not pious but I'm just a simple Muslim lady who carries out the basic necessities that a Muslim must do. E.g simple actions like, I don't club nor drink. For me, it's the sincerity one has in heart to fulfill it then it's a true faith towards a belief. Not just carrying it out as it's expected by the society or it's deemed respectable and deserving to be labelled as a true Muslim. Furthermore, the good Muslim guys mostly in Singapore would have already started a family of their own. Many of them married at their early or mid twenties. Malay/Muslim ladies of my age are really so rare to be found single. I really can't think of any ideas to convince him why I dated him for this long..not sure what's running in his head.
With regards to his idea of this cross-culture and cross-religion mentality, he somehow made me feel very conscious of my religion. As a matter of fact, a few days back, a Caucasian asked me out for a date and I've to practically remind him that I'm a Muslim as I do not want to despair him upon the meet up later on. However, I'm glad that he claimed he understood it as he saw my religion status in my profile.
Sorry if it got off track a little, I just feel like pouring out my feelings over this issue...
Taxico, I must agree with you on this. I would say wise sacrifices to be made though after analysing the circumstances.taxico wrote:you should never be too quick to sacrifice everything you've got... not yet, anyway. you'll want some wiggle room down the road.