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by ksl » Wed, 22 Jul 2009 3:21 am
Being an ex squaddie at 60 and only married the last 9 years, I get to see it from my child point of view! She being only 8 and me taking more due care and attention about my daughters needs, rather than my life. However my wife also comes into the equation and I vowed to sacrifice my life for marriage.
My daughter was born in Taiwan, and is automatically a british citizen, although i have more respect for a foreign culture than my own, that is sad, but true. I have grown up watching society destroy itself, and gone are the days, of open doors and the sense of belonging to a community.
My daughter misses Taiwan very much, she misses her grandparents, I believe the education is also better, although that is not a problem, because my daughter is adequately more advanced at a cost. My belief is that she may well be endowed with an understanding of culture, and the differences in culture, I find that more rewarding than anything else.
In these days, its easy with internet, video cameras and voip, no such luck in our old day, when we didn't have a choice, The US citizens being forced away from their home life, for vietnam, many never to be returned, just like today in the Middle East...do you think these kids have a choice? They do not! In most civvy worlds, these kids are never even given a thought, and yet the same questions repeat themselves every year.
Of course harm is done, but do parents care, about the thoughts of children, parents or inlaws, when life is about making money, or adventure and not defending the Country, let others do that. I think to be away from the people you love is a traumatic effect, it can never be replaced, adults handle it the best way they can, children too, although i think children never have the same feelings again ever, for their missed ones, because they cannot relate to the experience, because of memory and growing. It is sad, but travel and experience may also have it's benefits.
I think the importance is in the closeness of the family and the need to make the move a positive experience of learning, and to be involved with the children growth, rather than the adult experience of partying, I know both can happen because i have also seen the neglect. My wife's parents used to come every year, until last year, then all hell lets loose, because death is calling us all, how do we handle it?
Not easy I can tell you that, death is a slow and very expensive process if you cannot afford it, a lot of crying is done, children miss their grandparents, and work must also carry on, even worse if two parents fall ill and a husband too, it happened to me after my heart attack, and i pondered over my wife's situation for many months, putting the inlaws first before my own life.
I found it quite amazing that one could be less than a few days away from death, riddled from cancer, old age late 80's and 3 months in intensive care, could ever be discharged. I cancelled my heart op 3 times because of my wife not being able to cope and many said i was an idiot.
Maybe maybe not, my faith was only in god, and I'm not a religious person, but i have no other to pray too when i am feeling close to death, not even my wife could help. The sadness i feel that I may miss my child growing up, the sadness i feel that my in laws are so ill, and the sadness I feel that my wife is suffering every day, and must continue her work, or lose everything, is nothing new, in Asia.
Although I do prioritise life and family before myself, the rest is in the hands of god, whoever he, she or it may be. Singapore brings me closer to the worlds people than any other Country and I'm happy for that, and i know my child and wife is also happy with that experience, even though we do not like Singapore as a Country so much, we are here for a reason and it appears, its to help those that need it, and to be close to the wife's family too with Taiwan being only 4.5 hrs a way.
I count myself lucky, when I have to look at all the less fortunate people, riding in the back of trucks, who cares about them, I wonder!
We must follow the path, that our destiny, plans for us and deal with the problems on the way, for those that are very happy because they have not yet experienced the problems of life, I can only say, get prepared, nobody escapes fate, death or destruction unless they are born lucky. How many lottery ticket winners are there out of the worlds population?
