Singapore Expats Forum

stay in touch with his ex

A moderated forum for serious discussions only.
summer wawa
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed, 08 Jul 2009

stay in touch with his ex

Postby summer wawa » Wed, 08 Jul 2009 2:54 pm

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and we are going very well and rare have any argument except talking about his ex-girlfriends. What bothering me are he still keeps their email, telephone and added them on face book. If you were I, would you ask him to delete them all? Nevertheless, I do not want to act too controlling. What can I do?

I felt very uncomfortable deep inside my heart. He said he no longer chat/stay in touch with his EXs. If so, why not delete them all? Whenever I bring up this topic and he will say I do not trust him?

I have no clue what's guy's thinking?

User avatar
sundaymorningstaple
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 35175
Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004
Location: Still Fishing!
Contact:

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 08 Jul 2009 3:43 pm

He's probably wondering why you are posting on a Singapore Forum with a Hong Kong IP address. He probably thinks you also have something on the side.

moderator

dazzlebabe
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 285
Joined: Wed, 15 Dec 2004
Location: Kuala Lumpur!

Postby dazzlebabe » Wed, 08 Jul 2009 4:45 pm

Ayoh Mod! So suspicious of people.

1) Ex should remain that way... as an EX. Or else he should get axed. Get it? Get it? hur hur hur.

P.s Maybe OP is trying to sell axes? or axe oil?
Just me

DazzleBabe

User avatar
road.not.taken
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1293
Joined: Sat, 06 Oct 2007

Postby road.not.taken » Wed, 08 Jul 2009 6:55 pm

If you are uncomfortable with him keeping in contact with his ex-girlfriends strictly as friends then you need to ask yourself why you have insecurities about this. Insecurity and jealosy are gigantic turn offs and will most likely end your relationship with your boyfriend before old friendships will.

dazzlebabe: you sound mightly suspicious since you assume he has to sever all ties with his exes.

summer wawa: sure sounds like you don't trust him...

User avatar
Saint
Director
Director
Posts: 3535
Joined: Thu, 16 Jun 2005
Location: The Juban Stand, Boat Quay
Contact:

Postby Saint » Wed, 08 Jul 2009 7:14 pm

I'm still good friends with a couple of my Ex's, one of them went on to marry my best mate and I was his Best Man at their wedding. Now that was an interesting Best Man's speech!!

User avatar
carteki
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1237
Joined: Mon, 28 Apr 2008
Location: Singapore
Contact:

Re: stay in touch with his ex

Postby carteki » Wed, 08 Jul 2009 8:45 pm

summer wawa wrote:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and we are going very well and rare have any argument except talking about his ex-girlfriends. What bothering me are he still keeps their email, telephone and added them on face book. If you were I, would you ask him to delete them all? Nevertheless, I do not want to act too controlling. What can I do?

I felt very uncomfortable deep inside my heart. He said he no longer chat/stay in touch with his EXs. If so, why not delete them all? Whenever I bring up this topic and he will say I do not trust him?

I have no clue what's guy's thinking?


If you mean that much to him and you are really uncomfortable with it, then I would think that he should do as you ask. As he says - he's no longer in contact with them, it should be no hardship. At the moment he's given you no reason to trust that what he says is true by defending his right to maintain these friendships.

You can't make the decision for him. All you can do is decide whether you're happy with the status quo and if you're not are you going to leave or live with it?

irvine
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 312
Joined: Mon, 15 Dec 2008

Postby irvine » Wed, 02 Sep 2009 5:21 pm

Do you keep in contact with any of your exes? If yes, how do you feel about that if he finds out, and what do you tell him?

I guess sometimes people still cherish the friendship s/he had and would remain in touch. Personal insecurities are very real and you may want to ask yourself why you feel that way. Do you feel threatened in anyway? Could you think of the things he does that shows his love for you?

If a significant other still keep in close contact with his/her ex, such as talking on the phone a lot, or private message or email a lot, then it signals some red light. Else, an occassional 'hi how have you been?' is fine.

User avatar
sassy5
Regular
Regular
Posts: 86
Joined: Tue, 28 Jul 2009
Location: Singapore

Postby sassy5 » Wed, 02 Sep 2009 5:24 pm

i dont think there is anything wrong keepin in touch with exes. it can be jus platonic... i guess u may have to deal with ur own issues of trust with him. :)

smayrhofer
Regular
Regular
Posts: 142
Joined: Tue, 02 Dec 2008
Location: Singapore

Postby smayrhofer » Tue, 13 Oct 2009 1:38 pm

I've never deleted anyone from my Facebook. My exes might still be on my facebook. I should probably check if they have deleted me! haha... the point being that just because your bf has his exes on his facebook doesn't mean he actually ever talks to them or looks at their profile or anything.

mondaymorningquarterback
Regular
Regular
Posts: 113
Joined: Fri, 07 Dec 2007

Re: stay in touch with his ex

Postby mondaymorningquarterback » Thu, 15 Oct 2009 11:07 am

summer wawa wrote:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and we are going very well and rare have any argument except talking about his ex-girlfriends. What bothering me are he still keeps their email, telephone and added them on face book. If you were I, would you ask him to delete them all? Nevertheless, I do not want to act too controlling. What can I do?

I felt very uncomfortable deep inside my heart. He said he no longer chat/stay in touch with his EXs. If so, why not delete them all? Whenever I bring up this topic and he will say I do not trust him?

I have no clue what's guy's thinking?


Bless your insecure heart. Its not a big deal. I keep all my ex's numbers but it doesnt mean anything. We've had good friendship in the past.

craigie_bear
Member
Member
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed, 30 Sep 2009

Postby craigie_bear » Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:26 am

smayrhofer wrote:I've never deleted anyone from my Facebook. My exes might still be on my facebook. I should probably check if they have deleted me! haha... the point being that just because your bf has his exes on his facebook doesn't mean he actually ever talks to them or looks at their profile or anything.


no they are probably insecure and accepted their friend requests so not to upset them, well thats what i do

mschan
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun, 20 Dec 2009
Location: Singapore

Postby mschan » Mon, 21 Dec 2009 10:41 pm

Hi,
I don't see anything wrong if your bf still has his ex-girlfriends on his facebook. You see, I also keep my ex-boyfriends' name, pictures, email add and other contact details on my facebook. Once in a while I keep in touch with them but it doesn't mean anything more than what we are. We have kept ourselves as friends despite of the failure of our relationship. So for your boyfriend, I guess you just have to trust him that he is true and loyal to you. If you see that he treats you differently already then you have reason to be suspicious. But if he treats you really nice as his girlfriend, then you don't need to worry about those ex-gfs he had.
Life is what you make it.

User avatar
ksl
Governor
Governor
Posts: 6005
Joined: Mon, 19 Jul 2004
Location: Singapore
Contact:

Postby ksl » Tue, 29 Dec 2009 6:18 pm

Some people take longer to mature it seems!

by the way, it's nobodies business what the other one is doing, one needs to respect eachothers privacy, it appears insecurity is the problem, work on yourself!

User avatar
SunWuKong
Regular
Regular
Posts: 139
Joined: Tue, 08 Sep 2009
Location: Sengkang
Contact:

Postby SunWuKong » Sat, 27 Mar 2010 8:00 am

KSL has already said it, but I'd like to reiterate the sentiment more crassly, if that is possible :digging: :)

Rein any self respecting horse too tightly and it will buck up; and horses are far easier to keep than humans.

The secret to a good relationship is that both parties feel like they live without restriction. By restricting your partner in what they obviously want to do, you are slowly and ironically destroying what you love.
The nature of Monkey was ... irrepressible!

User avatar
$Pripps
Member
Member
Posts: 47
Joined: Wed, 24 Mar 2010

Re: stay in touch with his ex

Postby $Pripps » Tue, 30 Mar 2010 9:00 am

summer wawa wrote:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and we are going very well and rare have any argument except talking about his ex-girlfriends. What bothering me are he still keeps their email, telephone and added them on face book. If you were I, would you ask him to delete them all? Nevertheless, I do not want to act too controlling. What can I do?

I felt very uncomfortable deep inside my heart. He said he no longer chat/stay in touch with his EXs. If so, why not delete them all? Whenever I bring up this topic and he will say I do not trust him?

I have no clue what's guy's thinking?


When I married my wife expected me to delete all ex girlfriend references , I thought she was very insecure in that she thought they were a real threat. I found it ridiculous but still complied out of respect for her feelings.

I later became aware of that she had previously cut ties with her exes in that manner, they didn't exist any longer for her so I guess she expected the same behavior from me.

That said, in today's society with social networks etc it is quite easy to re-establish a connection to an ex if one wants. It doesn't make any difference whether phone numbers/email addresses were deleted from some address book. So instead maybe you should think about why you want it deleted because it makes no significant difference in how he feels for you.

PS. My wife is Asian, maybe its a culture thing?


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Strictly Speaking”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest