sleeping with maids

[nushk]

hahaha! why do you all think that I'm a wife with children and that my husband is sleeping with my maid?! 1. I am not married, 2. I have no children, 3. I do not have a maid. I'm not asking this for myself. I've heard two - dare I say it? - australian men saying that they're sleeping with their maids.


yes I know it happens, I know both men and women head out for affairs, sordid one night stands, a quick f with the gardener, personal trainer, cute waitress, etc, but I'd like to stay on topic - which is sleeping with one's maid.
bluenose: yes, that's a good point, but what if the wives aren't like that? what if the wives are patient and very nice to the maid, and for all we know, the wives are very good to the husbands and not like how some of you here describe wives - whinging, complaining?

Maybe if the OP had nothing and had no education and no future nor a means to give an education to her children or to put clothes on their backs she might soon see what most of the world already acknowledges. It happens. Especially when the wife neglects the husband. Asia is a bad place to do that because it is like living in a candy store here. So wives, take care of your husbands instead of taking him for granted. It is man's nature to couple with as many females as possible to propagate the species. At the same time that's why women often have multiple partners, to ensure impregnation by the strongest! Same thing. I wonder how many housewifes here have had torrid flings with their Personal Trainers here? Hmmmmm? Paid help as well, yeah? But I bet she doesn't have any indignation over that..... Or the pool boy or the gardener? We make fun of it, but unfortunately it does happen with great regularity.

[nushk]

Wives paying 'pillow money' to maids is not unheard of in these parts.

!!
is that true? huh. wow. I find that hard to believe (not dissing what you said) - I'd think it's more common in the past, as divorces and women-emancipation etc are on the rise now?

What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve about, the OP is speculating because she does have an idea that it goes on and calls them scum, very naive, to call anyone scum, without first hand knowledge!

And just to plant a seed in the minds of these people, I will say, when i was divorced, for 25 years, I had a steady stream of married women, on my plate, because i wised up.

That married women are the easiest to score for a one night stand because they just want the excitement and sex. You young guys that believe you have a happy marriage, sure have!

Take a leaf from Paul McCartneys lessons of love, it's cheaper to lease a woman, than marry one!

Saying that! It works both ways, when you suckers have paid the price, you will soon learn the the difference between love, sex and profiteering, for those that haven't suffered yet, good luck and learn from the wise ones.

Love can last a life time but sex only lasts the time it takes, SE is quite right, its been going on a life time and more, the more mature and experience one gets, one will realise, the older coots were right after all.

One should really look for statistics on this subject of marriage and infidelity, the last time I looked many years ago, the statistics were like 50/50 for partners having sex without their partners knowledge.

Even a high number of women had illegitimate children based on the fact, that they loved their partner, but preferred an offspring with higher credentials a list of points, like intelligence, professional, and background was noted, so the unknown fathers probably are still in the dark.

This information also supports the TV program on discovery channel, that was on womans basic instincts, is to move on, to a partner that can provide better security and wealth if the opportunity arises.

Now the OP calls the guy's scumbags and also some other naive poster agrees, they should get divorced or even jump off a bridge..

Women have only one thing in mind, survivability, those that do not need a man, normally continue on their career paths, and satisfy their needs, by leasing or having one night stands.

I think the topic is far from new, it's been talked about the lst 200 years!

ksl.. I find what you have written very incoherent.
first, I do no speculate. I have the names of these two men who are sleeping with their maids.

second, actually, I'd call you scum, for sleeping with married women and boastfully declaring it, but that's my entitlement, no? you can call me naive or that I 'should get divorced or even jump off the bridge' so there.

third, uh, the topic at hand is about husbands sleeping with their maids. what has it got to do with your life story about you after your divorce "sleeping with steady stream of married women"? your point is? oh, wait, let me fill in the gaps for you. you are trying to justify why these men sleep with their maids (fair enough) but you bring up your life story on how sleeping with married women reaped you the best sex and that there is no happy marriages as a case in point... huh? are you trying to say in a very roundabout way that the husbands go for maids because the sex is excellent? if so, ok. fine, that's fair enough too. but might there not be problems in the future should the wife find out? should the maid gets jealous if she starts to fall for the man or even not at all but just jealous, all the same, and she is the primary caretaker of the children?

and last, following your entire rambling 'train of thought' argument, I can only conclude that your point is this: men and women alike have affairs, and to call the men scum is 'naive etc' of me (I did it in less than 20 words, you did it in probably 800 words). right. you did not address my questions about men sleeping with their maids at all.

[ksl]

And you want to get personal too is it, after reading all your posts, it goes to show what a scum bag you are too.

http://www.singaporeexpats.com/forum/pr ... le&u=72432

Although i will not get into a slagging match with you, because that really doesn't paint a nice picture at all....

You heard two married men say, they where screwing the maid. I would say you have very little experience of life my dear friend....

I have met quite a few guys, that just love to bullshit other guys, because of their male chauvinist ego's, to prove their own virility maybe, only god knows if it is true or not...

I hope that you do not have to experience divorce, like many people, yes everyone does suffer, and if you experience that your wife, is screwing around, you will only have a few options open to you, think about them before you start being so damned judgemental.

To be judgemental and to accuse others and also myself of being scum, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what gives you that right.

If anyone is going to be judge, it will be your creator and with the thoughts you have, I would say he may well deal you a card, which you may or may not deserve.

It took me a good 20 years to build any faith in women at all, and the only way was to except that this unpleasantness goes on all the time, you may well be repulsed by what you hear, you should learn and listen instead of being so judgemental, I'll bet a bottom $ you have got your own skeletons in the closet

Married women are easy, they say yes or no, it is that simple, how you deal with that, and the trust of a woman, is your problem not mine. I have never supported another woman since my divorce and i do not intend to start today, that's why i deliberately married a woman, that did not rely on financial support.

I'm very relieved, that i have nothing to lose, having lost it all, children too, the first time a wife was unfaithful.

You are obviously quite young and possibly from a different culture than ours, but truth is, what it is, and the facts are out their, all you have to do is gather them.

When Adam and Eve was in the garden of eden, who did the enticing?

Your attempt to use the maid as a topic, as backfired in the sense, you show your true colours, a little deceitful, and your a banker too!

So for me, that is the cream on the top, because i have never trusted bankers all my life. Yes i will accept an apology for the personal attack, otherwise I may just use my black magic to put a curse on you

Don't believe all what men say, until they have proved it to you, their male chauvinist hormones and ego's are what many guys like to joke about, it's manly and the right thing to bragg about sex for many guys, and many times it may be true and many times it's also not true.

Although it is true that it does go on here in Asia not just Singapore, and it includes all races too, not just westerners.

It takes two to Tango and do you really believe your wife is going too admit to dancing, how you maintain your own thoughts now becomes the real problem for you, but to soothe you down, chill out, this can be a very difficult topic for those with no experience of life depending on your cultural and religious background also causes strong mental stress on people that cannot handle a subject like you want to discuss..

What you should ask your self is why it happens, who instigates it, the answer is held between one of two people, right and it's best left there.

Because no one knows the reasons! Now sleep well at nights, not that you can now you know EVE started it all, by tempting Adam with the apple!

Women do it because they can do it, Men always want to do it, but cannot do it because its a womans ball park!

[Bafana]

then try asking a sensible question. Assuming that it was consensual then what difference does it make whether a scumbag sleeps with a maid, a CEO of a company or anyone else?

what about the fact that the maid lives with the family? the maid takes care of the children? should anything go sour, would the maid not be in a position that even the husband would not want her to be in? would the maid not later perhaps blackmail the husband? etc etc.

I think my questions are quite sensible. thanks.

Some expat wives are worse than scum taking advantage of having a maid to go out get laid, party and carry on whilst their husbands working. What happens when the maid (who is a flesh and blood real person with just as much rights as her employer and his 'wife') sees this and take pity on the husband offering him comfort as any human with empathy would do.

In these situations, who looks after the kids better than a mother - The maid. Who looks after the husband better than a wife - The maid.

There are also case of expat wives using there maids for sex.

Frankly I find your question to be sensible but lacking empathy. The maid is a person too and is free to give into temptation just as much as anyone else. Your approach has already labeled her as lesser which is a very Singaporean thing to do.

BTW Singaporean men also use there maids or others maids. Go to Lucky Plaza, Orchard Towers, City Plaza, HDB area...

As for consequence there is no forcing and the approach is often from the maid to the man. Whose to blame? Sad on all fronts but the 'wife' is just as much to blame in most cases and the 'scum' is far from 'scum'.

I wouldn't be surprised if your a Mediacorp gutter catcher.

[QRM]

Wives paying 'pillow money' to maids is not unheard of in these parts.

So that explains the look of contentment on the hubbies, the smugness of the tai tai wives, and the suspiciously high number of good looking maids with Iphones and fancy digital camera in our condo.
Oh and not forgetting lots of buffed up personal trainers "popping in" during the afternoon.

[pinkishlips]

It takes two hands to clap.

Maids or not, they are as human as the employers. I'm not saying that I support the boss' sexual enslavement of the maid or the boss-maid's secret tryst.

But if one is so worried, then try doing the housework on your own and not depend on a live-in domestic help. Or better, get a part-time maid who comes in 3 hours twice a week when lady boss is at home, to monitor the cleaning.

That way, the husband won't have a chance to do a hook-up!

[OogieBoogie]

Married women are easy, they say yes or no, it is that simple, how you deal with that, and the trust of a woman, is your problem not mine.

old men are even easier, they say "yes" or "yes how much do you want?"
:p

To be judgemental and to accuse others and also myself of being scum, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what gives you that right.

i think this is called freedom of think, and in some country, you can even add freedom of speech. Does it really sounds like Sci Fi to you?

Is this a taboo subject? Seems like the average answer is " yeah right some do it, but wives do it too!!! and it's worse because at least the husband is making money, and sometimes the wives is ok anyway, and who knows maybe the maid is ok and i'm sure she made the move blablablabla" A lot of justification to a disgusting fact in the end: screwing the employee that live in your house and who have very little but what you give her. If the employer is really the educated one, he should make the smart choice (which is not getting laid)

[ksl]

Married women are easy, they say yes or no, it is that simple, how you deal with that, and the trust of a woman, is your problem not mine.

old men are even easier, they say "yes" or "yes how much do you want?"
:p

To be judgemental and to accuse others and also myself of being scum, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what gives you that right.

i think this is called freedom of think, and in some country, you can even add freedom of speech. Does it really sounds like Sci Fi to you?

Is this a taboo subject? Seems like the average answer is " yeah right some do it, but wives do it too!!! and it's worse because at least the husband is making money, and sometimes the wives is ok anyway, and who knows maybe the maid is ok and i'm sure she made the move blablablabla" A lot of justification to a disgusting fact in the end: screwing the employee that live in your house and who have very little but what you give her. If the employer is really the educated one, he should make the smart choice (which is not getting laid)

This would of course be the smartest choice, the same with employees that climb the ladder rapidly, I've observed it happen and being a close friend of the boss, I made it clear that he was doing the wrong thing, but I was also reminded that it's just not my business.

I don't call him scum, even though I do feel sad that a person must succumb to such acts.

My perspective about women is to treat them equally, having lived in a liberated Country in Scandinavia for over 20 years.

If i was to return to the UK, no doubt i would continue to hear the words slag scrubber, bitch, hooker, and god knows what else, of which I totally disagree with. Why is it that most male chauvinist Countries feel that they are so superior over the female, and that women should stay at home, while they go off galavanting around.

I can only imagine that the poster lacks experience of life, to ask such a stupid question in the first place, people have needs and people fulfil them, the way they want to.

It's only natural that some are going to suffer, although this particular poster wasn't as truthful as he made out, he had his own motives to be a troll!

To be judgemental and to accuse others and also myself of being scum, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what gives you that right.

OogieBoogie wrote:
i think this is called freedom of think, and in some country, you can even add freedom of speech. Does it really sounds like Sci Fi to you?

Actually i would call it defamation, especially when he directed the word scum at me on a public forum, and in Singapore that may just get him in trouble.

A debate is a debate, and i'm afraid personal slander isn't going to encourage a debate, but more like a battle ground, so the guy is a troll, who was lying all along, if you read his other threads.

Although if he is from the banking industry and these Australian married men know him, i would be worrying about what shit he's going to be in, if they are members of this forum, if there is any truth in it.

[angellikes]

Where are your Morals people? Really sad!!!!

[Bafana]

Where are your Morals people? Really sad!!!!

Where is your realism? Really blinkered!!!

[angellikes]

Morals and Realism are two different things.
You can be realistic and still have Morals!
But some people don't like to take responsibility and are just selfish!

[sundaymorningstaple]

The only thing worse than not being realistic it trying to force your morals on others.

[ScoobyDoes]

Morals and Realism are two different things.
You can be realistic and still have Morals!
But some people don't like to take responsibility and are just selfish!

Nobody is 100% Moraly correct, nobody.

It's like hair colour, no two people are really the same and what one finds acceptable is unacceptable to another and the view has to be much larger than just your own country and religion.

There is a much bigger, global picture.

[carteki]

The only thing worse than not being realistic it trying to force your morals on others.

So, are there any absolutes?

[hibri2]

about the OP topic, not too much to add up apart that if it is consenting is ok, if it is an economical transaction for a service it is ok.

as my good ol' grandma used to say:

unfaithfulness it is not who you have sex with, but who you lie to

that goes to whoever is doing the maid (boss, colleague, waitress/er, friend, etc) while being married / attached, etc.

about the morals, well with a nick like "angellikes" i assume that you are into one of the several types of mythologies that intend to impose us with a set of values that some old men centuries ago decided to call "good" and to erradicate another set of values that the same old men centuries ago decided to call "bad", maybe you even eat some flesh and drink blood from a cosmic jewish zombie guy, while i am not here to judge your deviant behavior...

Where are your Morals people? Really sad!!!!

morals have nothing to do with anything... in a social sense, majority or groups morals are just a simplistic (good/bad) assessment of a situation which varies from a third party viewer, to the executor, to the receiver of any action.

realistically speaking, there is not such a thing as a general truthful unique valid and final interpretation of good or evil.

actually the reverse is closer to being more reasonable or logical, that there are infinite definitions of good or bad and by occam's razor principle, i will go as far as to say that the simple answer is that there is not such a thing as good and bad, but (infinite) interpretations of it and by that, they divide themselves to none existence.

if you dont want to do your ______________ (fill in the blank) while being married, you will have your reasons for it, given the proper conditions (it have been proved) that you will do anything you say it is bad.

So, are there any absolutes?

i personally dont acknowledge social absolutes...

a interesting definition that you may find useful is:

The definition of Relative truth- Truth that is true at only one time and at one place. It's true to some people and not to others. It's true now but it may not have been true in the past and it may not be again in the future, it's always subject to change. It is also subject to perspective of people

The definition of absolute truth-Whatever is true at one time and at one place is true at all time's and at all places. What is true for one person is true for all person's. Truth is true whether we believe it or not. Truth is discovered or it is revealed, it is not invented by a culture or by religious men.

as you may see, such a thing as absolute truth is more a conceptual thing.