Singapore Expats Forum

any idea what is the right medication

Discuss about beauty & health. Need some advice or looking for a particular product? Share your beauty and health tips here.

av
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri, 22 May 2009
Location: Singapore

any idea what is the right medication

Postby av » Sat, 23 May 2009 9:08 am

I hv been suffering from lethary, self-pity, severe crying bouts since my hubby walked out on me n my kids aftr 15 yrs of marriage for another woman a year back.

I seem to be carrying on, but there is a deep sense of resentment in me, so much grief. i dont love him and in fact thnik he is the most irresponsible guy on this earth, then why am i not coming out of all this ? I just keep wishing that he suffers like hell, everything bad in the world happens to him, etc.

Am i going mad ? These days i seem to do work only when my kids are around. Other times i am just plopped on the sofa watching dumb serials and relating to the suffering character and crying. I seem to like sad sacrificing characters ? At times I think I am crazy. But when I am out with the kids and speaking to other parents nobody looks at me as if I am wierd. i am able to hide my grief and sorrow. What is going on ? I dont understand ?

I am going lazy or what ? I went to the local doc and just told that i feel lethargic. I was given ARCALION. For second opinion i went to another and was given EXSATIVA.

I havent decided what to take. None of the docs thot that i am crazy. Are these medicines for depression ? Do I have depression ?

I am frm the indian expat community here. Our community is very small n well knit. I cannot speak abt this to anyone. I am worrried that my kids might be ridiculed or suffer.

Can anyone tell me which medicine is the appropriate one. I do not want to add to my problems and get addicted to them if they are anti-depressants.

Is there any homeo medicine for my problem ?

Only serious suggestions please.

User avatar
QRM
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1831
Joined: Mon, 17 Oct 2005
Location: Nassim hill

Re: any idea what is the right medication

Postby QRM » Sun, 24 May 2009 9:25 am

av wrote: I do not want to add to my problems and get addicted to them if they are anti-depressants.


You are depressed, but smart enough to know these medication are highly addictive and only hides the depression in a blur, the fact you got a second opinion and are questioning the medication shows you still have a brain left.

I have seen so many messed up folks on anti depression medication, one has been taking this junk for 15 years, cant walk down stairs unaided and talks most of the time in a slur. She goes to a number of doc around the world to get the medication, that way the docs are unaware of the amount she stockpiles.

Everyone need a few days feeling sorry for themselves, but after a week of Ben and Jerry, watching crap TV get off your butt use your energy constructively and join a walking group, book club, help a charity, go wake boarding, try something new. Soon you will see and meet new people. While its not really about getting your own back on ex hubby, its all about moving onto a new chapter, but it will bring a smile back on your face, when he see how you are are enjoying your new life and freedom.

Dont go to extremes though, going pole dancing in a leopard skin print mini dress and high heals, and snogging the paper delivery guy next time hubby walks by, shows you really have hit rock bottom.

User avatar
carteki
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1237
Joined: Mon, 28 Apr 2008
Location: Singapore
Contact:

Postby carteki » Sun, 24 May 2009 3:05 pm

I feel for you. If you do a websearch on depression and food you will find that there are a number of foods that contain natural anti-depressants. Salmon is one of them.
Rather than going just for pills, have you considered counselling? Even if all you are doing is paying someone for an hour to listen to you moan it is a great release and it sounds like you feel that you just need some-one to listen who won't judge or have an opinion... The SG govt is particularly picky on allowing any type of drug that could have any sort of addictive effect being prescribed, let alone being able to get it over the counter.
all the best

av
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri, 22 May 2009
Location: Singapore

Postby av » Mon, 25 May 2009 11:58 am

tnx QRM, somebody reiterating the fact that i still hv not lost it all, is nothing short of a compliment for me right now.

So i guess i hv to make the humungus effort to wake up and kick myself up.

Hmmmm....quite a job, but i guess i will start off by telling myself lies that i am doing it for the kids, and well, shld get on the track within a week, a month...

btw, the newspaper guy is half my age, so am still safe n not sorry !!!!!!!!

av
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri, 22 May 2009
Location: Singapore

Postby av » Mon, 25 May 2009 12:31 pm

carteki, u r probably very right. I am not able to talk to anyone as i dont want the kids to get ridiculed if anyone knows abt it.

Tnx, instead of plunging into anti-depressants i think eating food for depression is a god-sent idea for me. I dont eat non-veg but i am sure there are other foods.

Probably counselling is not a bad idea. Will hv to convince myself on that...dont seem to want to open my life to anyone as yet. Yes, it will be easy to talk to a stranger.

Ram08
Regular
Regular
Posts: 103
Joined: Mon, 24 Nov 2008
Location: Singapore

Hi

Postby Ram08 » Mon, 25 May 2009 3:43 pm

Hi,

I dont want to sympathize with your current predicament simply because each one of us undergoes a different set of challenges in life. It really depends on how you pick yourself out of the situatiuon you are in. Anti-depressants are a superficial fix to such problems in life.

Think about it, your husband walking out on you could be a blessing in disguise if he really is the trashy kind of person you describe here. He walked out on you and Garbage is best kept out of our homes - both are synonymous. I believe in Karma and he will get his due if he has erred. Leave it at that. Trust me the legal system will not allow him to shirk from his responsibilities of financially supporting his (your) kids post divorce if thats what your relationship is heading towards.

Its important to get out of that chair you slouch in all the time. An idle mind is really a devil's workshop and you need to engage in activities that keep you away from indulging in self-pity. Reach out to people, make new friends, have constructive discussions and be focussed on what you want most in life now - I'm sure it is the well-being and good future for your children.

Easier said than done ?? Well I'm no psychiatrist but think about it what will change in your life if you do nothing and simply dwell in self-pity and curse your destiny for dealing a such cruel blow to your life. Nothing will change except you will sink deeper.

The quality of our lives is a by-product of our actions and life-style. We often take things for granted.Sometimes it helps to open your eyes wide and see the world around you - there is so much pain and suffering in the world. Then match your own predicament and you will realize that it is not so bad after all :-).

Having said that - I have an open invitation to you (and I'm sure others on this forum may do likewise) to feel free to come join us in some of our social gatherings - interact with new friends - keep your mind occupied when not managing your kids. See the world in a better light and not pop that anti-depressant into your mouth. PM me and I will put you in touch with our group of guys and girls.

Do not suspect the intention of this note. I am a guy but I am a human being too !

I wish you all the best in life !

rgds
Ram
Widening my social circle

haveadifferentlife
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun, 14 Dec 2008

Postby haveadifferentlife » Mon, 25 May 2009 9:49 pm

Hi,

I read yr story.. it may sound cold, but i think that's why your husband walked out--- you don't love him...

If you love him, even a little bit, he'll stay.

I know its very very hard, try not judge the situation, take the opportunity to improve our lives, be more appreciative..to whatever happens in yr life.. be thankful for every little piece of happenings in yr life, the sun, the leaves, the noise on the street, yourself being able to think, talk, walk, eat, keep doing it, a thousand times a day, you will find life is different a few days later...

Love to you.

av
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri, 22 May 2009
Location: Singapore

Postby av » Mon, 25 May 2009 10:35 pm

"haveadifferentlife"...indeed ! wonder what life u wld hv if u were in my shoes...

tnx for ur disgusting comments

av
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri, 22 May 2009
Location: Singapore

Postby av » Mon, 25 May 2009 11:48 pm

Thank you Mr. Ram. Whatever u hv said makes absolute sense. I suppose i am better off than many others. Self-pity has not landed me anywhere. Probably being happy will make my kids be more happy too.

My kids are my life. Giving them a good future is my focus now. But i was forgetting that for that even i hv to be happy.

Very well said - i am better off without garbage who only humiliated me for loving him and forgiving him all this while. I have to get on - i have my kids, he has his car and camera and all the other women...

I have to be strong and accept that it is going to be only me now and not us anymore. It is not easy though coming from a traditional indian background. Hope the karma works...

Appreciate the kind words. U seem to be keeping up the good work of ur namesake. Thank you.

User avatar
ksl
Governor
Governor
Posts: 6005
Joined: Mon, 19 Jul 2004
Location: Singapore
Contact:

Postby ksl » Tue, 26 May 2009 1:04 am

My kids are my life. Giving them a good future is my focus now. But i was forgetting that for that even i hv to be happy.


I noticed that in your previous post about your children, which startled me a little, I'm glad you have seen the light, because your kids are your kids, and it is very hard.

I also know another indian woman who probably as it much harder than you because she is a local with 2 kids, with a very bad alcoholic of a husband, so do not believe you are alone.

You appear to be very level headed and although feeling down and depressed, which is a natural feeling under the circumstance, you must consider how long ago did all this happen, because the longer you spend in a depressive state, the worse it is going to be to get out of it.

My suggestion is remain focussed on your children and their future, they only have you now, and need you to be strong, there is no harm in getting out in the day and meeting new friends, you do not have to tell anyone at all.

Your private life is your private life, so just be yourself, guilt free, you need to move on, take it slowly and learn to live with yourself emotionally without falling for the next would be husband, you don't need that in your life at this stage. You are a free woman! Try to seek others in the same situation there are many, however always be cautious and learn to stand on your own feet.

I have no idea how old you are or your children, but look at the new you, that you may have wanted to become, have faith in yourself, and take up a little exercise which is hard i know, but worth it, because it stimulates useful hormones, which will make you feel more positive towards life in general, it takes time, but if you can push yourself off the sofa, and walk fast every day for 30 minutes, you are well on the way to beating a heavy depression.

simplysoo222
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu, 14 May 2009

Postby simplysoo222 » Tue, 26 May 2009 3:22 pm

you can go to this webpage to check www.dhamma.org that's a free meditation offer for those ppl want to look into their mind and soul...
to be frank... No one can help you,you need to overcome it all by yourself...medication help 0...
the only thing you need..is to FIX the problem..no Skip the problem..
...We born to be learn..Earth is school for human ..when u face a problem,u NEED to fix it..let the problem school you..not ruins you..
Divorce cases everyday on show on our daily life..try to take it easy.
Give yourself a day tour to visit Singapore casket,and Singapore Subordinate court.and you will notice two different ideas ya..
life can be so short..and life have no rehearsal..we don't own the authority to choose to live one more day.
Subordinate court shows..if case can't solve,just hire lawyer lor..and life still continue to move foward on..
our mouth is with us everyday..And SMILE ..is absolutely free. :D

Ram08
Regular
Regular
Posts: 103
Joined: Mon, 24 Nov 2008
Location: Singapore

Interpretation

Postby Ram08 » Tue, 26 May 2009 6:00 pm

:-) There is a hint of resentment and envy in what you say....i.e. you think he has all the pleasures of life while you struggle.....so let me interpret what you said rightly..........

you said :
" i have my kids, he has his car and camera and all the other women... "

Interpretation:
You have the real wealth (your kids) - he has temporary pleasures of life -car, camera and women. Watch who benefits in the long run - bring up your kids well even if it is a big struggle - you will reap larger rewards than he ever will :-). Old age without support is a curse - it will only bring him remorse and realization of having lost the more valuable things in life.

Your kids are your unpolished diamonds - they have huge potential - polish them, nurture them and shape them - they will be the bright shining stars of your life always ! Look back and see how you struggled to make them such stars - you will beam with pride !

Every drop of sweat you lost in the process will be replaced with thier love and respect for you for having devoted your life to bringing them up that way. Close your eyes and picture that - what do you see ?..... :-)

God bless you my dear !
Widening my social circle

User avatar
taxico
Director
Director
Posts: 3190
Joined: Sat, 10 May 2008
Location: Existential dilemma!

Postby taxico » Tue, 26 May 2009 9:42 pm

some new anti-depressants may work better than you think, but unfortunately the cost may be one factor you must consider.

if you don't think you need a doctor or don't want to take meds, you'll at least need some form of professional therapy.

failing which, the least you could do is to call some 1800 help numbers. you do not want to seek solace in food.

you could also try a forum such as forum.wingofmadness.com - don't allow the name of that website deter you from at least reading through it.

get well soon. it's an uphill battle, but you owe it to yourself and your kids to start somewhere. i don't think you should start here though.

taxico, M.D.

User avatar
taxico
Director
Director
Posts: 3190
Joined: Sat, 10 May 2008
Location: Existential dilemma!

Postby taxico » Tue, 26 May 2009 9:43 pm

and oh, get plenty of exercise and sun too.

if you don't feel for either, go out in the evenings for brisk walks and bring the kids along.

you gotta do it.

irvine
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 312
Joined: Mon, 15 Dec 2008

Postby irvine » Wed, 27 May 2009 11:20 am

Hi av, how are you feeling today?

Don't worry too much about this phase, it will pass... but before it goes away, it is normal to go through these things you're experiencing. Some people can go through it faster, some takes longer. Although I must say, going through it faster doesn't necessarily mean it's a good thing, for some the bad feelings come back when they thought they're over it.

From a psychological perspective, a person goes through stages of grief when a major loss happens; denial, anger, bargaining, depression happens before finally there is an acceptance of the whole situation. So do allow yourself time to reconcile with yourself.

Read more: http://www.memorialhospital.org/library ... THE-3.html


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Beauty, Health & Fitness”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest